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Finally after (Detail removed by Moderator) years of marriage (Detail removed by Moderator) years living together enough is enough
Iam scared of the future Iam scared financially Iam scared where I will be in a years time everything everyday
I struggle to focus on Christmas I struggle to eat my anxiety level is through the roof I don’t sleep even though Iam exhausted
I’ve no money to start divorce proceedings we are living in the same flat
he’s got a lock on the living room door I have a lock on my bedroom
he’s emailed me several times telling me to leave and off course this is all my doing
Everything for years has been power control bullying manipulation no physical marks only smashing of the mind and heart
If there is anyone there to give me hope that I can do this
As Iam truly scared of what he is going to do to me
I know he has no empathy or remorse and that makes this whole thing terrifying
any advice any support please -
Well done for reaching out. There is a great helpline number on here. Please start there and find your local women’s aid. You may want to go into a refuge for a while where you can be safe and get the support you need. For me, the mental abuse was far worse than the physical. I too had a lock on my bedroom door. I can’t believe I lived like that. I’m free and safe now and continue to rebuild my life. Abusers keep us in a FOG of abuse. Fear Obligation and Guilt. They are bullies. You can’t do this on your own however there is help out there for you. You’re traumatised and not thinking straight so it’s important you get the support you need. Can you take legal advice? Most solicitors offer a free half hour consultation or you can ring Rights For Women for free legal advice.
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Hello freshwaterlily, welcome and well done on reaching out, it’s so hard to make that first move. If you can’t get through on the national helpline try your local one. They are amazing, they’ll listen, they’ll not push you, everything is at your pace. They’ll help get you a place to stay, whether it’s refuge or a safe place. They have their own solicitors who specialise in domestic abuse, if your on any benefits you will get legal aid, but first things first, safety. It’s scary but there really is nothing to worry about only our fear of the unknown. Leaving is the scariest thing to do. You have so much help available, please reach out. One baby step at a time. 🧡
IWMB 💕💕 -
Thankyou for replying
I will phone the number tomorrow,the situation is pretty bad
I’ve had the police involved when he changed the locks on our flat
they were very understanding and helpful to me they see quite clearly what
he was like he was very rude to them blaming me and that they would bound to take my side going to report them
he’s always knows better and has this self importance about him
I want him to leave,it’s the unknown that scares me the most especially the cost of legal advice
how can I prove what he’s doing to me I have no black eye or bruises
just mental scars
The police were nice but they knew they couldn’t charge him with anything
as where do you start proving what he’s done for years by the time you actually workout what’s been going on your mind is scrambled
I just want to talk to others who have been there or who are there and how do we get through all this -
It’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders when you talk with someone professionally. (Removed by moderator). If you have a low paid job or are on benefits you’ll get legal aid. If you own the flat, they do what’s called claw back, you get legal aid to begin with, them once the flat is sold you pay back into the legal aid pot. Sometimes it’s cheaper to pay lawyers fees than getting legal aid, so don’t be afraid to ask. But that’s a further down the line stage. At the moment your needing someone to talk to and let you know your options. Everything is done at your pace you call the shots EVERY step of the way.
It is an offense now to mentally and emotionally abuse someone, it comes with a custodial sentence of up to 5 years, have you ever approached your doctor. It’s another piece of factual evidence. They will believe you too. Don’t worry if you feel you come across not making sense, there are key words they hear, plus your body language will tell them a lot😊
I’ve been with my oh fir decades, I’ve only recently admitted to myself what he does is abuse. Of course your brain is like mush, he’s done it to you. Crazy making is grounds fir divorce also. All you are feeling is perfectly normal, it’s how anyone would react to abuse. That was from a psychologist I spoke with recently through my doctor. there’s help out there, we can guide you to it as well as WA.
Keep posting, keep asking, keep questioning everything.IWMB 💕💕
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Thankyou
Yes my doctor is well aware of my situation as is the police but like everyone else who has or is in this situation it’s so difficult to prove
I have kept many notes of what has happened over the years especially when I was believing this could be me
We have been to endless doctors tharpists and even a psychologist who he still sees to this day if anything has improved over the years it’s been temporary when someone is this damaged nothing works
All this and the police have said it’s so difficult to get a conviction for
this type of abuse as it’s unseen
Where do any of us go with this
I now see I was just a supply for him he never loved me he’s never loved anyone so now I have a very uncertain future and have very little support
Iam so glad I’ve found this place
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