8th June 2016 at 11:39 pm #18818
I’m supposed to be getting keys to my new social housing flat soon. As usual all of my emotions are all bubbling up to the surface. Made homeless by my husband assaulting me. Being in a bad refuge. The refuge evicting me. The council refusing to help me. Being in a bed and breakfast twice. living in a small studio flat that breached health and safety and planning laws and my landlord not caring. Several meltdowns later…….
I have a diagnosis of emotionally unstable personality disorder and then the trauma of the abuse certainly wasn’t going to help.
It’s funny because we lived in a social housing flat before and when we got married he convinced me that we wouldn’t need one so we gave it up. I truly thought that we/I was better off now and didn’t need it anymore as we had enough money.
Years later I’m moving back into social housing alone. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared. I’m scared. I lost a lot of self confidence and self esteem after his abuse and my mental illness escalating.
At the same time I’m thinking I’ve done this before and I can do it again and I’m not letting anyone in my flat ever again apart from professionals.
It will be strange to have a large kitchen to myself again. strange having more than one cupboard without locks on it. I miss things like cooking…My cookbooks have lived in storage for years and now…..I actually have space to put them and try out new recipes. Even things like my food processor being in storage will be changing.
Being able to iron and hang clothes up.
Being able to sit in a bath.
Being able to have flowers and plants.
Being able to use a vaccum.
Having my knick knacks from my travels around me.
Having my books and bookcase with me.
A quiet comfortable place where I can focus on my therapy group class.
So many other things……
I don’t cope with change very well but I have to keep telling myself this is positive change and it is and will be good for me.
I guess it shows that there is hope for us out there.
As one of my support workers said, I’m going to kiss my front door every time I get home!
9th June 2016 at 12:05 am #18821AnonymousInactive
Hi Sahara, You can do this, it sounds like you had a really bad relationship and here you are now with something that seems so big in front of you. The positives are everything you say you can do now that you could not do before, this is your flat. When you go in that door that is your sanctuary. It may take you a while to get used to it but before long you will love it. The freedom, the peace and knowing that against the odds you have moved forward. I am sure that your support workers will be there to help you on your way. Goodluck and congratulations on your new home x
9th June 2016 at 6:59 am #18825HealthyarchiveBlocked
Congratulations Sahara, this is a fantastic new start for you, it is so nice living alone, you can do what you want when you want, I would never let a man over my threshold again. Get through all of the emotional troubles you are having which takes time, once this has been done, the world is your oyster. X*X
9th June 2016 at 8:31 pm #18865Confused123Participant
Moving always sets of new emotions, see it as a new start and enjoy your step
9th June 2016 at 9:32 pm #18869
They have given me the keys. Still feels very surreal. Haven’t been able to get through to the movers but will think of something.
9th June 2016 at 9:37 pm #18870SerenityParticipant
How exciting for you, Sahara. Your own space.
Savour every moment x*x
9th June 2016 at 10:21 pm #18871lover of no contactParticipant
Congratulations Sahara on your new home. Well done for hanging on in there. Good things come to he/she who waits and you have had to be very patient putting all your personal things in storage and now you are able to set them free and use them again.
A friend once said to me ‘Change is a different best’.
10th June 2016 at 5:43 pm #18894AyannaParticipant
How great that you got your own space! Congratulations!
10th June 2016 at 6:26 pm #18897
Most of it is happening tomorrow. Expensive! Luckily I have savings or it would have been a pay day loan! I know better than that. they prey on vulnerable people you can get a grant from the council and a loan from your local building society that is cheaper. I had a look on freecycle for a washing machine.
Still think I’m dreaming
12th June 2016 at 3:05 pm #19000LittleBritishPhoenixParticipant
Oh Sahara congratulations! It’s been a long time coming and I am so so pleased for you lovely 🙂
It is oddly scary finally having your own home again, but focus on the positives and make it all your own!
So happy for you! 🙂 LBP. xx
15th June 2016 at 4:35 pm #19199newlife2015Participant
COngratulations on your new home – enjoy your new life xx
16th June 2016 at 6:34 am #19259betterdaysParticipant
Hi Sahara d. I were nervous moving from the house I owned last year I’d been there (detail removed by Moderator) yrs. I’m now in social housing. I were terrified as I didn’t own it. But once I got everything sorted and it’s took me a few months I’ve realised it were the best thing ever and you will too. My neighbours are lovely. Nobody over the back from me. I do feel safe here which is the main thing. Although (detail removed by Moderator) mins away from the ex. But he can get stuffed were the victims. Once everything’s in place you will love it honestly. It’s your own safe haven x
20th June 2016 at 1:10 am #19613
Thanks everyone for your replies. It still doesn’t feel real. I have no curtains. I’m struggling to connect the washing machine and I’m scared of cooking.
I’m trying not to get overwhelmed but there is quite a lot to do and figure out as you can imagine.
And my line manager wants me to do overtime now I’m closer to work!
Little things like being able to sit in a bathtub as long as I like with no one banging on the door for a pee.
I look for things around me and realise it’s in another room because I’ve lived in one room for so long.
20th June 2016 at 7:07 am #19617HealthyarchiveBlocked
Dear Sahara, i’ve got a good book on this you might like,
Living Alone and Loving It: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life Paperback – 10 Dec 2002
by Barbara Feldon
Also, You Tube is great for vidoe’s to help out if you have any problems. My sink was recently blocked, I hadn’t a clue what to do, You Tube showed me and I fixed it without paying £100 for a plumber, I felt so proud. Congratulations, i love living alone. X*X
22nd June 2016 at 9:53 pm #19873AnonymousInactive
Congratulations SaharaD! I remember how scared I was getting my own place but it’s great. No man about telling me off for being too noisy or putting things in the wrong place.
Don’t worry about your place not being perfect. This takes time and each time you get some thing new or paint one wall you will feel so proud.
Well done healthy for doing some plumbing. That’s just amazing
25th June 2016 at 8:37 am #20048lifelibertyhappinessParticipant
Hi Sahara, getting my new flat was one of the best steps I took – for a while I was staying with friends which was nice as it meant I had people around when I was really struggling, but there is something so amazing about being able to shut your front door and know that it’s just you and you are totally safe. There are so many things that I take joy in every day in having my own place, especially that for the first time in my life my fridge is full of food that I was able to buy with my money, and every evening I can eat at what time I want and eat what food I want and eat the amount of food I want. These things are things that people who are not survivors will never understand as to most people they are givens, but for us they are huge blessings and cause for celebration. Similarly the fact that I can pay bills and every time I do I can remind myself that I am not the useless, lazy woman my ex told me I was, but a strong one who is capable of managing her finances and her post.
But there are so many hard things too – I hate going supermarket shopping as it triggers so many bad memories. Mostly I order online or pick up something on the way home, but even that makes me hugely anxious.
I think what I’ve realised over the past few months is that it doesn’t matter if you don’t get everything sorted at once. I was a really disciplined runner and gym bunny before my abusive marriage broke down, but for the past few months I’ve been too depressed and tired to do any of that. I was beating myself up for not doing it, but then a friend pointed out that I’d achieved a fair bit already in the past few months and not running really was a bit of a small part of that. I’ve recently started running again and feel great, but I’ve also realised that it doesn’t matter if life isn’t perfect straight away. The more amazing thing is that I’m free.
I really hope you start to love life on your own. The BBC Good Food recipes are really clear if you’re trying to start cooking, but even if you just do simple stuff it doesn’t matter because your life is your own and no-one can tell you that you’re doing it wrong as you are free!
25th June 2016 at 2:29 pm #20058Twisted SisterParticipant
so glad for you SaharaD! All that awful time behind you now, and hopefully a feeling of being a lot more settled, or at least the chance to be!
That list you make i can so relate to, the things you take for granted… i always knew i loved a good soak in the bath and it was always my salvation in grim times, but to then have to manage without one was such a blow to my relaxation options and i would crave it. Not being able to cook and so on.
its awesome to hear that you now have some space to call your own and set up as you want, and you might not be able to set it all up at once, but one day at a time you will move forward and become more settled and control your own space and peace 🙂
Its great that you are now going to be rediscovering a wealth of past things that once were lost, knowing as you do that you will begin to settle after the change of it all.
warmest wishes KSxx
26th June 2016 at 9:12 am #20125shine bright 2Participant
Hi Sahara, Havent been here dor a while …lots going on in life….but wanted to say how happy i am for u Ive been on this forum a good while and we alot of ups and downs in that time….its ao good to hear some really good news Enjoy every bit of it…enjoy it everyday. Sooooo happy 4 u. X
30th June 2016 at 6:57 pm #20561
Thank you all for your kind supportive words. I haven’t got proper internet access but will reply when I do.
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