22nd November 2020 at 7:20 pm #116687
new to this and hoping to find strength from others, as I’m ready to leave after (detail removed by Moderator) years but unsure exactly how to…
23rd November 2020 at 8:29 am #116694KIP.Participant
Hello and welcome. I’d definitely start with my local women’s aid. Don’t tell him your plans and behind the scenes get all your ducks in a row. Talk to a solicitor. Most offer free initial advice. Slowly move important documents and clothes to a safe place. A friend or family member. Start hiding money and building a support network away from him x
26th November 2020 at 8:40 pm #116854
Thankyou… he’s not been abusive for a while since police were involved… so feel almost like I don’t have a reason to go… but I know I do. Don’t know how to tell him etc
27th November 2020 at 11:39 am #116899HawthornParticipant
You dont have to tell him anything. Get your ducks in a row and leave/have him removed when it’s the right time for you.
I really struggled with not having a proper “break up chat” when I left my abusive husband. I told him I just needed to get away for afew days for some space. I left all my belongings and never went back. It was the best thing I ever did (though I do wish I’d had time to plan a bit better!)
Leaving an abusive relationship is not like leaving a normal one. Telling him is likely very dangerous and you dont owe him anything. He ended your relationship when he chose to abuse you. It’s not a relationship but a sentence.
Your silence is your power. Take it back. Tell him nothing xxxx
27th November 2020 at 10:52 pm #116930HettyParticipant
I agree with everything that has been said. Speak to your local women’s aid and start to consider your options. Get your stuff in order – I took important stuff out of the house and left them with a relative, I took copies and photos of important documents, I spent a very long time exploring all my options never knowing when the right time would come. I grieved for the relationship and what I knew I’d be leaving behind in terms of material possessions. It wasn’t an easy time, to be honest, but it was part of the process. I have a child do I also had all of their needs to consider too ( thankfully my child is not my husband’s so no contact issues). Because I had done all of these things over a long period when I had an opportunity to leave I felt able to take the leap of faith. I haven’t shed a single tear. I cried almost daily when living with my husband. If you speak with your local domestic abuse service they can help you get clear in your mind what your options are and most importantly, you can get validation. The first time I went I completely broke down. It’s not an easy road but to be honest enduring abuse prepares you for anything. You’ll find a way, it just takes time. Don’t give up x
30th November 2020 at 2:59 pm #117120
Thankyou for your kind messages. So I left on (detail removed by Moderator)… I am safe and I haven’t spoke to him only via email. I’ve had to leave my children behind but they are safe.
I feel so sick constantly and his messages begging for my return are heart breaking. Any advice for staying strong.. xx
1st December 2020 at 8:46 am #117141LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for updating us on your situation and for letting us know that you are safe.
I am sorry to hear that you had to leave your children behind. It took a lot of courage and strength to leave, try and get as much support in place that you can. You could speak to your local domestic abuse service if you haven’t already and you GP too.
Take care and please keep posting on the forum to let us know how you are,
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