1st May 2020 at 10:51 pm #102260
hi i need some advise cos in driving myself mad .ive been with my partner since (detail removed by moderator) we got 2 kids and ive stuck by him through a lot through the years hes imtimidated me wen we argue get inmy face pulked by my hair slap here and there couple times hes stangled me butlast year ifound out he cheated again (although denied) so he was on me pushin my head couple little digs . My kids where there .he says its my thought.i stay thinkun its not that bad as hes never left real marks black eye a lot of women get it worse but im walkin on egg shells also my oldest told me he dont like hes dad where as my youngest in love
1st May 2020 at 10:54 pm #102261
I feel so bad i dont no what to do how to leave hes so scary sometumes ..hes broke my phone before hes the boss thats it really oh very controllin i camt dress how i want to.im so unhappy but i cant calk the police .cos im to nice but if i say its over he will get so nasty
2nd May 2020 at 7:33 am #102274HunkyDoryParticipant
Khloe this is a very dangerous time for you and his violence can escalate, please get some help quickly. Don’t let him know you want out because that can cause it to escalate dangerously. If you can’t get to a police station (say you’re going shopping or pharmacy?) police are usually very responsive on Facebook messenger, or you can use the silent option by pressing 55. You can contact women’s aid also on chat if you can’t talk at home.
You need to leave for you and your children’s safety. They are being abused too witnessing this.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Please be careful.
Live HD xx
2nd May 2020 at 10:42 am #102284LisaMain Moderator
I wanted to offer you some support here. From what you have described in your post, your partners behaviour is very concerning and abusive. You do not deserve to be going through this.
Abusers often use threats, blackmail and ultimatums to keep us in the relationship, and over time the abuse gradually and subtly escalates, creating an incredibly unsafe environment, particularly for children.
If you would like to speak to a support worker about things, you could use our live chat service Monday-Friday 10am-2pm. You may also want to contact your local specialist domestic abuse service for some support. You can find your nearest service here.
You may want to consider refuge accommodation, which is emergency, safe accommodation for women and their children who need to leave abusive situations. The police, domestic abuse services, and your local housing department can all help you to access refuge accommodation.
Please keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.
4th January 2021 at 11:05 pm #119112
Hi itsbeen so long but still here in the sane situation hes hasnt put hes habds in me in this time but im desperate to get out
4th January 2021 at 11:06 pm #119113
I no the police are looking dor him over a different matter but my courage along wirh evertthink else us gone someone help me
16th January 2021 at 4:46 pm #119875Soyalakemeya2Participant
Definitely look for refuges and leave asap better safe than sorry
16th January 2021 at 7:49 pm #119885Newyear2021Participant
Hi I’ve been suffering with verbal abuse and some violence for (detail removed by Moderator) years now I can’t stand it anymore being called horrible names all the time threatening to hurt me or actually do it I nneed to get away from here desperately
19th January 2021 at 10:31 pm #120057bluePetalParticipant
Hi all, I’m new, I’ve been in an abusive marriage for the past (detail removed by moderator)., I didn’t know it abuse I was suffering up until it starting affecting my work life. But the penny still didn’t drop, I still couldn’t see it. it was during lockdown when it came to a head-on, my ex started emotionally abusing my (detail removed by moderator) to the point where she started having severe anxiety attacks, I could bare to her in soo much pain. My son had told me he would kick me out of the house, kids questioned me that I was having an affair. My ex would belittle me, push me around the kitchen,so much happened that I started blocking it all out for the sake of my kids. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone – Please leave you are making it harder for your children, it has traumatized my children who are between (detail removed by moderator).
.He would use our kids to emotionally abuse me, I just kept quiet and took the c**p. I felt like it wasn’t me this person, sometimes I blamed myself. it’s hard to explain it’s like living in a trance (you’re there but not there). In (detail removed by moderator) took the courage and went to the police station and reported him, he was arrested the same evening. It all kicked off with my kids they blamed me, even though they knew what their dad was like.
He was on bail till (detail removed by moderator) when CPS dropped the case due to lack of evidence. I was surprised he had financially abused me and I didn’t know (detail removed by moderator). I have given bank statements of the joint account showing (detail removed by moderator). I have started divorce proceedings he wants half the house, even though he has never contributed towards it. my solicitor has said to me I should offer him a (detail removed by moderator) payout and keep the house, but what about the financial abuse I have suffered does that not count for anything. I am so confused i want to keep the family home for children the bank has said i can take ownership of the mortgage as i am working and can manage the mortgage payments. I am just so confused. Sorry, I just feel like my brain has 100 tabs open and I’m drowning in the fact that I don’t know what to do.
20th January 2021 at 4:25 am #120061IwantmebackParticipant
Hi bluePetal, welcome to the forum. A fair bit of your story will be deleted as it could be seen as identifying, don’t worry you’ll get used to writing your story without going into detail.
Your story is similar to mine apart from taking money out our account.
I’ve not started divorce proceedings as such yet, got some advice a few months after seeing my local wa. I could quite possibly lose any equity im due as he’s recently done something that has had serious consequences. So waiting for police to be involved but already getting myself into a state so much that I can’t sleep, that I’ll be giving evidence against him. I’m trying to work out if it’s worth walking away with nothing just to get him out of my life, or try and sort it out and help to get it sold.
You’re so right re the abuse of our children, mine are now adults, in the same age gap as yours, but their lives are so messed up. I know I can’t help them, truth is I’m scared of my son when he’s drunk or taken drugs. My daughter and son have birth gone on to be in abusive relationships, both nearly being killed if they’d stayed.
I journaled a lot. Wrote lists of who I had to contact, anything to get as you said, the 100 tabs opened in your head closed.
Its about taking one baby step after baby step. Have you also noticed how exhausted you get as you try to distance yourself, how it takes days or weeks to make a phone call that had to be done but just haven’t found the courage to make it. You will, just have something around that makes you feel good afterwards. It really drains you.
Have you read any books yet? Knowing why they do this helps in the beginning then you get to a stage where you need to let that go and work on healing yourself. Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft is our go to on here as is, the emotionally abusive relationship by Patricia Evans.
I’ve also found that my pain levels have reduced, only increase when triggered or have too much contact.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞
20th January 2021 at 6:25 am #120070bluePetalParticipant
Hi, yes agree with what you are saying, it’s like the simple of things taking meter readings, ringing to get boiler cover. Even joining this forum it seems like a massive job until it was done. It definitely is draining. On some days I question myself did is all happen, how can an educated person not know what is normal behavior. When I watch my kids I blame myself. I should have just walk out ages ago 🙁
I will order a copy of the book you have recommended.
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