negative counselling experiences

[Anonymous]

Hi, this is my first post, and I was wondering if anyone else has had a negative experience with counsellors/therapists. I have experienced emotional familial abuse (in the form of written letters) on and off from my father for most of my life, which is very traumatic as there is no means of escaping it. I have shared some of these experiences with counsellors, and have been told by them that I’m just attention-seeking, that sending these letters back will get him to stop sending them (it didn’t), or that I should just bin them and forget about it.

[maddog]

Some therapists are just plain simple rubbish. You shouldn’t leave feeling further abused. If you don’t feel listened to or understood it is their fault, not yours. My dad used to send me l*****c letters too. I stopped reading them and put them in a file. It’s very difficult when we’ve grown up with these people. In the end I got angry with my dad and told him where to get off. He stopped in his tracks. It’s very hard when we’ve been undermined so much to realise what we actually want and it’s easy to fall back into feeling like a small child.

It’s very difficult finding a suitable therapist. Can your gp help you find the right questions to ask?

I’ve seen more c**p therapists in my marriage than I can shake a stick at. Luckily that’s over now and I have new issues to contend with. Keep going and write down little things you are good at and put them in a container. Absolutely anything.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi cirrocumulus
Welcome to the forum

How very insensitive and condescending from the part of your counsellors! They definately hold a victim blaming attitude towards you.
They clearly don’t have any understanding of the dynamics of abuse. It is isn’t as easy to just ‘bin something’. If it were you would be doing it already.
The issue aren’t the letters, it is the relationship with your father.
Words can be powerful and hold you locked down into an abusive situation especially if it’s a parent from whom we wish nothing more than understanding and compassion.

I would suggest to change therapist, find another who is supportive of you. Ask your GP to help you find one or refer to the bacp website. You could also call Women’s Aid to ask for advice.

I did go through one bad experience with a counsellor to the point I got quite afraid of her as I started recognising abusive traits and behaviour in her. I stopped seeing her.

Sending you strength & keep posting

[Author]

Posts