Never thought i'd sort of miss him

[abcxyz]

I used to read posts on here about missing your abuser and think “that would never be me – ever” .. but it’s weird. I don’t miss him as such, and certainly don’t regret leaving, but now the kids and I have been gone for a few days I feel a bit sorry for him, that he doesn’t know what they’ve been up to and sort of miss something – tho can’t put my finger on what exactly. I’m certainly not sitting around pining for what might have been … and haven’t been bored for one minute (despite having one less dependent!). Funny feeling.

Does it fade? perhaps it will when he makes contact, via solicitor etc, and then things get moving.

Pleased that we made the break – but feel a fondness for the (good bits of the)past, and keep reminding myself of all the awful things he said and did, as a reality check for my rose tinted glasses!! 🙂

[Healthyarchive]

I think this is normal ABC. Only tonight I was feeling nostalgic and sad, thinking about my ex and what we had. Thinking about it all, him and some of our good times, wondering how he is and whether i ever meant anything to him at all. I saw a quotation online about pain being good, positive and helpful. To feel emotional pain like this is good for us. In the past I may have acted on my nostalga tonight, by contacting and trying to interact, but i believe that i’m over that now. If you look on this forum with the words ‘I miss him’ etc, there are alot of posts on here about it. As the time goes on you will see that your thoughts and feelings become more manageable and clear, rather than foggy and confused. Its still early days for you. X*X

[abcxyz]

thank you … good to know that it’s all part of the “journey”. Never had so many emotions in the space of a few weeks! xx

[Confused123]

HI HUn

THis is so normal where we feel sorry for them as they dont have their kids in there life, i went through this for ages, actually it took me two yearss to get over on and off, dont feel sorry for them as they dont change, they think its a reason to start abusing us againe ven if jyst verbally its not right, we get triggered off and it upsets us. I think its not them we miss, what it is our body and mind geets so used to abuse that when we not been abused we ddont know what it is we are missing, we think its them but our mind and body is processing what has changed. protect yoursxelf and your kids

[godschild]

Hi, I think this is normal, we are normal people and we have had good times with them and so we feel the things anyone would,its them that are not living in a normal way, I feel some days I wish we were closer but resist it all as he always changes, they are normal feelings when you have spent some of your life with them and had their children, as you have left in time I expect they will peter out xx

[KIP.]

As human beings we crave what is ‘normal’. Even if that normal was violent and dysfunctional. That’s what you miss. That will dissapear as you invent your new normal. Pity him and feel sorry for him but know he would never feel sorry for you and he will crush you given half the chance, and his kids. Just wait till he shows you his true colours and see how much pity you have for him. Mine has been relentless with his abuse. Having me detained by the police on false allegations, dragging me through the courts by denying he assaulted me. Even with a criminal record and restraining order, he’s still trying to get at me using the courts. And I felt sorry for him in the beginning. Give it a few months or a year or two and see if you feel the same way. I guarantee you won’t X

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