10th August 2019 at 9:48 pm #85469just breathingParticipant
Thank you for letting me on here. It sounds very strange but with a husband (and father of my children) constantly telling me and them I am crazy, mad and too sensitive to shouting, criticism or sarcasm – I sometimes do feel like I am in a parallel universe. #
I would hope to bring peace and safety to all who visit this blessing. But it makes me feel I am not the things he says and I can hope to be who I am one day.
He has spent years asking the children where I have been and what I have eaten, criticizing everything I do and setting me up by saying do what you want, you choose – only to be criticized. He looks round for things that are wrong , even if he doesnt need to be there.
Ive stayed for the children but with each day and his mind games ever increasing – I am just not sure I can do it for much longer.
Thank you for taking the time read and prayers go out to all those who need them.
11th August 2019 at 2:51 am #85487EbonyRavenParticipant
Welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been living with that and glad you have realised. Now is time to plan your escape.
11th August 2019 at 7:39 am #85489KIP.Participant
Please contact your local women’s aid. Ring the helpline number on here. The children learn from his behaviour and witnessing abuse will damage their mental health for years to come, women’s aid can help you plan a safe exit without children. Offer you advice on housing and refuge if necessary. Don’t talk to him about leaving as that’s when they are most dangerous. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Google Gaslighting and coercive control. You deserve a happy safe life with your children. Abuse always gets worse. Don’t stay for the children, get rid of him for the children. There’s lots of help out there for you. Tell your GP what’s going on too. Get it recorded, it will help you in the future x
11th August 2019 at 10:47 am #85498LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be. It doesn’t sound strange. Experiencing emotional and psychological abuse can sometimes make you feel like you are going mad, this is what your husband wants. If you believe everything he says he will have more control over you. Being criticised constantly chips away at your self-esteem and confidence. You have mentioned staying for the children but as KIP mentioned, children can learn from abusive behaviour.
You could call the National Domestic Violence Helpline to talk this through. The number is 0808 2000 247. Calls are answered by trained female support workers.
You could also contact your local domestic abuse service for ongoing support. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Take care and keep posting
11th August 2019 at 12:19 pm #85502just breathingParticipant
Thank you so much x it is a lifeline as this weekend the last (detail removed by moderator) had caught up and taken my last ounce of strength
11th August 2019 at 1:02 pm #85505[email protected]Participant
You really need women’s aid backing with this and the kids need support from them too. They won’t realise that what he’s doing to them also is very wrong. This is a tough one and a situation I was in too with my first child he would get her to call me derogatory names. Horrible. She has become very confused and has zero time for me I’m weak in here eyes. Her father undermined our relationship don’t let this happen xx the only way forward is to leave him take the kids xx it will need the help off the professionals so go ea and a therapist x it’s doable
11th August 2019 at 1:02 pm #85506[email protected]Participant
11th August 2019 at 9:12 pm #85531lover of no contactParticipant
KIP is right; don’t stay for the children; get rid of him for the children.
Its hard to leave but with lots of support from Women’s Aid (give them a call) and our knowledge, experience, and strength, you will find a way out. I thought I’d never be able to leave as I was trapped emotionally, financially etc and I had a lot of children but I did leave and I have mental peace now instead of daily mental torture.
We are here for you. best thing I would advise is read the posts as often as you can and post as often as you need. Knowledge is Power.
12th August 2019 at 7:46 am #85540imsosadParticipant
hi just breathing. listen to the ladies on here there advice is so amazing. i suffered mind games controling behaviour many years my ex husband was obsessed with my weight and what i ate and what i wore. his famous trait was sorting and tidying my underwear draw. (this last relationship was the worst). you can only take so much before you snap they push and push brain wash you into thinking its you who is the problem when its them. its all part of their sick deluded game. i am really lucky i have got no kids so getting out was much easier. for your own sanity and like Kip said your children’s mental health you have to get away when they get older they will understand. i didn’t realise how bad my life has been over the years i have really really struggled getting over the abuse and the break up but what i can tell you as will everyone else on here getting away will be the best decision you will ever make you will het through this we are all here for the same reason. one thing is for sure he will NEVER change he will only continue and get stronger with his abuse. sending big hugs but please listen to these ladies. xx
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