New, confused and desperate for change

[Reachingforchange]

Hi ladies,
I’m not quite sure where to start or how to start but I’m here at long last.
I left my ex a long time ago now but during the time we’ve been separated we have still tried to carry on living separately, even though it was the worst thing I could’ve done. He has moved on has a new gf but still comes back to me for sex. Hes filled my head with all sorts of c**p. I have just been through one of the most stressful times and it’s made me realise that I need to get away from this man and stop loving him before he ruins me more. Emotional train wreck doesnt quite come close to where I’m at and I cant keep putting the everything is ok mask anymore.

[KIP.]

Hi, he’s obviously not moved on with his new gf if he’s still having sex with you. Have you got the support of your local women’s aid? Breaking completely free from an abuser is difficult and potentially dangerous. Have you tried going total no contact?

[Reachingforchange]

Hi thanks for your reply.
I’ve no idea where to start in terms of support groups this forum is the 1st step I’ve made tbh.
I’ve tried the no contact but we have children together and no 3rd party to go through to make arrangements etc and everytime I make contact just about the kids its lasts a matter of weeks then hes back in my head.

[Lisa]

Hi Reachingforchange,

It’s perfectly understandable why you’d be feeling so confused and overwhelmed at the moment, and it may take some time to heal but you’ve taken the first steps by reaching out for support which is great.

It might be worth getting in touch with your local domestic abuse service. They very often have access to 1:1 emotional support/ support groups; the more support you get the stronger you will become to separate completely from this man. You can find the details for your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

It’s very common for perpetrators to use children as a way to keep the abuse going for as long as possible. Your local domestic abuse service may also have access to legal advice, and it might be worth getting this to find out your options around the child contact (for example, they could talk you through what your options might be if you want to stop contact/ there might be an option of doing handovers in a contact centre).

Remember you can also phone the National Domestic Violence Helpline (24hrs) on 0808 2000 247 if you want to talk anything through further.

Take care, and please keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[Author]

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