New and wanting advice

[PeppaPig]

Hi all, I was looking for advice please on my husband. We have been together for nearly(detail removed by moderator) yrs and have (detail removed by moderator)
He has always been a bit OCD, we have had heated arguments and we have both threatened to leave. The latest argument started for no reason. He was doing the garden and he always says me and the girls don’t listen to him. They are a handful at times. Anyway he starts mimicking what we are all saying and repeating things. Acting really odd. Then he just storms off to the bedroom and stays there so I’m left to deal with the kids bedtime with them wondering what their Dad is angry about. (detail removed by moderator)I had been on Cloud 9 for 4 weeks as he usually works long hours and it’s been lovely to have him home so this all came out of the blue. Anyway I do everything cooking, cleaning, tidying, washing, washing up, his Mom used to come around before Corona to help look after the girls while I was at work and clean and tidy a bit. Anyway he carried on mimicking, I was really scared as didn’t know what he would say or do next. Fast forward and a few days later he decided to apologise and say we just don’t listen to him which I can understand from the kids point of view as they don’t listen to me much either but that’s just kids. I suggested a talk but it’s not happened.
(detail removed by moderator) It’s not the first time he’s been caught with porn on his phone and it discusts me as he’s 44 and I think he should grow up a bit!
Anyway, this is just an outline of what he’s like, sometimes it’s like I’m walking on eggshells he is very OCD (detail removed by moderator). I had spent all night while he was upstairs running around picking his bits up so he wouldn’t moan when he came down.
When he is nice he is nice and we get on like a house on fire, he is very opposite to me I am very laid back and he is full on sergeant major likes things done his way. So is this normal married life or should I be worried? Obviously things are exaggerated because we are stuck together but he is like it a lot of the time when we are not in this situation.
Thanks for reading xx

[Iwantmeback]

Hi welcome to the forum, in reply, no this isn’t normal married life unless all marriages are abusive ones. He’s a big baby isn’t he? Look up the cycle of abuse, see if there’s a pattern to his behaviour. Just a wee heads up that some of your post will be deleted as it could be seen as too recognisable. He’s not got OCD, IF he did he’d be doing the cleaning and tidying up, he’s using it as a stick to beat you with. IF he was OCD he’d not be leaving anything lying about. Porn at his age(any age tbh) goes hand in hand with abusers. Mine is a good bit older and still looks at it yet denies he does. Ive screenshots of what he was looking at, some of it is utterly disgusting.
Walking on eggshells is a classic sign you’re being abused, running around like a headless chicken so he won’t find anything to complain about like he’s the king of the castle is another sign, doing all the work in the house but getting no help or thanks just complaints you don’t do enough or do it right, is another sign.
Yet every so often there will be times that everything’s back on track, this is the honeymoon phase of the cycle of abuse. He won’t change, unless he wants to. If he ever admits he’s abusive he may be remorseful, will say he’ll change but unless he truly wants to it’ll only be to keep you or to win you back when you leave.
Well done in posting, this is the first step on your journey away from his abusive behaviour.
IWMB 💞💞

[Manifest]

Hey PeppaPig… my little ones CONSTANTLY sing that theme tune…:-) Anyways not in the right place to offer words of advice so sorry – but just wanted you to consider the “OCD” of your partner – OCD if it was his compulsion then it would be his obsessional compulsions – he wouldn’t be able to allow you to do it – I don’t really think that he has OCD… I have ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) with OCD tendencies, and its hard to explain but honestly as an OCD sufferer I can honestly say if your partner had OCD he simply would not be able to leave things lying about… so I have to agree with IWMB… me thinks your partner is most likely acting like my partner which I am VERY VERY recently and really ONLY starting to realise is nothing more than an abusive monster – sorry dont mean to call anyone a monster – but I am beginning to think my partner may have been one – and I also apologise for the spelling and grammatical errors… but I kind typing on a tablet a nightmare to try to correct!!!!

[PeppaPig]

Having a bad day but can’t seem to post anywhere else but on the end of my old post for some reason.
Hubby started (removed by moderator) shouting at (removed by moderator) yr old, then he started on me saying I don’t do anything when In fact I don’t sit down once when he has (removed by moderator) naps every afternoon and sits on the loo for half an hour a time. I cook, clean, wash, do the washing look after the kids and he just comes in and criticise me for not doing the hoovering which is the only job in the house he does. He stops talking to my (removed by moderator) yr old and ignores her. Bites her head off if she tries to talk to him. He tells our (removed by moderator) yr old she is his favourite and she repeats this to me afterwards. I’m tired and exhausted trying to look after the kids while he hides away in his bedroom.
I had to call his Mom to come and have a word with him. He calmed down, apologises a million times to me says it’s the lockdown affecting him and that’s what his Mom said, promises he won’t do it again. He says he won’t say that to our youngest again. He better not! I’m just so exhausted. Things go fab for weeks then he starts off again saying the same thing that he sick of me not doing anything and sick of the (removed by moderator) yr old not listening.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi PP, I know what I was like when mine used to rant at me, I switched off. Mums find this very easy to do, that’s how we tolerate our children playing up longer than anyone else would, we switch off. Think it is also a coping mechanism with constant verbal abuse and fault finding. Could be also why we don’t remember them telling us they said such and such and its not all gaslighting 🤣🤣. Would you tell him if he’s sick of you not doing anything to do it himself, I used to tell mine that. Shut him up for a few days at least. Lockdown is not making him act this way, he’s using it as An excuse to behave so. You’ve got 3 children really not 2 and he wants ALL your attention. His honeymoon phase didn’t last long did it. He’s already started alienating the children from each other, favouring one over the other.no wonder your older one acts up. She’s obviously hurting, confused and angry. His behaviour isnt funny, yet he’ll probably try and make out he’s only kidding . To feel neglected,less than,left out at a young age creates behavioral issues into teenage years and beyond. He’s playing a very dangerous game here,as sibling rivalry at a young age can have disastrous consequences, never mind continue into adulthood. You must be so tired, I pray this stops for you soon.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[Escapee]

Hi, welcome X

His behaviour is so classic of an abuser…

Have a good read of old posts, it’ll help validate all your suspicions that this not really how a healthy marriage should be.

[Author]

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