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[Willbemeagain]

Hello, I have just joined this group and I’m really hoping support can reduce the anxiety and stress I feel about my situation. I’ve been in a manipulative and controlling relationship for (detail removed by Moderator) years which I have finally ended and he’s being awful. He tried to bully me out the house, was being nice one minute, nasty the next. Staying one minute, leaving the next. He finally moved out (detail removed by Moderator) , then ‘disappeared’ for (detail removed by Moderator) days and I had his children messaging me begging to find him. He eventually resurfaced and then told me he was moving back in but didn’t tell me when. I’m on the edge of my nerves with all of this. Please tell me it will get better! Xx

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Willbemeagain

The best way of reducing anxiety is when he is out of your life for good, and you have come so far towards that, but you will need to take control back of your life and your boundaries. You cannot have answers for his children when he does this to them. If he is gone, then change the locks and take control by telling him he is not coming back. At the moment he is dangling you like a puppet, and punishing you with his disappearing ‘act’.

Stop believing him, he’s using them to abuse you because he knows you’ll be worried. Let go of him, stop caring about where he is and your anxiety will diminish, so long as you feel he’s not able to get into your home or pose any additional risk to you.

Its no wonder you feel as you do, but if you pull up the drawbridge and shut him out, you can get on with your own life. Are the police aware that he’s threatening to come back? Its best if you have a marker on your address as being under threat so if you have to call the police they will prioritise your risk.

Get all the support you can around you, local domestic abuse, with friends and family.

warmest wishes

ts

[Bananaboat]

Welcome and sorry for what you’re going through. Being in a similar boat I can totally relate to your feelings, there’s no respite when you just never know if/when he’s coming back. Sadly it’s just another game or tactic to them, it keeps you where he wants you, ie at his beck and call while he’s living his life how he wants, swanning in when it suits him and expecting you and the kids to do as he wants.

The hard truth (and I read it here many times before I believed it), is that he will not leave on his own. You have to take control and as he’s already out, say no to him not coming back if safe to do so. Get some support and advice around your options and house (do you rent/own, is it in joint/sole name). Well done for ending it, there’s still a rough road ahead but it’s the right road and you’ll be better without him x*x

[Willbemeagain]

Thank you both for your messages. It is so frustrating that he continues to try and control me. I will get through it xx

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