New and needed to just talk

[Wishingmylifeaway]

We’ve been together (detail removed by moderator) years – married (detail removed by moderator), he’s always been volatile, occasionally violent but will never admit it….says he treats me like a queen….but everything is on his terms and I suppose I just grew with it for an easy life but haven’t been happy for years and don’t even know why I married him….the mental abuse and words are the worse, I had an affair (detail removed by moderator), my release I suppose, he found out and last Christmas was torture- looking back I should have left then but you keep thinking that things will get better…I have 2 boys and no money as it’s all tied up in our business and no where to go, family have eventually got fed up of me threatening to leave him, they don’t invite me anywhere anymore as I don’t go as he won’t go so I either go alone or just don’t bother any more as it’s not worth the hassle or when I get back.
It’s the words the things he calls me just my existence of being here and “I should have gone” “someone like me” “piece of s**t”and much worse – it’s awful , I started self harming (detail removed by moderator) (I bite my arms ) my way of being in control I suppose , then in (detail removed by moderator) I tried to take my own life as I couldn’t see any other way out, he hasn’t changed in any way and is still the same with me, Christmas has been particularly bad…started checking my phone again and saying someone like me will never change….pushing me around , kicked me Christmas Eve- but it was an accident and I tripped…apparently, I spent most of Christmas crying and wishing I wasn’t here any more and self harming again – I have no where to turn or no one to talk to

[freedomtochoose]

I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this. Really. I have terrible flu at present and struggling to write something coherent, but I did’t want to read and run. Keep posting here, we all had to start somewhere.
Remember the Samaritans free helpline 116 123
keep posting
ftc
x

[LozzyX]

So sorry to hear you are being treated so badly. I .fairly early on in my journey of preparing to leave (both emotionally and practically)… I’ve found strength from eventually breaking my silence and confiding in a few close friends, coming here to this forum and phoning the helpline.
Take it one baby step at a time and be kind to yourself xx

[KIP.]

Please call the helpline number on here to talk to wonderfully supportive ladies who understand what you’re going through and can offer support. Abusers are liars and manipulators. They mess with our heads and destroy our mental health. It’s great you have found this forum. We understand and many of us have been through what you’re going through. Have left and have fulfilled happy lives. You can do that too with lots of support. You deserve better x

[Halfwayout]

Hi WMLA, like you, a family member that I confided in gave up on me when I wouldn’t follow through on leaving him, that was many, many, many moons ago. Now that I’m halfway through the process of leaving she and several other friends are there supporting me and my kids, the gratitude is overwhelming at times.
Christmas Eve incident sounds as if he didn’t get his own way and took it out on you.
The ladies on here are solid gold, LozzyX is right breaking the silence with close friends does give strength. 
 P. S. Glad to see you back KIP.

[KIP.]

Thanx halfwayout. Guess I’m still on that rollercoaster 🎢 ride to recovery. Onwards and upwards x

[Wishingmylifeaway]

Thankyou for all your kind words and support, I feel so Alone at times , living on a knife edge, like tonight just praying he will be sleep before I go to bed -can’t stand the confrontation any more x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi WMLA, welcome to the forum. Bring on here has been a lifesaver fir so many of us, seeing it written down, how every abuser is the same in so many ways is extremely eyeopening. Keep reading and keep posting, learn how to confront but indirectly. Knowledge is power as they say.
Have you contacted WA yet, they are very supportive and they only progress at your pace. They have their own solicitors who specialise in DA, they can organise a safe exit plan for you, and most of all they listen and believe you.
IWMB 💕💕

[IWILLBeOkay]

Please keep talking. Never ever ‘put up and shut up’. Seek out those family members, the helpline numbers, GP support. You are a strong, brave lady and you don’t have to live a life like this – money or no money. X

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