Never the end

[Nixie]

Hello,
During my marriage I had problems with my mental health. They disappeared after he left- I have never ever regretted or missed him for a second. It took (detail removed by Moderator) years to get a divorce – the reasons being mainly financial.I plunged into debt from which I’ve only just recovered (detail removed by Moderator) – I have a responsible job but it doesn’t pay well. I was not allowed to have friends and emotionally battered so that I didn’t have much confidence during the marriage. There have been episodes post divorce in which he has terrorised me using financial advantage to send threatening letters from solicitors . I negotiated it all and survived. Then the sale of the house fell through for the (detail removed by Moderator) time during Covid And I lost a property I was buying . A new buyer was found with an urgent time frame because of their mortgage. I have really Struggled to find a new property. Estate agents have only just begun to function again. My adult son received a threatening phone call from him threatening legal action And yet another solicitors letter if I don’t move into a rental whilst the house is sold. I have had enough. I am appalled my son was used as a conduit. Also the man who told me he “owned” me and that I would die without him has reared his ugly head again.I sustained years of physical and mental abuse – it terrifies me to have contact with him on any way shape or form. It has such a powerful impact. knocking me off kilter . I feel like I’m at the end of my tether – I keep finding I can’t breathe. I feel like bolting. I can’t face the stress, the expense the anxiety of dealing with him anymore .Yes I’m having a terrible day , I don’t want tomorrow to come

[Scapegoat]

Hi Nixie, wow you’ve really been dragged over the coals but I can see you are a super strong person for dealing with all of this.
Why would you need to move into a rental whilst the house is sold? It doesn’t make sense?
Have you got any friends you can have a cuppa with or talk this through so you don’t feel so anxious and alone? I hope things get better for you, stay strong and be massively proud of what you have endured and survived on your own.
Take care💕

[Nixie]

Thank you yes I have friends to talk to but I just can’t tell them how terrible I feel inside this time. I know I will survive because I have to but I’m struggling. Thank you again for your kind words.

[Wants To Help]

Hi there,

I get your panic, I get you completely, I have been in that horrible situation myself where you really don’t know which way is up, down, left or right.

So lets get a grip on this and see what we can do. Sit down, deep breaths, and re-focus.

You have been through so much before, you have overcome so much, this is another, horrible hurdle to overcome, but overcome it you will. Tomorrow is going to come, and hopefully you are going to come with it, the other option is not one we want to consider.

So, as I understand this, your house is to be bought by an urgent buyer, and for the sale to go through, you really need to move out, you’ve tried to rent somewhere but can’t find somewhere, and now you have a legal letter requesting you to move out, and your son has had a threatening phone call?

I take it the house you are in, the one to be sold, is jointly owned by you and your ex and is part of the final settlement and financial severance from him? So it really suits him to have it vacant so the sale can go ahead, and presumably, if the sale goes ahead it would benefit you too? Am I right?

I really can’t see how a solicitors letter demanding you move out so the sale can go ahead is enforceable at all. House sales fall through all of the time for various reasons, and if you can’t find anywhere to go then you cannot be made or forced to leave for that reason. This is a bullying tactic, and legally assisted abuse (unfortunately, not recognised in law yet.)

How has your adult son coped with this? I know it’s not nice when our children are got at, whatever their age, but if your son has coped with this by shrugging it off, not feeling threatened or intimidated, then try not to take those feelings on board on his behalf. Your son has the right to report your ex to the Police for harassment if he is feeling harassed/threatened. We can’t fight our adult children’s battles for them, no matter how much we hurt or want to. So, hard as it is, try and put that issue aside as one that is out of your control and in the control of your son how to handle him.

He has told you that you will die without him? But (detail removed by Moderator) years down the line you have proved him wrong and you are still here, having battled for a long time and rebuilt your life, recovered from debt, (detail removed by Moderator). You are not mentally ill, your MH problems were all abuse related, and since you left him you have been okay on your own. You are a fighter and a survivor. You have correctly identified this latest incident has thrown you ‘off kilter’ and your immediate, natural reaction has been to panic and get thrown back in to the past with all of those old feelings ignited and feeling in turmoil again.

The solicitors letter is an empty threat. You cannot be thrown on to the street, you cannot be made homeless. Can you negotiate with the new buyer for a bit more time? Can you reach an agreement with the new buyer that you come as a sitting tenant for a short period of time and will pay rent on the house to them until you find somewhere suitable to move to? If the buyer is likely to pull out, can you ask for just two weeks more grace and look again on websites for a rental property to see if something new comes up? If you really don’t want to lose the house sale either, can you put your items in to storage and go to a Premier Inn or another cheap hotel chain for a few weeks until you find something?

If all of these are not an option for you, then you stay put until you find somewhere to go. Your ex will just have to accept the fact that the house sale has fallen through again.

[Nixie]

Thank you for your kind and supportive reply. My ex is the sole owner of the property but (detail removed by Moderator). I am trying to buy a property. I do not want to move into a rental , apart from myself I have another son who is autistic . I do not want him to suffer the move will be traumatic as it is and I rentals are utterly exorbitant. I honestly think I will crack up if this happens .(detail removed by Moderator)

[Nixie]

Also I have (detail removed by Moderator).

[Author]

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