New here!

[Purpleskies]

Hi everyone

I’m new to the forum. I’ve recently managed to leave my relationship.

I have struggled with accepting it as abuse as it wasn’t violent.

However, I’m trying to come to terms with the fact my partner financially abused me for the entire of our relationship.

I make a lot more money than him and he has always had debt.

This consisted with him manipulating me into allowing him use my card because if I didn’t then I didn’t trust him. He put my card details on to gambling sites. He paid off loan sharks and drug dealers with my money. He nearly convinced me to take a loan out on our house.

The horrible thing is he thinks he’s a victim of depression and that makes it ok. Yes he’s depressed and so was I but I never stole from
people. He’s attempting to pay me back for some of what he owes me but nowhere near everything. It’s accepting that even if he pays stuff back it never makes it ok what he put me through for all those years.

I would be interested to hear others experiences with financial abuse and the emotional and mental toll it has taken

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel…Purpleskies,
Welcome to the form and well done for posting… and well done for leaving your abusive ex.
I hope now that you have all your finances secured and in your name only, if not I would make this your first priority.
I hope you are still financially secure even though he owes you money.
There’s no doubt that he should pay you back, however I would say that if him paying you back is going to cause you more stress and put you at more risk of abuse, to let it go if you can. I would hate for you to get drawn back in.
I had to start again with nothing, however to be free of my ex was worth it.
What you have experienced is abuse, and you have been through a lot. Now that you are away from him I would suggest concentrating on yourself and putting all your energy and focus back into you.
Give yourself a big dose of self love and self care… I always recommend reading or listening to Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life or The Art of Extreme Self Care by Cheryl Richardson for this.
Also do some research on the cycle of abuse and how abusers operate, this will help you understand that it is not your fault.
Keep posting and stay connected
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

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