Never thought of it as abuse before

[Gobsmacked1]

Just wow, some of the things he comes out with, I’m this, I’m that, and it’s always after a beer or 2 or 12 cans, in one day. Most of it goes over my head, cause I’ve heard it so many times, like a record. At the moment it’s because I don’t want sex….with him…or at all really. Do I really have to give a reason why I don’t want it?? My head says no, if you don’t want something, then you just don’t.
Isn’t…no is no??
Thanks for letting me rant

[AlwaysSorry]

Listen to your head, no is no and you always have the right to say no, you have the right to not want it, you have the right to not be in the mood. And you certainly don’t need to come up with reasons for why you aren’t in the mood.
I think sometimes these men use alcohol to lower their inhibitions and allow themselves to become more and more abusive. Mine was abusive no matter what, but alcohol certainly didn’t help matters.
You do not deserve to be called names, no matter if he blames it on the cans of beer, lack of sex or not. There is no excuse for abuse.
I don’t if you already are, but perhaps start writing down what he calls you and how it makes you feel. It helps and keep posting on here as well, it’s a safe space to let it out x

[Lisa]

Hi Gobsmacked1

I just wanted to show you some support. It’s good to see that you have already had a really supportive reply from AlwaysSorry.

You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You are completely right in what you are saying, you don’t have to give reasons why you don’t want to, and it is not ok for him to keep on at you, your feelings are clear and he should respect your decision.

Please call the helpline if you need some support.

Take care

Lisa

[Gobsmacked1]

Thank you both, it’s the first time I’ve been on here, there’s only so much my head can take, and yes it’s always the beers fault, but the next day it isn’t his fault, and he doesn’t drink much, and he doesn’t say these things. I used to be fun, happy, having a laugh with friends, seeing friends and family. Now I feel, alone, caged in, paranoid, like I’m being watched or followed, and weepy. This isn’t me, where did I go?

[Faraway]

Hi gobsmacked1,
My ex used to always try and make me have sex with him. We separated at the start of the year but we had not had sex in 4 years. I was scared to have sex because he was always drunk and I knew he certainly didn’t love for care for me because of all of the abuse. He told me I was not a good wife because I refused sex but it must be consensual. Two people must want it. It would have been absolutely soul destroying for me to just give my body to him when the thought of it repulsed me. You are unhappy and that is why you don’t feel like yourself. I would read as much as I can about abuse to make sense of it. Then you can think about if this is the life that you want for yourself. It’s a process but you are recognising that something is seriously not right so that’s a start!

[Author]

Posts