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    • #133781
      We can do this
      Participant

      Hi you lovely people
      My first post, been in my relationship for a long time and have recently had my eyes opened as to what has been happening all this time.
      I’ve been beating myself up since I found out and questioning why I didn’t leave sooner.
      I’m really lucky I have a fabulous support network and was hoping to leave today. Unfortunately what I thought would happen hasn’t and I’m still here. Anxiety is through the roof, im not eating or sleeping and it’s all getting a bit much. I’m determined I’m going to try again tomorrow provided he goes to work, but dreading what will happen if I make it and what he will do when he comes home and I’m not here.

    • #133782
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      Hi We Can Do This,

      Welcome to the forum 🙂

      You’re doing great, you have a plan (ok, it may have got delayed through no fault of your own) and you are taking back control of your life.

      Please start by turning a negative in to a positive. Instead of beating yourself up for not leaving sooner, have pride in yourself that you are now taking positive action. We can’t change the past, we can’t guarantee the future, but we can do something about the present, and you are actively doing that.

      Your anxiety is understandable. You will have had some adrenalin going around in you as you wait to take action, and now this action is delayed your adrenalin needs to find some form of release. When it is not released in the way expected our body goes through something described as a ‘chemical dump’ as it deals with it.

      My advice is not to dwell too much on the future ‘what might happen’ scenarios. How he reacts when he finds out you are gone is out of your control completely, so there is no point worrying about it. The only way to avoid any scenario of “what he might do” is to not leave him, and you want to leave, right?

      Continue with your plans and deal with the future events as they unfold. I’ve no doubt at all that if you are leaving an abuser then future events are not going to run smoothly, but what you anticipate happening may not happen and something else will happen instead. Never underestimate what lengths an abuser will go to though. Trying to reason with them is highly unlikely.

      Fingers crossed your plans will be able to go ahead tomorrow x

    • #133783
      Weemebreeze
      Participant

      Hi We Can Do This

      I just wanted to say you’re doing the right thing and wish you the very best of luck for tomorrow. Don’t give a second thought to what his reaction will be when he finds out you’re gone – I doubt he gave any thought as to how you felt when he abused you. You owe him nothing. Look ahead and imagine how much better your life will be when you leave. I left a while ago and whilst it’s been very challenging, I cannot express enough how much better I feel to be safe. I sleep well again, my hair isn’t falling out with stress, I’m not on eggshells …the list is endless.

      Stay focused on your plan, what’s best for you. Good luck. X

    • #133784
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      Hey there.
      Im certain who ever didnt give you a second thought when theyve been hurting you so dont give them any.
      You have a plan a huge well done to you for that, now time to be incredably brave and put that plan in place. One moment of incredable bravery is all it will take for you to make that mobe to freedom to safety. As your name says we can do this and you can. Good luck xxxxx

    • #133803
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Hello we can do this I was in the same situation as you and I felt the same as you . It had taken me years to escape domestic abuse it’s was not easy to do but I am so happy that I ran away from my ex partner its the best thing I’ve done . My heart was raceing and I felt so anxious and scared what I did was get a bag and put some things you would need like some clothes and your phone and charger if you have one take the important thing with you. Your partner will not know where you are because if you go thought women aid they will put you somewhere away from your partner he will never now where you are you will be safe in a homeless centre or refuge. I left my ex a while a go and so far his not found me I now it is very worrying but soon as you leave you will find your self happy .do it step by step and take a deep breath you will be okay

    • #133840
      We can do this
      Participant

      Just to update, I’m out. I had to tell him I was going though as I couldn’t cope with the deceit of him walking in and finding me gone (I know, I know I shouldn’t but I just couldn’t)
      He begged and pleaded, promised me he would change and I nearly didn’t manage to do it. As it is I feel numb inside at the moment but I’m sure the hardest times are coming. Hoping for a good night’s sleep tonight and see what tomorrow brings. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for giving me the strength to jump x*x

      • #133852
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Wow a huge well done to you.
        Wishing you all the best sweetie time now to concentrate on you. Xxxxxxx

      • #133857
        Darcy
        Participant

        Hi beautiful Angel… We can do this,
        Well done for leaving
        You have been through a lot and now is your time
        Be very kind and gentle to yourself, small steps and then check in with yourself, then a few more small steps and check in with yourself again, ask yourself what you need in that moment to stay strong and be nurtured… this is about you and your healing
        Everyday is growth and you will soon become stronger and stronger
        Its great that you have a fabulous support network, they may not be able to understand the complex emotional side of abuse as its difficult for people who haven’t lived it to, however do your research and educate yourself to help with your knowledge of what you have been through and use the forum as support when you need it to
        Don’t underestimate how much you have been through and how powerful you are to have survived it and escaped it
        The journey begins, I am so excited for you my darling
        Sending you continued love and support
        Darcy xx

      • #133859
        Auriel
        Participant

        We can do this, so glad your out hun, the reasons we stay so long are due to emotional manipulation, low self esteem, fear of what they’ll do if we leave, finances and the push pull of the horrible/nice confusing behaviour and the children among other things so please don’t beat yourself up for the time you spent there, the fact your out now shows you chose you, your self esteem and self worth, it will give encouragement to others who also want to leave, I’m really glad your out 💖💙💖

    • #133853
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi We can do this

      I just wanted to say thank you for updating us. You have done the right thing, it sounds like it must have been so hard, but you stayed strong and you left. I really hope this is the start of a better future for you.

      Hope you do manage to have a good sleep, take care

      Lisa

    • #133856
      Kitkat44
      Participant

      Oh wow this is amazing news! Well done!
      Sending love, take care
      Whoop whoop!!! Xx

    • #133862
      Weemebreeze
      Participant

      Oh well done, huge well done! I know exactly how hard that was – the strength you’ve shown is phenomenal. We’re all here for you, every step of the way along the road. Hope you get a good sleep. You should be so so proud of yourself ❤️

    • #133903
      Whyohwhy
      Participant

      Well done, but please stay strong! Sometimes the hardest thing can be not going back. If you can, just do zero contact as they can charm the birds out of the trees! You have made the biggest step so just stick to your guns and enjoy your new life.

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