Never give up

[Cecile]

Last night I was in despair and beginning to think I would never get any real help, tonight I am in seventh heaven after a lovely police officer took a long statement from me and listened and gave me advice. I feel like a human being tonight. It has been a long climb to get here, step by step but it feels so good.

[Anonymous]

Cecile – this is so great to hear, just what I needed to read tonight, knowing people are out there who can help. Well done for having the courage to talk to them too, I’m not quite there yet but baby steps x

[Cecile]

Its been a long process and I am on the brow of the hill so to speak but I have been listened to and believed by the police and safeguards are commencing. It’s taken decades for me to get this far.The main killer of my escape from him was isolation and lack of confidence. I wouldn’t recommend that long time to anyone as it extended the immense suffering. Now with the more wide ranging laws and increased training and education fore police and the people, I hope everyone can get to the law and not put up with abuse for as long as I did. I had forgotten the many times I ran from the house, fleeing, intent on going to the station but never quite getting there.Flashbacks came back in volumes.

[KIP.]

Hey Cecile, I too feared the police for years. Nobody would believe me he would say. Or it’s my word against yours. All the abuse I’d minimised the police took extremely seriously. Predictable assault and arrest followed and the police were great. A conviction gave me a sort of closure. He’s now on their radar and by making that statement he’s now on their radar. Have you used Claire’s Law to see if he has any kind of previous dealings with them? I believe you still have to be in a relationship to use Claire’s Law but the fact you’re still living together may well count. Why should you walk away and he gets away with years of abuse. How dare he. What hurts is that he knew exactly what he was doing. The Karma Bus is coming for him. There is never ever an excuse for domestic abuse x

[Cecile]

Waking up this morning was immensely wonderful in a way I haven’t felt for a long time. I slowly remembered last night and the wonderful officer and my body relaxed, instead of instantly going tense and trying to figure out his whereabouts in the house so I could safely get to the kitchen. Then I thought… I will never ever have to be afraid of him or put up with that ever again….I feel like I have never felt before. Kip the Karma bus is parked outside my house waiting for his return….I live in a small town with a mighty big radar. I am planning to speak to his ex but part of me knows what the answer will be. To any one else out there who is despairing, don’t wait for help if you can’t seem to get it. Be your own best friend, take advice from the immensely wonderful ladies on this forum, especially Kip, and step by step get yourself free. It can be done.

[Newst@rt]

The ‘Karma Bus’ made me laugh out load this morning! Cecile, this is all so positive and so good to hear x

[Headspinning]

It’s definitely worth asking for disclosure under Clares law.
I did just to rule out anything I didn’t know about but I got a shock.
And once the police disclose….they then have autonomy to keep disclosing to any future partners, whether the seek to know or not, it basically means if they become aware he has a new partner they will contact her to tip her off. That makes me feel better. I have personally not involved the police as it was all verbal with done intimidation via shouting/ swearing/ blocking doors / the odd shove – but no actual punch or black eye that is like real evidence and is black and white.
I felt in some way guilty that by never reporting he will get away with it again – but by getting disclosure I hope I have possibly helped the next one go I with her eyes open.

[Cecile]

Head spinning my abuser had not been directly physically violent to me since (detail removed by moderator). I kicked him out then brought him back. What I reported was financial, emotional and other forms of control, extreme cruelty. He used to work in a senior position with vulnerable people and so was very calculated in what he was doing. The police took it very seriously. I had kept a diary which helped. The police immediately understood the tactics he used like blocking my movements by pretending to reach past me continually, constantly hurting my pet when I was out of the room, breaking my belongings, loads and loads. Intimidation on a daily relentless basis. I never reported it before as I thought they would not believe me but they did. The officer told me they deal with men like this all the time, and showed immense understanding.

[KIP.]

Whey you’re ready head spinning I’d recommend you give a full statement to the police. Your statement can be used to corroborate other victims. It can also help with non molestation orders etc.

[Cecile]

The more of us who make complaints and statements to the police about this form of coercive control the better.. it’s disgusting that it’s so hard to prosecute for this even though it’s a crime.

[Anonymous]

I did a Clare’s Law request and, although he had no previous, the lovely lady who rang me to update me told me “that doesn’t mean people didn’t want to report”. Really hit home how difficult a situation to be in this is.

[Author]

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