26th August 2021 at 3:26 am #130595HaloParticipant
I’m new to this today and feel like I’m in a very controlling relationship though my partner feels different. I have no control over Money even though I work aswell and plenty more things I could mention. This is the first time I have brought up how I am feeling to anyone so apologies if I am not getting it right .
26th August 2021 at 6:32 am #130597KIP.Participant
Hello and welcome. No need to apologise. It’s definitely wrong that you don’t have control of your own money. It’s very common for abusers to do this. Take a look at Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Both are about abusive men. It was a real eye opener for me. There is also a national domestic abuse helpline which is great to talk to someone and a chat facility on this forum. It’s difficult to talk about abuse so well done. Abusers control us often through fear, obligation and guilt.
26th August 2021 at 8:58 am #130598LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum! I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be, and that you can start to open up more once you feel comfortable to.
You have done really well to reach out and post on here for the first time. It sounds like your partner is financially abusive and controlling, you don’t deserve to be treated like this.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat
service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on.
26th August 2021 at 9:33 am #130600EggshellsParticipant
I echo what KIP and Lisa have already said. I just wanted to say welcome to the forum.
There are so many really lovely ladies on the forum and they will all understand you. It’s a great place to ask questions, discuss what you are going through and find support.
Congratulations on making your first post. For many women, it can feel quite nerve wracking. Now you’ve jumped that first hurdle, it’ll be much easier.
26th August 2021 at 9:45 am #130601EyesopeningParticipant
HI Halo, welcome, for me the financial abuse side of things really helped me see the truth. Slowly you may start seeing other red flags. Keep reading posts on here and reaching out.
I’m glad my ex was financially abusive because it was more tangible then his other tactics. It was something I could talk to my family about easily, I haven’t told them about any other behaviors, they are too complicated to explain.. And getting their support is the most important thing, don’t be alone in this.
He couldn’t lie(tried to) about what’s in black and white on my statement. If he took my card or money out my wallet, I knew. If I paid all bills, food etc, I knew. Even that I had to keep a record of because he would deny that too. It’s been many years that I have worked hard at my work and not been able to enjoy any of the benefits because of him.
I took back that right now, by leaving.
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