Viewing 20 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #15815
      Courage
      Participant

      Has anyone looked at the new coercive control law? It is so my husband and is now actually a criminal offence to do all that intimidating, manipulative bulls**t that they do. They can only prosecute for stuff that happened after 29th Dec 2015 but anything prior will be counted as an example of their ‘bad character’ and generally work against them.

      Not sure if I would put myself through it but as I’ve already written my statement I wouldn’t need to do much more than take it to the police but great that it’s now got that recognition

    • #15825
      godschild
      Participant

      It may sound good on paper but Ive had experience of the Police since this law was passed and theydont even seem to know it has been passed.
      Also thinking about how hard it is to get prosecution without evidence for physical assault and rape , how much harder forthis to be proved.
      It says that the Police should be aware of the perpetrator making himself the victim, mine tried this a few months ago and the attending officers treated me appalingly.
      I asked about a female officer as per the write up on this new law and was told there arnt any, you get who you get.
      Abusers are such liars and manipulators, I think it would be hard to prove this and in my araa the police are either bearingon abusive themselves or totally useless in these situaions, they dont have the first clue about the dynamics of abuse, where it is in their face let alone this type.
      Do hope it may help though in so way for some.
      I had officers hear mine shouting and swearing at me and saying he wanted ME committed, they contacted the mebtal health service whilst he just behaved like a mad man.

    • #15830
      Whathaveidone
      Participant

      yes, I’m currently looking into this aswell on the Rights of Woman website http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

      I’m trying to record the behaviour and gather evidence before speaking to anyone and going to the police because I don’t know how anyone will believe me.

      Although, I do believe that my ‘partner’ actually groomed me as an child for several years into what is now an abusive adult relationship so that in itself is breaking the law.

    • #15832
      Lilycat
      Participant

      This law is very hard to prove for very many different types of psychological and emotional abuse. I have experienced such abuse for several years, but none of it can be evidenced because my abusers know how far to push situations and stay just under the radar.

      From my own experience of talking to the police, it seems that it is an offence that can be categorised and used only to give a clearer picture of other offences. It seems very hard to prove by itself unless there is very clear material evidence such as threatening letters, frequent texts and so on. During my discussion with a police woman, about issues I was experiencing, she told me that my husband just seemed a bit lonely and desperate, but that I could phone ‘999’ if anything did happen.

      Like Whathaveidone, I am recording what has happened to me and logging it with Women’s Aid and my therapist. Ironically, the only way that this evidence can ever be used as evidence will be when an incident happens. By then, it will be a case of ‘a little too late’.

      Stay safe, folks.

      Kindest wishes

      Lilycat x

    • #15852
      Courage
      Participant

      So after posting this thread I thought I would call 101 and just ask about it. They sent two police officers out within a few hours to check I was ok, even though I have a (detail removed by Moderator) in place, they’ve expanded that order informally and they are going to take a full statement next week when they come to take one about my ex (detail removed by Moderator). So over all I found them to be quite positive, such a shame thats not everyones experience though. 🙁

      Def keep records of everything you can and hopefully it will help us in our fights for safety.

      Mind you I did have one v.insensitive lady on 101 the other day who when I said I was worried my order wouldn’t protect me and replied with ‘why what you scared of?’ in a really sarcastic tone….I hung up on her and called back later and spoke to someone else!

      But do you know who have been great…victim support! I rang them trying to get hold of my local IDVA, was on the phone for 1.5 hours and then in two days had looooads of calls from pretty much every support agency going. Definitely recommend it if you haven’t already x

    • #15870
      Starmoon
      Participant

      Courage I’m glad you’ve had a positive experience with this. It’s relatively new but I hope the rite training is being put in with police.
      It’s sad that so many others aren’t supported in this.. :(. I wonder what sort of evidence we’d need to prove it. I bet it would be difficult?! Last year when my selfesteem was at its lowest point- after an incident where he’d smashed up my phone, thrown an ironing board at my head and punched me in my back- I was eventually convinced by my family to call the police. I typically and genuinely believed that it was my fault he’d done those things and didn’t know the first thing about domestic abuse back then. The officer that came to see me strongly advised me not to make an official statement as it may end up in court and probably wouldn’t stand up…he said he would have a chat with my partner!!!! At the time I believed he was rite. Now I think this was another example of how the system has failed me

    • #15874
      Serenity
      Participant

      Starmoon,

      So many of your posts have been you blaming yourself, that you don’t often detail the dreadful things your ex has done to you.

      I read your post above, and I was shocked to read what he did. He truly is a monster.

    • #15927
      White Rose
      Participant

      This seems a great idea unil you realise that even with hard evidence of physical abuse and police logs of other events these men STILL get off with NO conviction.
      Is there any point in pursuing?
      I think I would probably have ample evidence to do it but most of it is before December last year so it won’t be accepted.

      • #15932
        godschild
        Participant

        I thought exactly the same serenity on reading starmoons account of how he behaved, it takes time and courage to voice these things and in writing it and sharing it, I think it will emphasise to you starmoon the extent and reality of his abuse to you

    • #15931
      godschild
      Participant

      The whole essence of this new law is that the control and cohersive behaviour has to be long term and consistant, Women could have been experiencing this type of behavoir for decades, yet only things that happen since December 2015 count the law is an a*s it seems.
      As you say white rose yours would be prior to December last year.
      If any other crime is committed people will be punished regardless when it happened, look at historical child abuse etc.
      If men have been behaving like this for years it should be counted and punishable.
      It was the same when I had a risk assesment done earlier this year, they only wanted answers to what had happened now, not years ago.
      also echo you white rose that its very hard to get convictions without a lot of substancial evidance for blatent visable physical abuse, so what hope with these men lying and manipulating the non physical, I think on reading about it it excludes a lot of verbal and emotional abuse and the effects that has.

    • #73924
      Freshwaterlilly
      Participant

      I’ve just been reading the above posts there has been a lot of coverage of this in the news lately and on the face of it looks promising
      But it’s not,my own personal experience of this I walked into a police station (detail removed by moderator)after being locked out of my home by my husband we had been on holiday his obnoxious behaviour towards me and my family was the last straw he left me on my own and got a flight home I had no money my son booked me a flight,when I got back he had changed the locks and cleared out our joint bank account I had nothing
      The police took a very detailed statement from me giving very clear examples of coercive control in fact they were quick to point this out
      From how I don’t cut his cheese or make his tea properly weeks of the silent treatment to burning the house down and much more
      They came to the property with me and it was immediately clear how rude and controlling he was even to the degree of telling the officers that they didn’t know there job this went on for over an hour
      I got the new keys and they warned him of harassment
      They then left
      And that was the end of that except I had a phone call from victim support they told me they couldn’t help as he had not physically hurt me
      I’ve had no help from the police since even though I’ve reported him twice more for this growing bizarre behaviour they still say they can’t help me
      I feel I’ve been left high and dry and Iam sure there are thousands of us in this position
      Why bother changing the law unless the police are will to act there is nothing we can do

    • #73928
      KIP.
      Participant

      I’ve seen me looking up the law myself and quoting it and I’ve complained about police officers. One accused me of wasting police time when my ex who has a conviction for assaulting me was at the bottom of my street. Apparently I was supposed to wait till he came to my door or looked in my window! Shout loudly. Complain loudly and know the law. Ask for a supervisor if you’re not taken seriously.

    • #73932
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      I have a meeting with the Police on (detail removed by Moderator) and now I’m really worried. The officer I spoke to today was so nice she really made me feel at ease and safe. She put DVM on my temporary address and told me there were 2 cars in the area if I couldn’t wait until (detail removed by Moderator).
      I have a lot of texts were he has used manipulation and fear to get me to go back but now don’t know if this will be enough. I only hope this law will make future generations safe once people understand it.
      My partner has also committed sexual crimes but I don’t know if I’m ready to open that can of worms considering the conviction rate. It could backfire and make him feel even more powerful.
      Good luck to anyone pursuing this I would be really interested in hearing more about this from experience than the little online summaries. Xx

    • #73940
      maddog
      Participant

      It is very very difficult to prove unless the house is rigged with spy cameras and there’s blood on the carpet. Even then…

      My ex was NFA’d on the basis of lack of evidence. The police did speak to him. He lied to them as he lies to everyone. They did persuade him to move out of the house, and he has several court orders on his name.

      The police were very good and told me that although they couldn’t prosecute him it was important to report and report so in future it will be better. All this stuff will be on record, and domestic abuse is a huge thing on reported crimes. The prosecution rate is pitifully low and the conviction rate even lower.

      In all, it is traumatising all round.

    • #73941
      KIP.
      Participant

      Always speak to domestic abuse police officers. I reported the sexual crimes and I’m glad I did. I have no regrets. I held him accountable. He’s not my problem anymore, the police can deal with him now. He’s on their radar too for any other woman he does it to, they have my statement. Don’t be put off by the odd police officer who just isn’t helpful, Ive had many more who were superb x

    • #73987
      teabag
      Participant

      Hi everyone.
      Can I just confirm that you can only report back as December 2015?
      Much love to you ladies

    • #73992
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi teabag, you can tell your story as far back as you need to, though prosecution wise I think they can only go back that far. Try phoning Rights for women, they’ll advise you accordingly. Keep going, keep getting stronger. 💜💜

    • #74060
      warriorangel
      Participant

      (detail removed by  moderator) when my ex wasin jail every week for (removed by  moderator) i had to pay his drug debts cause of the threats and abuse of his parents and assaults this was (removed by  moderator) i lived on frozen chips and bread i kept every bank account and name and reciept i was having have the sameto pay into and every mobile number he used to give me the details i informed his probation officer and handed all information over to the police reciepts mobile numbers the lot well over (detail removed by  moderator) on just that sentance nothing got done im under marac for the next year because hes breached 2 restraining orders twice after just finishing a (removed by moderator) for attacking me whilest pregnant multiple facial fractures nd blown eye socket he was remanded again (detail removed by  moderator) he loves jail doesnt bother him its leart beavior nd they are a a (removed by  moderator) family my dv officer went to his parents home for an appointment nd they chased her and reported her for harrasment the parents of these vile human beings should also be held accountable they should be made to pay actual costs police orders jail etc take there homes of them …….

    • #74072
      Doris
      Participant

      Hello all you posties out there, well, I don’t think I want to rely on the Law. Coercive control doesn’t seem to cover non-violent abuse like the silent treatment, the glares, the subtle put-downs, criticisms and accusations. And how do you prove it although I would always turn the question around; why would I lie? I would sooner remain in my home with a kind and loving partner than go through the emotional upheaval of leaving and building a new life with little money. But I think I would rather rely on myself and a solicitor than the police. X*X

      • #74087
        Iwantmeback
        Participant

        I agree with you too Doris. Why would we lie, why would we be prepared to give up everything for a lie?
        Love to you
        IWMB 💕💕

    • #74078
      Freshwaterlilly
      Participant

      Totally agree I can’t wait until his behaviour escalates and I become another
      5 minutes news story
      I’ve instructed a solicitor (detail removed by moderator) to start divorce process I’ve had to lend the money from my family
      And I will probably lose my house and everything I’ve worked for
      it a big price to pay do we really make this up?
      We want to lose what we worked for it’s a farce
      yes Iam going to lose my home yes Iam going to have very little money to live on
      But I will have me back I lost me years ago I want her back

    • #74455
      fizzylem
      Participant

      This is great news – I’ve lived with coercive abuse for (detail removed by moderator) years – every other email I get is threatening and coercive! Problem I have is that I have so much evidence I really don’t know where to start nor do I have the energy. We’re living in a box room, I need to get a home sorted and that is all I can manage right now. When I stop and take stock, I still cant quite believe this is where I am, how bad it’s been and how much life its taken getting out and away. Lost my health, job and home and I’m still not completely free of him.

    • #74530
      Freshwaterlilly
      Participant

      That’s exactly how I feel but I must congratulate you in keep moving forward as that’s all we have and hopefully you will be free of him
      It sounds very much our stories are very much the Same,I don’t know exactly what the police would act on?
      When you are being told it’s his flat he can leave the door ajar what can you say to that, he putting me in danger by his actions and they can’t do anything
      It truly is a joke that act alone is bullying controlling and coercive
      If someone got in my flat and hurt me or even worse how would the police act
      I doubt they would do anything
      The law regardless of this new act,is a million miles away for us
      No obvious injury’s no action
      Shame they cannot see the extent of Injury to the mind😢

Viewing 20 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account