New here

[Sausages]

I can’t even wright I’m too upset, I just can’t cope anymore, I feel so isolated and unsupported.

So no one worries, I’m safe, I live on my own now.

I split up with my husband (removed by moderator) ago and I’m going through a divorce. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for (removed by moderator) yrs so I’m at an extremely low ebb, I’ve actually felt suicidal over the past few weeks. I find that very difficult to admit because I’ve always been such a strong person. The only time I’ve felt like this before is not long before we split up when I felt so trapped I had really bad thoughts. I’m normally a happy person by nature.

So far I’ve spent over £6,000 on a solicitor who I feel is just not taking me seriously, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t believe a word I say. I don’t see how someone who doesn’t believe me can argue a good outcome for me. It’s been going on for (removed by moderator) but we have only just done financial disclosure. My finances are a bit complicated but is this a normal amount of money and time to spend to get to point???

Every time my solicitor and I communicate he makes me feel so bad. I would like to change solicitors but I don’t know were to start.

I gave up my job of (removed by moderator)yrs during our relationship because of mental health issues caused by my husbands coercive control so I’m at home on my own most of the time. I have a sort of business but I’ve put things on hold for the past month because my mental health has gone really down hill due to the way I feel I’m being treated by my solicitor. Just to let you know I didn’t suffer with any kind of mental health issues until I met my husband. I need a solicitor who has experience of working with victims of coercive control. I’m probably being over sensitive but it’s hard not to when you’ve been through years of abuse.

I’m also finding it difficult to think straight at the moment so if I ask for help I need a solicitor who is actually going to help rather than making you feel like you’re over reacting.

Is anyone able to point me in the right direction?

This is my first time on here so if there are obvious places to find help that I haven’t looked at I’m sorry.

[Lisa]

Hi Sausages,
Welcome to the forum. It’s good to know you have had enough strength to come on here and reach out for help and advice from other women who have been through similar. This can be an ideal place to safely be heard and supported, so know that you are not alone.
I’m sorry to hear you are not getting the right level of support from your solicitor. You can look at your options with changing who gives you legal advice. You’re absolutely right, you do need someone who understands the complexities of domestic abuse.
Controlling and Coercive Behaviour in an Intimate or Family Relationship is now a criminal offence; the impact it can have on a woman has been recognised by law and it is now considered a damaging form of abuse. Coercive Control was brought into legislation 29th December 2015 and can be found in Section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. If found guilty the offence can carry a maximum of 5 years’ imprisonment, a fine or both.
The Rights of Women have more information and guidance on Coercive Control and how you can get help with this if you are experiencing this type of abuse: http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/
You may want to consider approaching a local domestic abuse service for support. They may be able to help you collect evidence of coercive control, support you in approaching the police and give you ongoing emotional and practical support. You can search for your local domestic abuse service here.
Understandably, this has taken a major toll on you emotionally and psychologically. You could try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200, or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.
I hope you find this forum a place of support. Do keep posting. It undoubtedly feels overwhelming for you at the moment, but hopefully once you start to engage with the women here and other professional services that provide the right level of support, your anxiety can lift and you can feel more in control of your situation.
All the best,

Lisa

[Sausages]

Thank you Lisa I really appreciate your reply. I will get in touch with services locally so hopefully they will be able to recommend a local solicitor who is a bit more sensitive. I feel I have no choice but to change solicitors. My solicitor is so slow and he makes me feel like I’m making everything up. If it wasn’t real I wouldn’t have given up my job. The stress my husband caused me made my hair fall out, by the time I left work I was wearing a wig. I’ve given my solicitor so much evidence I just don’t understand it. I can be very emotional but he knows I’m on medication for anxiety so I would expect that he would at least try to be supportive. I’m not feeling too good at the moment but I will definitely post on here again so I can at least help others going through similar experiences. x*x

[Lisa]

Hi Sausages,

Great to hear you will get in contact with your local services and you will continue to post to us. Keep reaching out for support when you can, we are here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

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