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[Nixie]

I am new here. I have been apart from my abuser for many years. During the long relationship I experienced early physical abuse and protracted emotional abuse throughout.My ex seemed to make it his mission in life to convince me and anyone who looked on that I was mentally ill.I was isolated from friends and family, always anxious and depressed- I believed I was mentally ill. Towards the end I felt utterly broken and suicidal. I think he knew there was nothing left to take from me and left. After he left though I did experience high levels of stress because he continued to hound me – I discovered I was actually an emotionally robust person. I have been much happier and stronger. Unfortunately he refused to divorce me and despite moving on to a new partner in his new life left me in limbo. Finally I managed to get a divorce going after refiling but he has used dirty tactics and legal clout to get back into the house one last time on the pretext of taking his belongings I suffered a huge trauma reaction as a result of just seeing him and , a massive shaking of confidence and I feel utterly violated. That is why I have joined this forum – I do not want to lose the confidence and strength that I had gained.

[Chickadee]

Hi Nixie.

I totally get where your coming from. Abusers disguard you when they have nothing left to destroy or have gotten everything they want for themselves from you. It is all control and power. It is all about them.

An abuser wants you and everyone else to think that you are crazy. That way they are not looked at. All the spotlight is on you, they get away with everything. Unfortunately, with struggling with the twists and lies and emotional distress inflicted to persons not properly trained in abuse the victim/survivor would look like the one with something wrong with them. This is re-victimization done by the people that are supposed to be helping us but are the wrong one’s too, and sometimes also friends or family that turn a blind eye.

Getting away from them helps. I am glad you started feeling so much better and realizing that you are strong, happy, and well balanced.
You will be triggered. It is important to get stronger. Standing up to them works wonders for getting permeantly rid of it. And with filing the abuser will use triggering you as a tactic to were you down so you do not function in the courtroom. Keep this in mind. And do not let him. Go zero contact. And get legal representaion to take burden off you. Re-strengthen yourself from him getting his stuff. He’s gone. Enjoy life. Do things for you that strengthen you. Don’t think about it. Keep busy. Move forward.

And your in the right place. There are an incredible bunch of strong women on here.

We are here when you need to talk. Welcome 😊

Chickadee

[Iwon]

Hi hun so sorry you are dealing this. I agree with other ladies comments. He wants to trigger you so you are scared and he can in his eyes win. I would get a solicitor recommended from wa .wa. my ex hounded me for years and dragged out divorce. If I had a solicitor who understood the abusers tactics it would have been so much easier.

That said my solicitor was so bad that I defended myself(Detail removed by moderator). Got stronger. I cut contact with him. I won (Detail removed by moderator) every time because I got stronger. I calmed down and the man I was terrified was actually like all bullies. Weak and stupid. Also the courts know these people. They have seen it all before.

He always used to call me stupid and say he was so clever. Even with a rubbish solicitor against him (Detail removed by moderator) I destroyed him and won. Abusers even lie to there own solicitors. Be my ex still goes around telling everyone I am mentally ill. I am actually like you. We are much stronger and resilience than them because we survived them and are still here. Be proud. You survived x

[Nixie]

Hi thanks so much. I have a divorce solicitor and in all fairness to them they have been fantastic. There was nothing they could do legally to stop him coming to the house however. I had a police presence- I felt very disappointed with the police. Because he did nothing technically threatening on this occasion- it was all psychological they Did not act as if there was a history of abuse – I’m not sure they even believed meI have felt traumatised since. My ex has manipulated the police and solicitors before – it all has the effect of my questioning myself and feeling very alone. I did however speak to WA afterwards and they were brilliant. I am recovering – but by bit- but I’m angry at the way it was handled – police , who years ago were very good when he came to the house need a lot more training re emotional abuse. Thank you both for your kind words. I am not going to be broken – I will pick myself up

[freedomtochoose]

Hello Nixie,
Just wanted to say appreciate everyone’s posts this morning.

Especially Chickadee. Feel C. that you have something very important to say about
the impact of people who are not properly trained on people like us who are dealing with
these issues.

Not having such a brilliant morning myself as I am struggling with something.
Could someone please explain how to start a new thread? Sorry to raise this, but
sometimes my brain doesn’t work as I would want it to and I can’t find it anywhere.
Thanks
ftc
x

[Lisa]

Hi freedomtochoose,

Under Forum Guidelines, the FAQ section explains how to post a new topic.

Nixie, Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive and helpful place to be.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Chickadee]

Thank you, Freedomtochoose.

And the brain slipping in function or memory is due to the lies and twisted garbage and the control from the abuser. We “get it” and are here to help you, no need to apologize for it. It is not your fault, it’s your abusers.

Will look for your new thread. You can do it!
Hugs!

Chickadee

[Author]

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