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    • #12489
      KIP.
      Participant

      Am struggling now trying to agree something ‘legal’ through solicitors. I made the mistake of trying to compromise and the goal posts just keep getting changed. I should have known better. My advice is to decide exactly what you want from the situation and stick to it. There is no compromising with an abuser even after the relationship has ended. Fairness and common sense doesn’t come into it. I’ve backed down and now I feel useless again. Why don’t I learn!

    • #12493
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Do not blame yourself. You are a good person. That’s why you gave in.
      I refused to compromise at some point and I could not care less to look as if I was not cooperating.
      It is important to be bold and even to stand up to the judges. x*x

    • #12494
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi KIP

      Its because we aren’t abusers, we think of everyone feeling before our own. But stand tall, and get what need for your future.

      FS xx

    • #12501
      Serenity
      Participant

      Trouble is, KIP, that in the often unfair legal world, we need to play the game so we don’t end up losing.

      The legal system ( which is sadly lacking ) is such that we need to appear to be reasonable, or else we end up losing out even more.

      I was told that I needed to ‘look like I was cooperating’ or the judge could deal harshly with me.

      Oh, KIP, don’t beat yourself up. In the moment, we weigh things up and judge the situation, and we sense that we need to cooperate or things might backfire on us.

      There’s so much to be done as regards the justice system. As abusers are all so alike, I can’t believe those with jurisdiction can’t see the pattern- but maybe it’s not that they can’t see the pattern, maybe it’s that the justice system is such that the perpetrator’s freedom and rights are over- emphasised!

      I am pretty sure your ex will slip-up big time one day, and fall flat on his face. You’re far from useless: see how much you’ve exposed him already x*x

    • #12510
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I even made a complaint to the court during the ongoing procedures. I had enough of their abusive treatment of myself and I told them so. I did not care what they would rule because I was determined to refuse cooperation if I did not agree. I was in a mindset already where I could not care less. I had enough of everything and I was prepared not to give in to abuse.
      The thing is, when a person is being abused for too long they lose all fear.
      I had reached that point. The court abuse made me even more stubborn and he got away with almost nothing.
      He lost everything. He got away with the abuse, but he did not get any material things out of me. I got all my stuff and almost everything I had bought during the marriage. I had no more costs since I fired the solicitor and represented myself. He wanted the hearings because he thought he would get lifelong monthly payments from me. He was left with the costs of that too. I laugh when I think of that. He is such an idiot. In the end I proofed that I am more intelligent and he is just a brainless cockroach.

    • #12512
      Serenity
      Participant

      I agree- the Financial Court seems to be fair.

      But in terms of abuse, child contact etc- the Family Court is shocking.

    • #12514
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Yes, the family court fails the children.
      I do not know what I would have done if I had children.

    • #12525
      Tto3
      Participant

      Reading though this as feeling at a complete loss. I can’t believe how the family court are allowed to continue to conduct. He is taking me back again after a period of months break. I can’t believe it’s allowed. Dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t.

    • #12529
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Write to Michael Gove and your local MP. Involve the media. Only hard fighting can save the children. Patriarchy sacrifices women and children for the enjoyment of abusive men. Patriarchy has a foot into all the achievements of women and tries to push us back into slavery. Abusers get away lightly. We need to protect the children and educate them to become promoters of peace and love and respect people so that they do not become like their abusive fathers.

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