Never thought it would happen to me

[Fentygirl]

Hi, First time I’m writing here…. So I’ve been married for (detail removed by Moderator) years.
In the beginning, my husband was an alcoholic, he stopped drinking due to liver failure. His behaviour was worse earlier on in the marriage but he is still possessive, jealous and controlling. For some reason in (detail removed by Moderator) I suddenly realised I’ve had enough. I contacted Women’s Aid (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago, and they told me I was victim of domestic abuse, which never even occurred to me. There are so many things that have happened, I can’t even list them all, but I’ve written some of the main ones:
– (detail removed by Moderator) credit cards arrived in my name. He took them, didn’t tell me they’d arrived and started using them
– He needs constant reassurance that I won’t leave him
– Jealousy – I got shouted at by him because a dad I knew (detail removed by Moderator) came and sat next to me at a (detail removed by Moderator) meeting
Accused me of fancying his sister’s husband… completely untrue
– Forced me to wear specific jewellery to functions
– Forced to wear specific clothes to certain events
– Told me I’m fat
– When our children were born , each time he asked me if the child was his, after the birth
– Told me, if I did not sleep with him then did I want him to go and visit prostitutes instead
– I gave him (detail removed by Moderator) to pay off bills, instead he went shopping
– Always shouted at me throughout marriage
Told off like a child and told not to argue back, in early years of marriage
Non stop neediness, I must say love you back all the time, otherwise he get’s annoyed
– He has always told me that I will lose the children if we ever split up
– Tantrums when I don’t agree to do something he wants
– Continuously told that I’m too distant from him almost on a weekly basis
– Any programme/ film we are watching, if there is a plot that the woman is having an affair, I’m always asked that I’ll never do that to him?

I hope in the future to leave him. Just don’t know when it will be.

[Lisa]

Hi Fentygirl,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the forum. I hope it helped to post about what you are going through because of your husband’s abusive behaviour. Do you have ongoing support to help you make a plan to leave? There isn’t any pressure to leave and it is important you take things at your pace but having the support to lean on can really help.

Keep posting to us when you can, there will always be support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Teaandcats]

Fentygirl, reading the list of your husband’s behaviour sounds so familiar – like reading a description of how some things have been for me. I’m also new but the ladies here have already offered so much help and guidance.

[nbumblebee]

Hey sweetie you are not alone alot of what you have said many many of us can relate too.
I never thought it would be me either i still cant believe it. Im still here too.
Well done to you for calling womans aid and well done on sharing on here. Read through posts on here learn as much as you can about abuse and the cycle, arm yourself the more you know the stronger you become. Xxxx

[Doodlesbunny]

Hi there Fentygirl,

Wow, your post reads as if I’m with the same person! I completely get it and feel for you. I am now separated from him and can’t believe the relief I feel in having my own space and freedom, even if I do feel lonely. It’s very hard though but I read a great quote recently, “I’d rather adjust to your absence than be frustrated by your presence” and that really hit home.

I expect like a lot of us you are having a lot of ups and downs emotionally and sometimes the anxiety can really kick in, trust what your gut is telling you and stay strong with those feelings. I find Dr Les Carter on YouTube to be a great help and its really useful to get as much knowledge as you can about this behaviour and to give you validation that you’re not imaging it all and you’re not alone.

Stay strong,

Best wishes

[Gerbil]

Hi Fentygirl
How strong of you to call Women’s Aid and to post on here.
Like so many people on here, I can truly understand your post and so many of the points you have written could have been written by me!
I agree with the other comments on here, please keep on reading about abuse and keep on posting.
You deserve more than this.
Take care x

[Shocknawe]

Well done for reaching out! As you can see from some of the posts, your husband is the same as many abusers – they follow a textbook pattern. I never thought it would happen to me either but there you go – over 50 and loving life after being in hell.
Every journey is different but what helped me was to read, read and read to be informed. Good luck!

[Author]

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