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I honestly am in complete disbelief that I am here typing this. Given that I have helped many survivors, I never thought I would be in this position. We have been married for so many years, and it hust seems like every day he finds new ways to tortue me. To blame everything on me. His anxiety and stresa levels are my fault. His drinking is my fault. His poor health is my fault. Everyday I am told what a useless piece of sh** I am, I am fat, look like an elephant, ugly, unintelligent, my family dont actually care about me as they are only using me. Says the most horrific things. How did I end up here?
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Hey we all wonder that sweetie we do. Often we are so busy looking after others that we cannot see our own pain. I hope you know that none of what you describe is your fault that this is all on him and not you.
Read through some posts on here we all understand what you are going through. Give yourself the time love and understanding you give to others as you deserve it too. X -
Because you’re an empathetic, caring person who tries to always see the good in a person and helps others, that’s usually how most of us ended up here. How sad to think our kindness is used against us.
It also happened slowly, like Chinese water torture or a dripping tap where you don’t see it until the ceiling caves in. Abusers are master manipulators, don’t blame yourself, they know how to trick the human mind better than anyone – imagine if they used their powers for good! Remember those nasty words are him deflecting onto you, he’s the nasty one, and I know it’s hard to accept that when it’s constantly being drilled into you but you’re stronger than you’ll ever know and he hates that x*x
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Hello somewhere, I am sorry you find yourself here, it sounds like you have an understanding of Domestic Abuse on a professional level… it is so different when you realise that you are a victim yourself… I worked within this type of sector many years ago, I also fled a violent partner many years ago and had therapy… I didn’t recognise some red flags earlier on with my soon to be ex husband… I was married for over 2 decades to this man, he is the father of my children… maybe read some of the stories on here as that can help?
Keep posting ❤️ -
I know how this feels. There is a real disconnect when we support others as opposed to what is a happening with us. It’s as if the brain refuses to accept on some level about what is actually happening. We are often in denial and disbelief. It took me so long to understand that I was being abused, I had always made excuses for him. As they are incredible manipulators they illicit sympathy and act the victim but continue to abuse, playing with our emotions like sport. Please look after yourself, it is good you recognise this now, you and we, all deserve better and it is never too late for self respect.
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Gosh, I couldn’t relate more. I always consider myself as this strong, powerful woman, somewhat successful professionally, yet when it comes to this part of my life, I feel like I am failing.
I fell for him and can honestly say it was love from my side. We do have some fun memories, but they are all intertwined with some alcohol outbursts, alpha male behaviour, verbal abuse.
I think my mind always knew that something wasn’t right, but the heart has lived in denial for so
long. And still aches, but now, the mind prevails. -
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