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    • #168630
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      The ironic thing is we know their true colours behind closed doors . Out in public a different person is on show .

    • #168692
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Took a bit of time out to reflect on things . Guess what A leopard will never change its spots will it .

    • #168696
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Been shouted and sworn at over intimacy again. No apology again.

    • #168697
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He had been nice for a while.

    • #168699
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Just making excuses and that’s supposed to be OK.

    • #168709
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      How can my other Half complain about how he’s spoken to by members of the public but its okay for him to treat me like something on the bottom of his shoe . Swearing at me in a nasty voice is okay .

    • #168710
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Why am I always told my opinion should not count.

    • #168711
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Probably supposed to just sit and listen and not say a word lol 😆.

    • #168726
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I am seriously wondering if Karma is involved. Quite a while back whilst in a job I was terribly terribly stressed about how things where playing out . Managers where expecting alot from employees but some took no notice and got away with stuff. I was very stressed and complained alot , got upset alot and shouted a bit at home about it . I didn’t know how to deal with it . Now a while after someone else is stressed and they are shouting and in bad moods regularly. Is this just life and not what I think it is . I needed to get this off my chest.

    • #168756
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I think people can also grow apart 🤔. There are things that have been said and done too me that I would never say or do to others and yes it’s categorised as abusive on his part . So in some respects he has been abusive towards me . Still doesn’t stop me disliking myself.

    • #168757
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He has belittled me . Said disgusting things to me . He’s mocked me . He’s not always been respectful of my health. He’s thrown things and kicked things . He’s shouted and sworn at me for not wanting to be intamate. I’ve never done that . My opinions need to not be said . Etc etc .

    • #168787
      Lightning-Jet
      Participant

      Hi Stargazing1,

      We absolutely do know their true colours; they are like 2 different people. They wear a mask in public, which is the same mask they wore when they first met you.
      But the majority of the time, the mask is only removed behind closed doors.

      I’m not convinced they can change either, I’ve had it for so many years now, I find it hard to believe my OH will ever be any different. But I do find it so hard trying to make that break from him.

      They have a sense of entitlement and expect intimacy when they want it. In actual fact, its the last thing you want when they treat you the way they do.

      When he is nice, its all to suck you back in again; all part of their cycle. Look up bread crumbing – its just a part of their manipulation tactics.

      Speaking to you like that is never ok and you are absolutely entitled to your opinion! They do expect you to just sit and listen to them, you are only allowed to agree with them, but disagreeing with them is forbidden!

      Being in a toxic environment at home where it is supposed to be a safe space, will affect how you cope in other areas of life. Even the smallest things can seem like the worst thing in the world.

      It is not your fault, you do not control how he acts. Please don’t beat yourself up!

      He has no right to belittle, mock, be disrespectful towards you – and you have every right to get away from the toxicity.

      Sending you a big hug x

    • #168790
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you so much @Lightning-Jet , I really appreciate your kindness, time and support ❤️. I am always grateful for anybodies support it means a great Deal. I will look up Bread crumbling . Sending a gentle hug back . Please take care of yourself and keep safe. Sending kind blessings your way . Your reply really means a great deal.

    • #168805
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m getting grief off him again.

    • #168806
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      No shouting but complaining about sensitive issues. Apparently he’s never wrong .

    • #168807
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He wants me to lie to other people. I won’t lie .

    • #168808
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m being dictated too . That’s never right .

    • #168822
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m very offended by his bolshy voice. He’s made me feel like c**p . He’s always complaining about something or someone . No one can ever do right in his eyes . Hes despicable.

    • #168833
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve been rather stressed about something. Not sleeping very well at all . I’ve cried a bit 😢. I’ve even felt anxious too but I’ve not been shouting at anyone. I know if the boot was on the other foot I’d be shouted at by him .

    • #168840
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Someone is in a bad mood again.

    • #168841
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Hoping and praying for a day by myself tomorrow. Fingers crossed. Hoping his hobby is taking place.

    • #168842
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feeling emotional.

    • #168844
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s done nothing but complain all morning. Can’t wait until tomorrow.

    • #168845
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s always putting people down . Never thinking he’s ever wrong. He’s never got anything good to Say about anyone only himself and his side of the family.

    • #168846
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Apparently he’s tired and Apparently that’s why he’s bolshy and also intimacy hasn’t taken place and he’s angry about that too .

    • #168847
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      All his complaining has stressed me out .

    • #168852
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Peace at last .

    • #168861
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I think my pet is more calmer when he’s not around.

    • #168867
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m really really fed up .

    • #168874
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m always pig in the middle. Family tension is something I can’t deal with .

    • #168876
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s such a hypocrite.

    • #168877
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve been informed by him he’s a good liar .

    • #168897
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I am very confused about something. My husband has told me my son is trying to control me . I am very confused about everything. Conversations take place in the company of my son and the next day my husband speaks about it . I am so very unsure about everything. I don’t know what to think anymore.

    • #168899
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Is it me that’s the issue????? Or is it him and other family members.

    • #168915
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Conflicting messages all the time . It’s just messing with my head . I’m fed up of all of it .

    • #168917
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feeling very sad and shaky and stressed. It’s starting to affect my IBD . Really am fed up .

    • #168918
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve made another appointment with womens aid for next week. This week is inconvenient.

    • #168929
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I can’t wait to talk to the person at womens aid.

    • #168933
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m not feeling my best today 😕 .

    • #168952
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Wishing it was next Friday.

    • #169029
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I do want a chat with the person at Womens aid but I feel shaky and nervous. I know they are there to support and this time I don’t feel like I’m betraying him . I just feel very nervous. He’s not been shouting recently but there has been stuff said which hopefully I can talk about today . Hopefully some clarity will come about so I’m less confused.

    • #169030
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      My stomach is in knots . Really nervous. I suppose it could me being doubtful but I am still going to take the call .

    • #169031
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Fear of the unknown upsets my stomach alot . I need to try and calm myself down .

    • #169032
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Your feelings are very normal. Talking to someone who is employed to look after survivors of abuse is a bit like taking the first real step to accepting that you are actually suffering abuse and that is a massive thing to take on board. Deep down, you know what’s going on but the idea of having an expert confirm it can feel quite confronting.

      All I can say is that I felt the same before I first spoke to a professional but after that conversation I just felt a huge sense relief.

      It sounds as though your partner may be gas lighting you. I would recommend that you get a discreet digital voice recorder. It really opened my eyes to be able to play back conversations and hear him say things that he later denied saying and to hear how he twisted and turned the narrative to confuse me.

      I hope your conversation with WA is helpful. They are your advocates and they will understand exactly what’s going on. xx

    • #169043
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your kindness @Eggshells. I really appreciate your support. I did manage to speak with someone but understand because I couldn’t go through with it last time I have got to start from the beginning again. I just didn’t have the strength to go through with it last time but now I feel i can speak about it . Apparently it is abuse . I’m just so blinkered part of me sees it and maybe the other part either doesn’t see it or just doesn’t want to believe it . I’ve sent another money to the local womens aid and I now await a response. I have apologised too them I just hope I haven’t messed everything up for myself. Thanks again. Please take care of yourself. Sending kind blessings your way.

    • #169044
      Eggshells
      Participant

      You haven’t messed anything up. I can take several attempts to successfully leave and abusive relationship. WA understand that very well and they understand the reasons why. Don’t look back, ust focus on what you need to do now. xx

    • #169045
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you again @Eggshells 💓, your support is really appreciated. This time I will make sure I talk about it all . Sending once again kind blessings. Take care of yourself too please.

    • #169046
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Thanks. I will. I’m out so life is much simpler and safer for me now. Take care xx

    • #169047
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Your very welcome @Eggshells . So happy for you. So glad you got out . That takes a great deal of strength to do that . Good for you 👍. I’m so glad life is so much simpler for you . I hope to aim for the same eventually. I’m so very happy for you . 💓. All the best with everything. Nice one 👍. Thank you 😊.

    • #169061
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s starting again. Not so much shouting but he has got a gripe . Threats I suppose.

    • #169062
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      It’s makes me very sad and unhappy.

    • #169066
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Being told stuff which I class as a threat. Not very valued then .

    • #169093
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Everything is so messed up . It’s draining.

    • #169094
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      People have noticed he’s ignorant.

    • #169152
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m 99 per cent sure he’s got major issues with my daughter and my son . My husband is their step dad .

    • #169153
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He never has issues with his blood relatives just my blood relatives .

    • #169162
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feeling frazzled and anxious over different things.

    • #169163
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m wondering if more stress will occur. Just things that are up in the air it’s just making me wonder. There’s always something not quite right.

    • #169165
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I am feeling sad today 😞 😔.

    • #169168
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      There’s tension arising. Someone is really stressed. No wonder I feel rubbish 😒.

    • #169169
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I do realise he’s not happy . I am definitely the cause of this .

    • #169175
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Been shouted at again all to do with intimacy. He shouted and then slammed a door.

    • #169176
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I always seem to say the wrong words all the time.

    • #169177
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m messing up all the time .

    • #169187
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve made an effort to speak even though I was shouted at and slamming doors . He’s not in a very good mood. I suppose I’m just trying to be reasonable .

    • #169188
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      There is still a part of me that thinks they have got it all wrong.

    • #169189
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I hate myself anyway. Despite of everything that’s occurring.

    • #169190
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I would call a helpline but I feel so stupid.

    • #169191
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Due to the cost of living prices are more expensive. Due to age i get (detail removed by Moderator) from time to time . Due to expense I don’t do as much with it as I would like . When the (detail removed by Moderator) appears I get slated .

    • #169192
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I don’t know what to think about myself anymore. Don’t know if I’m stupid or not . Part of me thinks I am stupid and a rubbish person. Keep thinking I’ve brought all this on myself.

    • #169193
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m waiting for a telling off for (detail removed by Moderator) . It will happen I know I’m just waiting.

    • #169194
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I haven’t had an apology for yesterday.

    • #169195
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      If I’ve ever had a (detail removed by Moderator) I’ve been told im dirty.

    • #169203
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Looks like I’m in the dog house .

    • #169208
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I think he’d rather me not have anything to do with my side of the family. They say stuff don’t they . They say hurtful things .

    • #169214
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve called a helpline today. I needed to talk to someone. I’m getting a bit worried. The atmosphere is full of tension not on my part either.

    • #169217
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Being ignored.

    • #169218
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      It’s making me hate myself more and more .

    • #169219
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I think I’ve got to choose between either him or my son and daughter.

    • #169222
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      And the silent treatment goes on and on.

    • #169225
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s been so unbelievably two faced .

    • #169226
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      They way things have been Today have made me hate myself just that little bit more .

    • #169230
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I think he will be expecting to be waited on hand and foot because it’s Fathers Day . Charming

    • #169242
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Despite him getting his own way he still finds a moment to complain and make a big issue about things . Things are never going to be good enough.

    • #169254
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Keep thinking I’m saying/ thinking/ doing everything wrong. I here him talk about things and he’s boasting about how he’s always right about everything. So I must be wrong in everything I say or think or do .

    • #169256
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Finding it hard to believe in myself at the moment.

    • #169295
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve been thinking long and hard and I’m wondering where I actually belong.

    • #169296
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feeling very un important .

    • #169303
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Something was said to me by him yesterday that really offended me . He would say if I’d have answered it was a joke but deep down it wasn’t a joke and if and when he’s really angry he would have meant it .

    • #169315
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Part of Adhd is self loathing . I self loath all the time . I wonder ????????

    • #169328
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s stressed again was even told to stop talking. He’s hardly got anything nice to say. Always saying how bad people are . I never knew the sun shone out of him and him only.

    • #169342
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m getting grief left , right and center today . Can’t do anything right in his eyes today . He’s really getting under my skin . It’s like he’s trying to get me to choose again between him and my son .

    • #169343
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s really upsetting me alot . He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. According to him he can talk to people how ever he likes .

    • #169344
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’m getting grief off him for everything that’s going wrong for him and I’m really upset. I’m hoping womens aid don’t take too long getting back too me .

    • #169347
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feels like my heart is broken. He will never change. He has really upset me today. Considering calling the doctors next week. I’m fed up to the back teeth with him now .

    • #169348
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Had a cry once he wasn’t around 😢 😪. He will get up tomorrow and not give anything about today a second thought . I don’t even think his mood will change tomorrow either that will be another barrel of laughs NOT 😒.

    • #169351
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Still feeling quite sad today 😞.

    • #169353
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Complains about his health won’t go to the doctors. Apparently he’s no time to go . What a load of rubbish.

    • #169354
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      The food shop is a burden for him .

    • #169371
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      My head is all over the place if it isn’t one issue it’s another. Nothing within this family unit is easy. Wishing things didn’t have to be so stressful.

    • #169394
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      A bit of tension between my son and daughter. It never ends .

    • #169430
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I can’t help thinking I’m just a burden to all of the close family unit .

    • #169443
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Was asked (detail removed by Moderator).

    • #169444
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I know this looks stupid me posting to myself again. Part of the reason is for keep safes . The other is to write it down on paper when I talk to womens aid. Now I know we have to be careful what we say here . All I will say is my husbands is so full of c**p it’s unreal . Whoa be tide if anyone disagrees with him . According to him I’m always doing something wrong in his eyes . He’s never wrong and whoa be tide if anyone interrupts him . He’s such an hypocrite it’s unreal . Something has happened and it’s me what’s getting all the c**p thrown at them . Close family including mine think the sun shines out of him . In my eyes he’s despicable.

    • #169445
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He makes me puke honestly he does . Mr Know it all .

    • #169446
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He doesn’t make things easy and he’s making it more and more harder for me to like him . Maybe a break up will be for the best in the long run he’s too long in the tooth to change now . He speaks to me like I’m trash all because someone else has made him angry.

    • #169451
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Part of me hates myself and another part of me hates the situation.

    • #169452
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      If only I was that bit stronger .

    • #169453
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I do feel upset about all of this.

    • #169455
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      It’s seems he can say what he wants but I can’t say what I want. How can that be right .

    • #169459
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Why is it always me what’s wrong in an opinion. Why are all the others in conversations telling me I’m wrong all the time ??????????

    • #169460
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      My daughter thinks I’m trash. Something she said to me (detail removed by Moderator). Why do I bother being kind to folk .

    • #169461
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I apologise unreservedly for only posting here on this one of mine it’s because I’ve got so much going on my head feels like it could explode . I’m a rubbish helper. My answers are the most rubbish ever . My heart goes out to each and every single one of you here . I wish none of you where in the situation you are . People treating us like trash is so wrong. I despise these people for what they are doing to others it’s disgusting. Get in touch with your local womens aid if you can. Please take care of yourselves everyone and stay safe .

    • #169462
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      People see me with him and think I’m the useless one. They think the sun shines out if him . They don’t know half of it . People are so quick to judge . Would they be happy if they were being spoken down too . I don’t think so . If my other half spoke to my daughter or sin like he does me they would soon change their minds.

    • #169463
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Totally and utterly fed up with them all. I really am . They all make me sick.

    • #169466
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Because a lot of womens aid helplines are very busy I’ve called another helpline and they didn’t judge me one bit . They were understanding and listened too me . At least I’ve had someone to talk too over the telephone whole I wait for womens aid to get in touch with me .

    • #169468
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Stargazing1,

      It’s really positive that you’re taking control of reaching out for the support that you need. It sounds like calling the helpline was useful for you on a difficult day.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #169470
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you @Lisa . It did help . Had to wait quite a while to make the call due to not having the safe space.

    • #169476
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      No apology whatsoever. Disgusting.

    • #169488
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      The acting like nothing has happened is an absolute joke. No apology. Been out and being nice was top of his list . Isn’t this just typical 🙄. While out I wanted to cry but being out in public and being in tears is not what I want to occur. Absolutely rubbish though when we want to cry but we have to fight back the tears it’s awful. According to him it was a great time . It wasn’t great it was so so . It won’t be long before the terrible behaviour kicks off again hopefully by then womens aid will be around so I can tell them all that’s occurring.

    • #169502
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Here we go again. I’m doing something wrong again in his eyes.

    • #169572
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Someone is in a rubbish mood again. Maybe not so much with me but other people. From listening to his talking about stuff other people are noticing his growly voice.

    • #169573
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Been feeling like I want to cry but the tears won’t come . Something probably lots of things are making me upset.

    • #169574
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      An outsider has noticed his bolshy , growly , horrible attitude. They won’t be the first though.

    • #169575
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feeling very very emotional 😢.

    • #169619
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Feeling so very sad . It’s lots and lots of things.

    • #169620
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Probably call the helpline again.

    • #169632
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Part of me feels I’ve let my guard down a bit . Being under the weather has caused this to happen. I’m not saying I forgive him I haven’t. He seems to be not so nasty over a few days. As we all know this can change in an instant. Hoping to feel back on form very soon. Time will tell.

    • #169669
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Spoke to a person at womens aid but not a support worker yet . I got a bit upset just talking about things a little bit . Hopefully it won’t be long before I get a support worker fingers crossed.

    • #169670
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Someone’s view of not physically hitting me but being verbally abusive is ok .

    • #169673
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Hating myself again and again. The thought is there all the time even when there is no dramas .

    • #169679
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s being too nice . I don’t like it . The worm can turn so very quickly.

    • #169680
      Me now
      Participant

      That’s it totally. I’ve finally spoke out and took action legal wise and people keep coming back to me saying he’s a lovely guy no way.I feel more s**t now then ever

    • #169685
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Hi @Me now , glad you took legal action . Really pleased you did that . Until anyone has been through what we have been through with these people they will never know what these people are really like and not one single one of them would like what’s going on . People are so blinkered and so easy to judge the victims .

    • #169713
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Family issues occurring. Something I wish wasn’t occurring. I sometimes wish I didn’t become a mum because it’s so difficult 😕.

    • #169737
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s being reasonable just a lately.  Really messes with our heads . 🙄.

    • #169760
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      This is so weird.  I’m starting to feel like I’ve made a mountain out of a mole hill again because it’s all gone quiet.  He’s being ok again.  This messes with my head so much .  Funny how I’ve been in touch with womens and again and he’s gone quiet.  At least I know I’ve got womens aid to contact if I need them .

      • #169795
        Lisa
        Main Moderator

        Hi Stargazing1,

        Abusers can be very good at knowing when they’ve pushed you to a certain point and then change their behaviour to being okay. He does this precisely to mess with your head and make you question yourself. It’s part of the abuse. You can get support from your local service through these quiet times too if you need.

        Take care and keep posting,
        Lisa

    • #169761
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I am hating myself all over again.

    • #169774
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He makes me cringe .

    • #169793
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Rubbish day today.  My head is all over the place.

    • #169798
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you for the confirmation @Lisa .  I appreciate your feedback .

    • #169803
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I appreciate your feedback @Lisa but it still leaves me very puzzled .  It’s so confusing.

    • #169804
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Every weekend I’m on edge.  My kin like to visit.  My other half detests my kin visiting on weekends .  I don’t know what to think anymore.

    • #169809
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Not took long.  He’s been shouting at me again over nothing.

    • #169817
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      My son popped round.  Someone is in a very bad mood.  I’m not going to stop my kids from visiting that’s not fair.  See what tomorrow brings. 

    • #169818
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I have no idea what kind of a mood he is going to be in when I get up in the morning.   It is rather worrying.

    • #169821
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      At a glance of his face I can tell he’s not best pleased about yesterday.

    • #169831
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s not shouted at me about yesterday.  This is so very confusing.  He’s not really talked alot too me but he hasn’t shouted .  I will still pursue talking to womens aid because I got shouted at yesterday over something so small . So I will still pursue talking too them .

    • #169835
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I don’t think he shouted at me because he doesn’t want the neighbours to hear him shout . He wants them to know he’s a lovely person.   He knows that if he raises his voice it will be heard from others and he also knows I will bite back.

    • #169838
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s being sarcastic 🙄.  Hardly speaking too me.

    • #169839
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Perhaps it’s me that the rubbish person.  Perhaps I’m ungrateful etc etc . Perhaps it’s me that’s the bad person.  I don’t know.

    • #169840
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Perhaps  I am what he’s says I am . Maybe he’s in the right and I’m in the wrong.

    • #169843
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He always thinks I’ve moved or lost things when I haven’t.

    • #169863
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Starting to wonder if I will ever be a good enough person in anything in life .  Many people have been failures .  I could be one of them.

    • #169865
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I don’t think I know who I am anymore.

    • #169869

      Stargazing, I just want to let you know you’re not on your own in this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is not you. His treatment of you is abusive and just awful.

      It’s natural to think you are a failure given your environment and its so hard to pick yourself up – but it IS possible!

      Can you talk to anyone or listen to something helpful or soothing and is there anywhere else you can go?

    • #169870

      And p.s. I think I could be a failure too. But life’s not over yet!

      When you can, pick yourself up and dust yourself off. YOU’VE GOT THIS.

    • #169877
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      @DesperateHousewife101 , thank you so much for your kindness and time I appreciate it so much ❤️.  There’s just one  thing at the back of my mind where I know he would say it’s all my fault.  I’m the bad one . A few months ago I brought up a subject about something and basically told me I was at fault.  He will tell me how he’s done this , that and the other and that I’m ungrateful so I’m always at loggerheads within myself.   I’m awaiting a support worker from womens aid hopefully it won’t be too long now . Unfortunately due to my failures I’m not working at the moment.  Work just stresses my right out so much I can’t really cope with it .  I know how pathetic I sound.   I apologise unreservedly for my ramblings. I have my own bedroom which I take myself off to regularly to escape for a while that’s how I cope at the moment.  Once again sorry for my ramblings . Please take care of yourself and keep safe.  Wish you the best of luck . Your not a failure no way I don’t believe that for a second.  I don’t suppose my mental health helps me if I’m truly honest but I don’t feel comfortable talking to the gp about this .  If he knew that I was writing all this stuff down he would be very angry.  He would also say I was so so wrong.

    • #169880
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Oh here we go again being ok again 🙄.  I want to puke so much.

    • #169897
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      @DesperateHousewife101 ,  I just wanted to apologise again just in case my response was pathetic.  I suppose when our heads are confused what we want to say and what we say are two different things.   Thank you though for your support it really means a great deal to me.

      • #169901

        Stargazing, you are NOT pathetic. And you don’t need to apologise for ANYTHING. Not to us here, and not to your abusive partner.

        Please don’t blame yourself and call yourself a failure – remember you had no problem telling me I’m not a failure – try and treat yourself with the same love and respect.

        When things get tough and we are self-critical, we think everything is our fault and we are to blame for everything. But we’re not – we don’t live in a vacuum. To go through this amount of stress and to be treated so badly and misunderstood, you can’t accept fault. Our partners are supposed to add to our lives, support and uplift us, not to take us away from ourselves, which very much sounds like what is happening.

        At our purest form we should be able to love ourselves unconditionally and all this shame you are taking on to yourself says you need to get back to yourself. You are not any of this. Nothing of what your partner is saying is true (even if you believe it is), nor helpful, and I hope you can get the support to start to realise this.

        I’m so glad you have this forum as an outlet, it sounds like to you need to get it all out of your head. And you may feel at odds with what you’re saying and thinking but you’re processing so much stuff. Just let it out and let it go.

        I really hope the gp is helping and hope you don’t have long to wait for a support worker who can really listen and understand.

        Keep going.
        Big love x*x

    • #169898
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I was just wondering if anyone else wonders if things happen for a reason?  Something occurred last week and my other half had to pay for something because unfortunately my circumstances wouldn’t allow it . Part of me thinks I was blessed for this too occur .

    • #169908
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      @DesperateHousewife , thank you for your kind words.  Once I start talking properly to womens aid I might start to feel a little bit better. It’s so nice to have this forum to pop down things that are upsetting us . I will be forever grateful to the forum for existing.  I just find it difficult to believe in myself when he points out my faults . Thank you once again.  Please take care of yourself too and keep safe.

    • #169911
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I’ve allowed myself to be intamate with him . Stupid I know . It isn’t something I’m proud of and there is part of me that’s very angry with myself.  Funnily enough when I parted with my 1st husband and things where messy I let myself be intamate with him too . Then he decided it shouldn’t have happened.  I will try not to be too angry with myself.  I am still going to talk with womens aid because I don’t really want to be around him half the time and before I know it he will be shouting etc at me over next to nothing.  I know how pathetic I’ve been by giving into being intamate because I’ve said before how he makes me puke.  He actually does make me puke I suppose sometimes I have to pretend so I can stay sane . Once I start talking to womens aid I hope to gain some confidence in how to deal with my misgivings etc . Just because I’ve done what I’ve done it doesn’t mean I forgive him because I don’t.   It doesn’t take much for him to flip  he won’t change and at the end of the day I’m only human.  I will make mistakes/ wrong choices.  Funnily enough I don’t feel like I’m back madly in love with him either.  I don’t really feel anything.  Up until being here and being in touch with womens aid I would be bowled over that we had been close but not any more . I’m writing this down as a keepsake for myself so I can look back on this and think so that’s how it played out .

    • #169912
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I do actually detest myself now for letting myself get that close to him . I wasn’t intending for it too happen . How can I like myself after letting myself get to that stage.

      • #169917

        Never stop loving yourself, and forgive yourself. You’re doing your best. Trust that and have your own back, and you will get through this x*x

    • #169920
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Thank you so much @DesperateHousewife101 💓.

    • #169932
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      My mood is quite low at the moment .   I feel like I’ve struggled quite a lot today .   Obviously there’s the issue with my other half and the fact also that I got close yesterday.  Other issues have compacted my mood too today.  I’ve tried to keep busy but it wasn’t a success.  He’s acting like a child who has been brought the best present ever from the toy shop.   Some info has come to light which will probably put him in a good mood.  Obviously good things never last do they .  I mean does he think I’ve forgotten about his verbal abuse just because I don’t mention it   it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about it . He’s noticed I’m not as buoyant as I can be . I’ve told him I’m depressed but obviously I didn’t tell him why . He did ask but I just said  it’s nothing.     It is hard being buoyant all the time when abuse goes on .  As far as he’s concerned it’s OK to do what he does but as we all know it’s not .   I just hope I sleep tonight because sometimes when I’m low I struggle to sleep.   Once again I write here for a keep safe and also because there isn’t always anyone else to talk too .

    • #169933
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s only ever got one thing on his mind .  I don’t think he ever wants to talk about anything else unless he’s getting on to me about something.  It drives me mad thinking that all he wants to talk about is being intamate.     He honestly makes me puke .   Looking forward to speaking to womens aid about all this c**p.  I do think I want to escape from all of this I really do .  He’s upset me so much despite it only being verbal abuse he’s still upset me and he’s lost a lot of ground with me . I have been in the past weeks stronger than what I am at the moment and I may gain that strength back but at the moment it is rather difficult to comprehend.  I hope to snuggle down soon with a bit of something to watch before I do manage to sleep that’s my comfort zone. Knowing full well I don’t have to spend the night in the same room as him .  I will never know how he can’t see what he’s doing.

    • #169945
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He brought up my faults in conversation (detail removed by Moderator).  Then said everyone has faults.  Funny how he pointed out that I had faults before admitting everyone ( probably meaning himself included ) has faults.   He’s also been crude again . Is that all he thinks about. God almighty give me strength.

    • #169954
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      He’s still being ok but deep down in my heart I know the worm will turn.  He’s only being ok because circumstances are a little different at the moment . Like I’ve said he’s like a child who has been brought the best toy ever.  Saying that I’ve tried to talk to him about important things and I’ve been ignored.  So despite his ok personality at the moment there is still that ignorance in him disregarding what I’m saying.

    • #169955
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      I don’t really want to spend any time with him at all .  I really don’t.

    • #169956

      What’s he being crude about? Sex?

      I can broadly sympathise. Despite a conversation (detail removed by Moderator) when I said I didn’t want to be responsible for responding to his sexual urges (and he agreed) (detail removed by Moderator) he’s tried it on and kept at it despite me pushing him away a few times. I’ve been soo tired, so completely rebuffed him and I probably need to ask him to stop during waking hours. I imagine at some point he’ll throw it back in my face but trying to have faith in him that he respects my decision (that old chestnut).

    • #169966

      Hey Stargazing, hope you’re doing ok. Realise I made my response to you all about me! Sorry about that. Just wanted to let you know you’re not on your own.

      It’s tough and it can feel lonely on this journey but we are here with you and for you.

      Sending hugs xx

    • #169967
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      Apologies for my late response @DesperateHousewife101 ,  I’ve not really been able to respond to you before now.  Peace at last . Yes he is being crude about sexual stuff . I detest the stuff he says . Sounds like you are having similar issues I am so truly sorry that you are experiencing such disgraceful behaviour too .  I’m sure they think they own us and can just touch and feel us whenever they feel like it . They don’t own us and we have a right to say stop .  I’m also sorry to hear there will be come backs for you . What you are describing is very familiar with all of us here it’s utterly ridiculous 🙄.   Sounds a bit like a lot of us are in the same boat .  I will never get my head around how thier minds work .  Oh so we involve ourselves with them then suddenly they think we are thier possessions well we are not .  My heart goes out to you.  Its so upsetting isn’t it . I’ve spent a few hours out of the house today with him I didn’t want to go out with him but I did .  Like a  kid with the best toy ever he was all sweetness and light.  As we do we play along .  Later in the evening his mood changed well what a surprise lol 😆.  Doesn’t take long for the worm to turn does it .  He’s gone to bed thank goodness.  I have my own bedroom so I don’t have to be with him during the night . I love it . Peace perfect Peace having my own room .  Sorry I’m rambling on . Sorry 😞.    We need to hold our heads high because we are not the bad ones here .  Once again I apologise for my late response.  It’s always best to wait until the coast is clear .

    • #169968
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      @DesperateHousewife101 , please you have nothing to apologise for.   This is a safe place to post and if you are ok talking I’m happy to talk.  I can’t always respond straight away but I will respond as soon as I can . I appreciate your support and kindness and time it really is appreciated.  I almost got sucked in by his kindness but I have to keep reminding myself of what he’s done and most probably will do again.  Yeah let’s stick together strength in numbers.  Hope you manage to rest tonight.  Take care of yourself and keep safe . Chat soon.

    • #169972
      Stargazing1
      Participant

      (detail removed by Moderator) when circumstances where different too (detail removed by Moderator) I got swore at , the silent treatment etc etc .  Yawning alot (detail removed by Moderator) and getting on at me as usual and I was shouted at over nothing.  (detail removed by Moderator) as I’ve said circumstances are different.  Yawning and then fell asleep.  What a chuffing hypocrite 🙄.

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