Need to vent

[godschild]

I don’t post on her very often now but always read others posts, I am stuck with my abuser due to disabilities and in general have been holding my own and standing up to him. But ive been suffering from (detail removed by moderator)for  weeks now, he hates it when im physically ill, gets furious, he may try to hide it and put on his smarmy mask for a few days but ive learned to see trough that sickly falseness.
I’m very low and my anxiety etc is worse due to being ill, I cannot believe just how vile and uncaring and unsypathetic he is, no empathy at all.
I continue to speak the truth to him and do not just put up with his nonsence anymore, Ive learned so much but today I’m very low and he has been horrible just watches me suffer and adds to it.
He cannot take the truth and came up very close rage (detail removed by moderator) uttering some abuse, I just felt like breaking down as I have so so many times over the decades, he loves that, I felt so hurt and bewildered that he can be so cruel when I’m feeling so unwell but instead after a while I went up to him and said what gives yoeu the rights (detail removed by moderator) feel so seethingly angry but also on the verge of sobbing and breaking down.
(detail removed by moderator)I cannot beleive just how heartless and feelingless these monsters are, but at least I can see it all now,
Do others get worse abuse and anger if they “dare ” to be ill, I’m sure I get more illness because of his abuse.
I suffer (detail removed by moderator) anyway this time of year but have gone (detail removed by moderator) years without it (detail removed by moderator) he will take no responsibility for it at all, just needed to rant to those who understand.
He tells me I’m delusional in what I see as abuse and people go along with me but don’t believe me, I know that is nonsence but it really sucks your energy and worse when you are ill. Good to be able to write it all out on here where I wont be belittled or knocked down

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Godschild,

It sounds absolutely awful him being so cruel especially when you are ill and totally helpless. Yes these men lack any empathy, they seem to like it when we are ill if it means we are controllable but then they get angry because we are not as effective domestic slaves for them.

I just wanted to say, please don’t resign yourself to a life with him. It must be very hard living with a disability but you would find life easier without the abuser always knocking you down and making life even more difficult than it needs to be. There is plenty of support now for all sorts of diabilities and loads of people lead independent lives with all sorts of conditions.

Have you rung the helpline/spoken to your GP about it? I am sure that your gp or anyone involved with your medical care would be absolutely horrified if they knew you were being abused and would be able to help. It sounds like you have resigned yourself to a life of coping with him which doesn’t have to be the case, he has probably made you feel totally dependent on him (my ex seemed to like me being ill as it made me compliant and easier to control). It is scary going it alone for anyone but I believe we can all do it whatever the barriers so don’t give up.

[godschild]

Thankyou for your response Sunshinerainflower, I have very long term monophobia which is a dreaded fear of being alone and agorpahobia , I cannot get out alone or stay alone, I have no support, so atm I am stuck,

M<y Gp is worse than useless, when things got bad l (detail removed by moderator) years ago he reffered me to community mental health services, he did not even answer when I told him on the phone how I was being treated , total disinterest, a phyciatrist came out to see me , she said they had nothing t o offer me and that was it.

WA gave me 12 weeks off telephone support then that was the end of that, they will not or anyone else go to the home when its abuse, I just needed to write how I was feeling today

[SunshineRainflower]

I’m sorry to hear that, I had bad social anxiety for a few years but it has greatly improved after I had a good therapist. It sounds like you’ve not had the right help yet, I wouldn’t give up because there is help out there for your condition. There is a charity called Anxiety UK, they have helpline you can ring for advice and to be told about help in your area. The helpline isn’t free from a mobile but might be from a landline so check this before ringing just in case.

It sounds like you need a new GP, can you book in with a few others to try them out? I have found some are totally useless about mental health whilst others are amazing. Keep looking for the right one. They can refer you to IAPT who can help you with your phobias, and IAPT can also then refer you to more specialist agencies if you need further help.

It sounds like your abuser has controlled you due to your condition. Anyway I just wanted to say don’t give up, it often feels hopeless but it really isn’t. I had have many different treatments for a few different mental health problems and they have helped me a lot, some were better than others but today I am the strongest I have been in years and am living mostly independently so I want to pass the hope on to you too that it is possible, you just have to fight for the right help.

[godschild]

Thankyou, yes I know about anxiety uk, its them that helped me understanc what was wrong re monophobia, despite it being one of the fastest growing phobias my phyciatrist had not heard of it and asked me why I could not stay alone, I have been through so many ” treatments for over 4 decades now, barbaric behaviour therapy where I was forced to walk 14 miles ended up with sheer exhaustion and blisters because I was too afraid to get on a bus each bus stop the nurse said are you ready to get on yet, it was barbaric, ive been treated shockingly by phyciatrists several of them, addicted to Valium with repeat prescriptions then made to come off them after 6 years cold turkey, I have had the almostn abusive treatmebt by several mental health nurses.

two years ago a really kind paramedic got me to hospital the staff in the medical dept were very kind and caring the paramedic said things had changed in mental heath YET the mental health nurse said to me that I had as ( withsevere agoraphobia) much choice in going out as she had in chosing whether to go to work each day, I walked out more wounded than before I went in.

nothing has changed in fact its worse now, a phychiatrist several years ago came to the home to see me, I could not leave my bedroom in daylight hours for 19 months and he refused to treat my agoraphobia unless I went to him.

Another pheeyciatrist suggested In patient treatment which was on a ward with people bless them with really phycotic behavoir he had instructed the nurses not to “molly coddle ” me and I asked another patient to show me the toilets as I was afraid and she was told not to help me, I could not stay there.

I had pretty severe post natal depression after my son was born, I could barley function to do anything and the phyciatrist said to go home and have a coffee moring, I could not even cope with making a cup of coffee , he said to me you can convince yourself you are crippled, several months later I got hormone treatment by a specialist and started to recover within two weeks

I made a complaint about the more recent incident at the hospital and just got an apology, then I had a fall in may attended minor injuries the very kind, caring in medically trained receptionist tried to get me seen quicker due to my agoraphobia and I was made to wait 4 hours the dr ignored her,she went to him 4 times as she saw my distress I almost had to leave in tears on several occasions, I complained again and was told JUST a condition like agoraphobia does not warrant being seen quicker.

I cannot go out without my husband at all and no one will come to me.

Recently I have been reading about how some mental illness is circumstantional ie caused by abuse, bereavent etc in adulthodd but some is deep rooted almost physical in that it changes the wiring of the brain and s very very difficult to treat, I know of several people that got phobias etc around the age of 17 this seems to be caused by childhood trauma and is not easy to treat at all, the NHS only give very inferior CBT or a few weeks shallow councelling, I once saw an expert phycoanylist who had 36 years experience he helped me through the current breakdown I suffered but could not get to the root, I saw him twice a week for 18 months between appointments he dropped dead, so ive been there got the whole outfit not just the tee shirt in help.

I really need at least someone to off load my anger and no one in community mental heath would provide even this a lady form shelter actually came out see me which is rare she was more than willing to support me and come along side but because I was not in any position to be re housed I did not fit their criteria, social services were an utter waste of time did a MARAC assesment on the day and I was slow risk and once again could not be rehoused so nothing to offer, a group of people that did DV help cam to see me and then said I was out of their area, most likey a good job as one of the ladies put emense guilt om me over abuse my son got from his dad when younger asked me what I did about it. I really need councelling form someone who is really familiar with abuse at least to give me an advocate in a difficult situation but nothing available , iv tried every avenue, I am not person to give up. I give my all to trying to overcome and my abuser has a sitting duck with me , he has not caused all of my illness but he has certainly made it worse, I’m very isolated and I was corresponding with a lady form this site for over a year several times a week which helped but she has just cut me off no reason just stopped messaging me which I find very raw as I tried to support her as much as I could, sorry this is long but its all factuil about lack of help

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Godachild,
I just wanted to show my support. My situation is a little different to yours, but I can identify with some of what you’re saying. I’m a very shy person, always have been, but my husband has made me far worse by ‘helping to cure me of my ridiculous shyness’. Things like taking me to his Christmas Work’s do, dumping me on a table full of strangers and going to the bar leaving me alone with them for over half an hour. I really tried, but when I get stressed my mind just goes blank. No that’s not quite right there’s a million things flying around like say something! What? I don’t know, but don’t just sit here like a dummy! Umm, umm, the weather? Don’t you dare! Blah blah blah! Until my heart’s pounding, I’m shaking, mouth’s so dry my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. You know what it’s like. Until total panic I can’t see him anymore and have to flee , hiding in the toilet or outside smoking. I just became terrified of going anywhere with him. He also liked to embarrass and humiliate me in front of people. So I choose to stay home it’s safer. I was referred to a counsellor for stress management, but after ten minutes of talking to me she just said I can’t help you. You know all the relaxation techniques, only you can implement them. You’re not helping yourself. My current counsellor says that’s disgraceful, couldn’t she see I was in crisis? Did she try to get to the cause of the stress? But that’s just it she never asked and I was too afraid to say anything anyway. I do go out alone to work, so I’m not as isolated as you, but the thought of living alone terrified me, but I knew I had to leave. I decided to go to a cafe for a coffee to build my confidence. I walked passed it more than a dozen times before I plucked up the nerve to go in. I bought a takeaway latte, but couldn’t sit down to drink it. I did this 6 times before getting really cross with myself for spending £2.80 on a coffee just to sit in my car to drink it. I realised I hadn’t really achieved anything. I could already go to my local store and buy groceries, what was the difference? The next time I sat down outside with my latte and smoked a cigarette and was so pleased with myself I practically skipped back to the car and rang my mum to tell her what I’d done. She understood and praised me. He would never understand as he’s an extrovert who craves attention. I’ve been back 10 times and received my free loyalty latte and am working towards my second. I have actually spoken to complete strangers twice, well a man sat on the next table telling me his life story actually, but I didn’t panic I just sat there listening and nodding etc until I finished my drink and said well nice to meet you, but I have to dash now or I’ll get a parking fine, bye. I’d been working on it for a few minutes while he was chatting. It’s mad I know but I was so proud of myself that day. I know it’s not like your situation, I can get away from my husband, but fear of not coping alone has kept me trapped for decades. I know I can escape, plugging away, step by step. Making and keeping appointments to speak to people about the abuse is terrifying and takes a while to pluck up the courage. Having setbacks along the way is so disheartening. But I’m plodding on with my baby steps. I’ll get there eventually. My son is coming with me when we leave so that’s one enormous hurdle overcome. I was terrified I would become acrophobic and not be able to leave my new home. It took me 12 months to psych myself up to get ready to leave. I’ve been working on the 10 areas which were causing problems like money, being very overweight, chain smoking, no confidence, no self respect etc. I’m making great progress in most areas. Telling people like my local WA, GP etc has been incredibly hard, but they’ve been very supportive. I have to speak to a solicitor next week which is worrying me senseless at the moment. I want to know if I can get a quick divorce without involving the police. I don’t think I can manage to support myself for 5 years if not. I have osteo and rheumatoid arthritis as well as my mental health issues so can only work part time. Still, never say never, keep fighting on. I have had a rough, low week last week. Feeling a bit stronger this week thanks to you ladies and the wonderful ladies on the helpline. Just wanted to say you’re not alone. Stay strong and keep safe

[godschild]

Thankyou so much freedomfighter for responding to me and sharing your issues with me, I hope you can get the courage to see the solicitor, good you have your son to go with you that will really help, when my children still lived at home it was a help.

[Author]

Posts