- This topic has 319 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 6 months, 3 weeks ago by
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I am seriously wondering if Karma is involved. Quite a while back whilst in a job I was terribly terribly stressed about how things where playing out . Managers where expecting alot from employees but some took no notice and got away with stuff. I was very stressed and complained alot , got upset alot and shouted a bit at home about it . I didn’t know how to deal with it . Now a while after someone else is stressed and they are shouting and in bad moods regularly. Is this just life and not what I think it is . I needed to get this off my chest.
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Hi Stargazing1,
We absolutely do know their true colours; they are like 2 different people. They wear a mask in public, which is the same mask they wore when they first met you.
But the majority of the time, the mask is only removed behind closed doors.I’m not convinced they can change either, I’ve had it for so many years now, I find it hard to believe my OH will ever be any different. But I do find it so hard trying to make that break from him.
They have a sense of entitlement and expect intimacy when they want it. In actual fact, its the last thing you want when they treat you the way they do.
When he is nice, its all to suck you back in again; all part of their cycle. Look up bread crumbing – its just a part of their manipulation tactics.
Speaking to you like that is never ok and you are absolutely entitled to your opinion! They do expect you to just sit and listen to them, you are only allowed to agree with them, but disagreeing with them is forbidden!
Being in a toxic environment at home where it is supposed to be a safe space, will affect how you cope in other areas of life. Even the smallest things can seem like the worst thing in the world.
It is not your fault, you do not control how he acts. Please don’t beat yourself up!
He has no right to belittle, mock, be disrespectful towards you – and you have every right to get away from the toxicity.
Sending you a big hug x
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Thank you so much @Lightning-Jet , I really appreciate your kindness, time and support ❤️. I am always grateful for anybodies support it means a great Deal. I will look up Bread crumbling . Sending a gentle hug back . Please take care of yourself and keep safe. Sending kind blessings your way . Your reply really means a great deal.
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I do want a chat with the person at Womens aid but I feel shaky and nervous. I know they are there to support and this time I don’t feel like I’m betraying him . I just feel very nervous. He’s not been shouting recently but there has been stuff said which hopefully I can talk about today . Hopefully some clarity will come about so I’m less confused.
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Your feelings are very normal. Talking to someone who is employed to look after survivors of abuse is a bit like taking the first real step to accepting that you are actually suffering abuse and that is a massive thing to take on board. Deep down, you know what’s going on but the idea of having an expert confirm it can feel quite confronting.
All I can say is that I felt the same before I first spoke to a professional but after that conversation I just felt a huge sense relief.
It sounds as though your partner may be gas lighting you. I would recommend that you get a discreet digital voice recorder. It really opened my eyes to be able to play back conversations and hear him say things that he later denied saying and to hear how he twisted and turned the narrative to confuse me.
I hope your conversation with WA is helpful. They are your advocates and they will understand exactly what’s going on. xx
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Thank you so much for your kindness @Eggshells. I really appreciate your support. I did manage to speak with someone but understand because I couldn’t go through with it last time I have got to start from the beginning again. I just didn’t have the strength to go through with it last time but now I feel i can speak about it . Apparently it is abuse . I’m just so blinkered part of me sees it and maybe the other part either doesn’t see it or just doesn’t want to believe it . I’ve sent another money to the local womens aid and I now await a response. I have apologised too them I just hope I haven’t messed everything up for myself. Thanks again. Please take care of yourself. Sending kind blessings your way.
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Thank you again @Eggshells 💓, your support is really appreciated. This time I will make sure I talk about it all . Sending once again kind blessings. Take care of yourself too please.
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Your very welcome @Eggshells . So happy for you. So glad you got out . That takes a great deal of strength to do that . Good for you 👍. I’m so glad life is so much simpler for you . I hope to aim for the same eventually. I’m so very happy for you . 💓. All the best with everything. Nice one 👍. Thank you 😊.
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I know this looks stupid me posting to myself again. Part of the reason is for keep safes . The other is to write it down on paper when I talk to womens aid. Now I know we have to be careful what we say here . All I will say is my husbands is so full of c**p it’s unreal . Whoa be tide if anyone disagrees with him . According to him I’m always doing something wrong in his eyes . He’s never wrong and whoa be tide if anyone interrupts him . He’s such an hypocrite it’s unreal . Something has happened and it’s me what’s getting all the c**p thrown at them . Close family including mine think the sun shines out of him . In my eyes he’s despicable.
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I apologise unreservedly for only posting here on this one of mine it’s because I’ve got so much going on my head feels like it could explode . I’m a rubbish helper. My answers are the most rubbish ever . My heart goes out to each and every single one of you here . I wish none of you where in the situation you are . People treating us like trash is so wrong. I despise these people for what they are doing to others it’s disgusting. Get in touch with your local womens aid if you can. Please take care of yourselves everyone and stay safe .
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People see me with him and think I’m the useless one. They think the sun shines out if him . They don’t know half of it . People are so quick to judge . Would they be happy if they were being spoken down too . I don’t think so . If my other half spoke to my daughter or sin like he does me they would soon change their minds.
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Thank you @Lisa . It did help . Had to wait quite a while to make the call due to not having the safe space.
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The acting like nothing has happened is an absolute joke. No apology. Been out and being nice was top of his list . Isn’t this just typical 🙄. While out I wanted to cry but being out in public and being in tears is not what I want to occur. Absolutely rubbish though when we want to cry but we have to fight back the tears it’s awful. According to him it was a great time . It wasn’t great it was so so . It won’t be long before the terrible behaviour kicks off again hopefully by then womens aid will be around so I can tell them all that’s occurring.
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Hi @Me now , glad you took legal action . Really pleased you did that . Until anyone has been through what we have been through with these people they will never know what these people are really like and not one single one of them would like what’s going on . People are so blinkered and so easy to judge the victims .
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This is so weird. I’m starting to feel like I’ve made a mountain out of a mole hill again because it’s all gone quiet. He’s being ok again. This messes with my head so much . Funny how I’ve been in touch with womens and again and he’s gone quiet. At least I know I’ve got womens aid to contact if I need them .
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Hi Stargazing1,
Abusers can be very good at knowing when they’ve pushed you to a certain point and then change their behaviour to being okay. He does this precisely to mess with your head and make you question yourself. It’s part of the abuse. You can get support from your local service through these quiet times too if you need.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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Thank you for the confirmation @Lisa . I appreciate your feedback .
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I appreciate your feedback @Lisa but it still leaves me very puzzled . It’s so confusing.
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He’s not shouted at me about (detail removed by Moderator). This is so very confusing. He’s not really talked alot too me but he hasn’t shouted . I will still pursue talking to womens aid because I got shouted at (detail removed by Moderator) over something so small . So I will still pursue talking too them .
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Stargazing, I just want to let you know you’re not on your own in this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is not you. His treatment of you is abusive and just awful.
It’s natural to think you are a failure given your environment and its so hard to pick yourself up – but it IS possible!
Can you talk to anyone or listen to something helpful or soothing and is there anywhere else you can go?
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@DesperateHousewife101 , thank you so much for your kindness and time I appreciate it so much ❤️. There’s just one thing at the back of my mind where I know he would say it’s all my fault. I’m the bad one . A few months ago I brought up a subject about something and basically told me I was at fault. He will tell me how he’s done this , that and the other and that I’m ungrateful so I’m always at loggerheads within myself. I’m awaiting a support worker from womens aid hopefully it won’t be too long now . Unfortunately due to my failures I’m not working at the moment. Work just stresses my right out so much I can’t really cope with it . I know how pathetic I sound. I apologise unreservedly for my ramblings. I have my own bedroom which I take myself off to regularly to escape for a while that’s how I cope at the moment. Once again sorry for my ramblings . Please take care of yourself and keep safe. Wish you the best of luck . Your not a failure no way I don’t believe that for a second. I don’t suppose my mental health helps me if I’m truly honest but I don’t feel comfortable talking to the gp about this . If he knew that I was writing all this stuff down he would be very angry. He would also say I was so so wrong.
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@DesperateHousewife101 , I just wanted to apologise again just in case my response was pathetic. I suppose when our heads are confused what we want to say and what we say are two different things. Thank you though for your support it really means a great deal to me.
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Stargazing, you are NOT pathetic. And you don’t need to apologise for ANYTHING. Not to us here, and not to your abusive partner.
Please don’t blame yourself and call yourself a failure – remember you had no problem telling me I’m not a failure – try and treat yourself with the same love and respect.
When things get tough and we are self-critical, we think everything is our fault and we are to blame for everything. But we’re not – we don’t live in a vacuum. To go through this amount of stress and to be treated so badly and misunderstood, you can’t accept fault. Our partners are supposed to add to our lives, support and uplift us, not to take us away from ourselves, which very much sounds like what is happening.
At our purest form we should be able to love ourselves unconditionally and all this shame you are taking on to yourself says you need to get back to yourself. You are not any of this. Nothing of what your partner is saying is true (even if you believe it is), nor helpful, and I hope you can get the support to start to realise this.
I’m so glad you have this forum as an outlet, it sounds like to you need to get it all out of your head. And you may feel at odds with what you’re saying and thinking but you’re processing so much stuff. Just let it out and let it go.
I really hope the gp is helping and hope you don’t have long to wait for a support worker who can really listen and understand.
Keep going.
Big love x*x
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@DesperateHousewife , thank you for your kind words. Once I start talking properly to womens aid I might start to feel a little bit better. It’s so nice to have this forum to pop down things that are upsetting us . I will be forever grateful to the forum for existing. I just find it difficult to believe in myself when he points out my faults . Thank you once again. Please take care of yourself too and keep safe.
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I’ve allowed myself to be intamate with him . Stupid I know . It isn’t something I’m proud of and there is part of me that’s very angry with myself. Funnily enough when I parted with my 1st husband and things where messy I let myself be intamate with him too . Then he decided it shouldn’t have happened. I will try not to be too angry with myself. I am still going to talk with womens aid because I don’t really want to be around him half the time and before I know it he will be shouting etc at me over next to nothing. I know how pathetic I’ve been by giving into being intamate because I’ve said before how he makes me puke. He actually does make me puke I suppose sometimes I have to pretend so I can stay sane . Once I start talking to womens aid I hope to gain some confidence in how to deal with my misgivings etc . Just because I’ve done what I’ve done it doesn’t mean I forgive him because I don’t. It doesn’t take much for him to flip he won’t change and at the end of the day I’m only human. I will make mistakes/ wrong choices. Funnily enough I don’t feel like I’m back madly in love with him either. I don’t really feel anything. Up until being here and being in touch with womens aid I would be bowled over that we had been close but not any more . I’m writing this down as a keepsake for myself so I can look back on this and think so that’s how it played out .
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I do actually detest myself now for letting myself get that close to him . I wasn’t intending for it too happen . How can I like myself after letting myself get to that stage.
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Thank you so much @DesperateHousewife101 💓.
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My mood is quite low at the moment . I feel like I’ve struggled quite a lot today . Obviously there’s the issue with my other half and the fact also that I got close (detail removed by Moderator). Other issues have compacted my mood too today. I’ve tried to keep busy but it wasn’t a success. He’s acting like a child who has been brought the best present ever from the toy shop. Some info has come to light which will probably put him in a good mood. Obviously good things never last do they . I mean does he think I’ve forgotten about his verbal abuse just because I don’t mention it it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about it . He’s noticed I’m not as buoyant as I can be . I’ve told him I’m depressed but obviously I didn’t tell him why . He did ask but I just said it’s nothing. It is hard being buoyant all the time when abuse goes on . As far as he’s concerned it’s OK to do what he does but as we all know it’s not . I just hope I sleep tonight because sometimes when I’m low I struggle to sleep. Once again I write here for a keep safe and also because there isn’t always anyone else to talk too .
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He’s only ever got one thing on his mind . I don’t think he ever wants to talk about anything else unless he’s getting on to me about something. It drives me mad thinking that all he wants to talk about is being intamate. He honestly makes me puke . Looking forward to speaking to womens aid about all this c**p. I do think I want to escape from all of this I really do . He’s upset me so much despite it only being verbal abuse he’s still upset me and he’s lost a lot of ground with me . I have been in the past weeks stronger than what I am at the moment and I may gain that strength back but at the moment it is rather difficult to comprehend. I hope to snuggle down soon with a bit of something to watch before I do manage to sleep that’s my comfort zone. Knowing full well I don’t have to spend the night in the same room as him . I will never know how he can’t see what he’s doing.
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He brought up my faults in conversation (detail removed by Moderator). Then said everyone has faults. Funny how he pointed out that I had faults before admitting everyone ( probably meaning himself included ) has faults. He’s also been crude again . Is that all he thinks about. God almighty give me strength.
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He’s still being ok but deep down in my heart I know the worm will turn. He’s only being ok because circumstances are a little different at the moment . Like I’ve said he’s like a child who has been brought the best toy ever. Saying that I’ve tried to talk to him about important things and I’ve been ignored. So despite his ok personality at the moment there is still that ignorance in him disregarding what I’m saying.
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What’s he being crude about? Sex?
I can broadly sympathise. Despite a conversation (detail removed by Moderator) when I said I didn’t want to be responsible for responding to his sexual urges (and he agreed) (detail removed by Moderator) he’s tried it on and kept at it despite me pushing him away a few times. I’ve been soo tired, so completely rebuffed him and I probably need to ask him to stop during waking hours. I imagine at some point he’ll throw it back in my face but trying to have faith in him that he respects my decision (that old chestnut).
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Apologies for my late response @DesperateHousewife101 , I’ve not really been able to respond to you before now. Peace at last . Yes he is being crude about sexual stuff . I detest the stuff he says . Sounds like you are having similar issues I am so truly sorry that you are experiencing such disgraceful behaviour too . I’m sure they think they own us and can just touch and feel us whenever they feel like it . They don’t own us and we have a right to say stop . I’m also sorry to hear there will be come backs for you . What you are describing is very familiar with all of us here it’s utterly ridiculous 🙄. Sounds a bit like a lot of us are in the same boat . I will never get my head around how thier minds work . Oh so we involve ourselves with them then suddenly they think we are thier possessions well we are not . My heart goes out to you. Its so upsetting isn’t it . I’ve spent a few hours out of the house (detail removed by Moderator) with him I didn’t want to go out with him but I did . Like a kid with the best toy ever he was all sweetness and light. As we do we play along . (detail removed by Moderator) his mood changed well what a surprise lol 😆. Doesn’t take long for the worm to turn does it . (detail removed by Moderator). I have my own bedroom so I don’t have to be with him during the night . I love it . Peace perfect Peace having my own room . Sorry I’m rambling on . Sorry 😞. We need to hold our heads high because we are not the bad ones here . Once again I apologise for my late response. It’s always best to wait until the coast is clear .
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@DesperateHousewife101 , please you have nothing to apologise for. This is a safe place to post and if you are ok talking I’m happy to talk. I can’t always respond straight away but I will respond as soon as I can . I appreciate your support and kindness and time it really is appreciated. I almost got sucked in by his kindness but I have to keep reminding myself of what he’s done and most probably will do again. Yeah let’s stick together strength in numbers. Hope you manage to rest tonight. Take care of yourself and keep safe . Chat soon.
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(detail removed by Moderator) when circumstances where different too (detail removed by Moderator) I got swore at , the silent treatment etc etc . Yawning alot (detail removed by Moderator) and getting on at me as usual and I was shouted at over nothing. (detail removed by Moderator) as I’ve said circumstances are different. Yawning and then fell asleep. What a chuffing hypocrite 🙄.
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I would love to move away as far as possible. I’m seeing things that is making me think no one in the family I e son or daughter would bat an eye lid . I’m watching and seeing how they are around him and there is more grace for him than there is me . They care more for him than me . Hopefully once I get the support network I can hopefully become stronger and not be worried anymore .
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I was on tenterhooks most of the evening expecting to want to be close . I just can’t bring myself to approach him around being close I just don’t want too . Thankfully it wasn’t mentioned but I always worry that it will be . A bit of peace at last. At ease once he’s gone to bed . All that goes through my mind is Thank God.
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As I’ve posted in a previous post I do get so very confused easily with what people are saying because of them saying one thing and day and then saying some else another day it is really difficult to understand. It makes me think my family are against me . Then (detail removed by Moderator) a family member confided in me . I told them I would keep it too myself. It isn’t anything bad it’s a nice thing actually but I didn’t think this person would ever confied in me . I just don’t know anymore 😕.
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After everything I said (detail removed by Moderator) I’m wondering if I’ve been conned . It’s just the way things are panning out after the conversation with my daughter. I am really getting fed up with everything. I know I might sound pathetic but a gut feeling tells me something isn’t right about it all .
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It’s time for me to stop being a burden here . I just can’t help being stupid. I’ve posted too many unnecessary posts . Posts I didn’t really need too post . I’m the most idiotic person here. Wishing I wasn’t so idiotic. I am so very ashamed of myself. Unfortunately I’m a car crash waiting to happen. Just can’t help being stupid.
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Hi Stargazing1,
You are going through a lot at the moment.It sounds like you are having to sit with a lot of difficult feelings and you are in a situation where you may not be feeling heard or supported. Its important you have a space for this- your posts are not unnecessary if they are helpful for you and you are not a burden at all.
The forum is always here if you need it, be kind to yourself-you deserve that
Best Wishes
Lisa
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Probably looking really silly but I these relationships confuse us day in and day out . That is probably why I class myself as a burden. One day bad then a few good days. It is quite annoying Really. Grinds a person down . Even if this is a keep safe at least I can reflect . Best to keep a log of things .
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Thank you @DesperateHousewife101 I appreciate your feedback. It’s OK not to get a response. I just can get very low in my mood sometimes that’s all . Thank you. Take care of yourself.
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@Stargazing1 definitely not a burden. We all post in our own ways. I get what you’re feeling as sometimes I feel like I post all the time but even worse I’m never very concise and I think no one prob bothers reading it all! But what’s important is how posting makes you feel. If it helps keep doing it. Sometimes it helps just getting things down in black and white.
People say about keeping a diary to get your feelings out. I have tried but feel like it’s just a load of bad stuff. When I post here it doesn’t seem as bad for some reason and I can still look back or access the posts should I want to.
So basically just carry on doing you. Post what and when you want as there are no rules and I think everyone here respects that and understands xx -
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(detail removed by Moderator) A slight bit of the nasty side has been happening on and off ( just odd moments) . It’s always there wish I could realise this .
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Hi @stargazing1, I’m so sorry you’re going through this but it’s always good to know you’re not alone in this. I can really relate to your frustration and needing to let things out and vent to someone.
They make us feel like we’re going insane, like we are the problem when we aren’t at all. My abuser mentally abuses me, he is very loving but has another side to him that is nasty and evil, yet he says I’m the horrible one. I have been accused of things I haven’t done and had verbal abuse thrown my way. I’ve been accused of teasing men by taking a sip of water and a man just happens to drive past. He sees this as teasing and has called me an idiot for this.
unfortunately they never change which is hard to comprehend. My mental health is really suffering because of this and I’m starting to see this more clearer so I’m taking the steps to get help and have started the gym.
Always remember you’re not alone and it’s always good to let things out to vent or speak with someone when you’re feeling low.
Take care sending my love from Sunsetluv x
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Hi @Sunsetluv , I’m so truly sorry to hear you are experiencing what a lot of people here are experiencing I wish this wasn’t the case for you at all . Affecting your mental health is what happens isn’t it when they are being as they are . It does get very confusing when one minute they are nice then before we know it they are being horrible .
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Sorry @Sunsetluv , my message is in two parts because I thought I heard a noise in the house . Sorry . I can understand it effecting your mental health it would mess with anyone’s feelings being like they are . I am glad things are in place for you and your managing to get some time for yourself by going to the gym . I hope and pray that one day better things will be coming your way . Make sure you take care of yourself and always be kind to yourself too and please keep safe . I like to post things here as a keep safe just to remind myself of how things are . I appreciate your support a great deal 👍. Thank you so much 💓. I really hope one day you get your golden ticket and are far far happier 😊.
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@Sunsetluv , apologies three parts . I am sorry to here what you are being accused of also . No wonder you feel as you do . In my instance it’s my other half that is definitely a flirt according to him he’s shy . I don’t believe a word he’s says . They do talk out of their backsides sometimes. You know yourself your doing nothing wrong but they have to twist things . Once again im sorry you are dealing with such rubbish. My heart goes out to you . Take care 🙂 💕. God bless.
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There are lots of problems occurring within this family unit . Somethings have been spoken about recently which could potentially bring major issues. Despite someone being ok at the moment if and when the issues arise there will be f***y cuffs at dawn . In the back of my mind I potentially knew this would become an issue at some point and I think he possibly did too . I feel like I’m between the devil and the deep blue sea . A certain person keeps telling me that other people have got hidden agendas . Am I that stupid to not realise or is this another way of people messing with my head . I can’t always work it out . I try to be honest with people especially family. Are my family out to get me flummoxed. Are my family traitors ? . Do my family detest me that much ? Unless they say I will never know . I never expected things to be do difficult. I will try and take each day as it comes knowing full well if his nasty side accumulates I will contact refuge and get out .
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People in the family are going to say I’ve made a mountain out of a mole hill. They are going to say I’m wrong. They didn’t see what occurred while we were out the other day . It wasn’t exactly directed at me but he was on edge quite a bit . Doesn’t take much for him to blow up . It does make me look stupid when my family think I’m a wimp .
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Hi Stargazing,
It’s good that you have that safety plan in mind of steps to take to get safe if the abuse does escalate. You’re doing the right thing to think about how best to protect yourself. Remember too that, if you’re ever feeling at immediate risk of harm from him, that is an emergency and you can call 999 so that the police can come and help keep you safe.
People misunderstand and minimise abuse. It’s hard not to listen to what other people think, but you’re not a wimp and his abusive behaviour is unacceptable. As you say, they didn’t see what happened. Abusers are often clever at concealing their abuse and part of that is to make survivors feel like they won’t be believed. Your experience and the impact on you are important. You know that this doesn’t feel right, trust your own instincts. If you need to, post here or talk to your local domestic abuse service about what’s happening so that you can be validated.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
Thank you @Lisa .
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Not sure how I feel after my assessment. Flat maybe . Overwhelmed a bit . Unsure a bit . Lots of emotions at the moment.
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Hi Stargazing1,
Assessments can be really hard and draining, often you have to discuss painful things and talk about life struggles. They can be upsetting and make personal difficulties feel more prominent. It sounds like it’s given you a lot to process, it’s not surprising that you’re feeling overwhelmed.
You are not to blame for the abuse. There is no excuse for abusive behaviours. There is nothing that you could do that would mean that you deserve the abuse from your partner. Abusers do often blame their partner’s neurodivergence, mental ill-health, or other disability for their abuse, but that’s further abusive behaviour and isn’t okay. The fact that you have a diagnosis doesn’t change who you are or make things your fault.
I hope that you can find a little peace over the next few days and do something nice to look after yourself. Be proud of reaching out for support and going through diagnosis. None of this is easy, yet you keep moving forward.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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His mood has been quite fair if I’m truly honest then again everything has been quiet for him . No sure what’s going to occur around the corner though. (detail removed by Moderator) things will go back to how they were before. If some things get under his skin he won’t be happy. I’m not that blindsided too think oh he’s been nice he’s changed that is not the case . The anger is always there in the background.
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Thank you so much @Lisa 💓. I really appreciate your kindness. Take care of yourself too please.
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My daughter is really starting to get on my nerves 😒 🙄. She is always secretive and hardly ever tells me anything. Ok she’s got her own life to live but she’s being really sneaky and I’m starting to despise what’s going on . How can she ever complain about others 🤔. Honestly I feel so fed up with her but I have done for a while now. Is there any wonder why I’d love to live far away from everyone.
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I’m new to this forum. And my response to you may be a little clumsy; there is no offence intended at all.
I feel for you. I’ve read your posts, and initially, I was, what the hell? And then I got it. You are using this forum to express your thoughts and feelings, and that’s cool. We can all relate to what you are saying, and remember, whilst it might feel that you are alone. You are not.
I wish that something like this had existed or I had known about it when I was with my ex-husband. I felt so isolated and alone.
Families are really complicated. (detail removed by Moderator)
When I rang my parents to tell them I’d been beaten for the last time and I was leaving my ex-husband, all my mother was worried about how I couldn’t divorce as no one in the family had been divorced. It took me a long time to get over that one.
Please never feel like a burden; keep using this space as a safety blanket. I wish from the bottom of my heart that you get some peace xx
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Hi @Ginjaninja257 , you haven’t said anything wrong at all . Yes I use this as a keep safe to remind me of things thar occur . I have occasionally replied to some posts but if I’m honest some of my answers are not very articulate. I am very grateful of your kind words and support it really means a great deal to me. Things just get messy and I just need to vent . At least this is a safe space . It would have been helpful to you to have this space when you was separating from you husband your right . I hope everything is reasonably alright with you now . I hope you are taking care and being kind to yourself. It’s heartbreaking to hear how other people have issues with family members too . I can imagine that what was said to you would have hurt and a little fed up too . Life and people can be very cruel at times something we could do without . I hope putting things aside you have managed to get back on track with your mum and things are not as hostile . I agree family life is a pain in the butt big style. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to chat with me I appreciate more than you will ever know . I need to keep posting I need it for sanity partly and as I said before it’s my keep safe too . I wish you nothing but the very best in anything you have to accomplish in life . Please take care of yourself and always be kind to yourself too. All the best 👍. Sending kind blessings too . Thanks again.
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One positive is I’ve had quite a few hours of peace and quiet this evening which is the best thing ever for me . I love just sitting on the sofa all by myself and having no one around it’s bliss . At least some if the week there will be more peace as things go back to normal I have to make the most of those quiet hours .
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My appointment with the women’s aid support worker got cancelled due to staff illness. I do think I really need to talk to the support worker.
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I woke up this morning feeling very very upset. I had to hold things together because it was (detail removed by Moderator) day . All I wanted to do in the shop was cry . I held back the tears to save any embarrament . All I could think of was I need to talk to someone. Womens aid told me last time I could speak with a gp . I found some courage to try when it was safe . Someone called me back but I was too upset too talk . They have taken some details and I said I would ring back next week. After a little while I called Samaritans I needed to talk to someone. He’s been making me feel like a burden. He’s fed up with my side of the family once again. Don’t know how I’m finding strength to put up with all of this . I did mention to the gp about my assessment and said it could be all my fault. The gp sighed.
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It is a relief @Bluebirds definitely. I suppose it’s because we are glad because they are not speaking etc . I have my own bedroom it’s bliss . Take care of yourself and keep safe.
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I don’t even know if I do know right from wrong anymore. I keep thinking about stuff . I think I could have made things worse. I just don’t know what to think about all this stuff that’s going on . Could all this be my fault . Is it me that is doing everything wrong. Maybe it is me especially now I know about this hidden disability.
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Hi Stargazing1,
A disability that means you may have increased difficulty in relationships does not mean that the abuse is acceptable or your fault. A non-abusive partner would work with you to address any difficulties so that you can come up with solutions together or they might choose to leave if they’re not happy. What your partner is doing is choosing to be abusive towards you and that is never okay. He chooses to stay and to abuse because that’s what suits him. He is responsible for his behaviour, there is nothing you could be doing as a result of your disability that would justify domestic abuse. Abuse is all about power and control and if he is using your disability (or anything else) to blame you for his behaviour, that’s part of the abuse too.
You are not alone in this worry that it’s your fault. This is a really common thing for women to feel when they’re experiencing domestic abuse. When you’re repeatedly belittled, disparaged, and blamed, it’s understandable that you start to believe those messages and feel like you’re at fault. It’s confusing and awful and one of the tactics that abusers use to control and stop women from leaving. You may have neurodifferences but that has not caused the abuse.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
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Felt really uncomfortable (detail removed by Moderator) 😕. Something was said and I could feel myself feeling tense . I kept my calm but didn’t say alot. He has definitely got an issue with my side of the family. I want to be in touch with my son and daughter but I sometimes think he wants me to not talk to them 😕.
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I’ve gone and let myself be close to him . I only wish I hadn’t. Luckily there are still a few more days left until I get another call . Me being close to him isn’t the end of the world I suppose but it is a massive mistake. I’ve let myself down and the people who are going to call me down too . I have no idea what the next step is . Why does everything have to be so messy.
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You are not a rubbish or horrible person. That’s the way he wants you to think. That’s the way they work. I was wondering the same thing until recently. Wondering perhaps if it was me that was the problem, perhaps I was being overly sensitive to things, taking things the wrong way maybe etc?
It wasn’t until I was told that I was in an emotionally abusive coercive relationship a few months ago that things fell in to place. (detail removed by Moderator).
It was never me, it was just the way he wanted me to feel. Stripped of me, my friends, my life.
You are not a rubbish or horrible person! Don’t let him make you feel like you are. Yes it’s hard. I’m still putting up with it but in my head now, I know what he’s doing and I won’t let him make him think it’s me anymore.
I got shouted at (detail removed by Moderator) for asking a simple question and yes, I was really upset and my initial reaction was I did something wrong, but then my new reality kicked in and I just looked at him and did my little Homer Simpson in my head and sang the circus song so I drowned him out 🙂
You have got this. Until we are strong enough to end our trauma, we need to be strong.
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Hello @Loopy2 , nice to meet you . Sincere apologies for my late response. It’s sad to hear how you have had to deal with a very similar case to most people here . My heart goes out to you . I am glad that the issues where pointed out to you so you could see what was actually happening. I’m glad that you are in a position where you don’t believe in anything this person is saying to you . That takes some strength to do that . I am grateful for your feedback on how this is making me feel . I do so worry about what I should and shouldn’t say these days . I detest it when we ask a simple question and get shouted at . I just usually go quiet and hang me head in shame . I’m sorry to hear this person upset you but these people are good at doing that. I’m glad you found solace in something that helped you cope I’d only just a bit . Thank you for your support 🙏. I am very grateful 🙏. Please take care of yourself. Maybe deep down we all know we should think much better of ourselves . Baby steps and all that . Best wishes ❤️.
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Unfortunately I woke up later than I usually do . Seem to be in the bad books for that . I apologised. I got told off again. Got told off for having a (detail removed by moderator). Not accepting that he could be part if the reason why things are going wrong. Apparently it’s all my fault. Because i worry it’s all my fault.
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He’s heard some news on the grapevine . All of a sudden he’s being nice again and it will be because everything will probably go the way he wants it too . He makes me puke . Still not been very well. I’ve hardly spoken to him . How can he do what he does and think it’s OK. He never says Sorry for anything.
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Thank you @Better-Days . I appreciate your support 🙏. Take care of yourself too please 🙏.
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When someone is being nice I don’t automatically think everything will be OK now. My eyes have opened very widely to this situation even though I post things like I don’t know what to think . Deep down I know this person won’t change. The thing that bugs me more than anything is I am told how ungrateful I am . I shouldn’t think about anyone but him . Him and him only. We are speaking but I am going to try and not let myself be fooled by the mask . He’s walking around like the world is his oyster but we all know a volcano get errupt at any time without warning. One of my fears is leaving without telling him . I watched something recently and the conversation went along the lines of ” you must tell him ” . That’s the bit I would struggle with tell him or not tell him . Probably worrying unnecessarily but I like to try and put thing into perspective.
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