New here and don’t know where to begin…

[Pink-butterfly]

Hi everyone,

I have finally figured out that I am being emotionally abused by my husband.
I don’t even no where to begin with it all.
I haven’t felt happy for a long time and I thought it was just me and my mental health. I feel like I’m stuck, if I leave I will have nothing. I no there will be a fight for custody of my children and him and his family have money. I don’t. I’ve been warned by this before. I’m stupid and I set a bad example to our children because I’m not career minded. I have nothing to show for anything. And I would be screwed if he wasn’t here. (This is everything he tells me everyday) my head hurts. All he does is shout and scream at me and the children for minor things and all I do is try my best to keep him happy by giving him and doing all the things he wants. Him and his family are manipulative and I do wonder if it’s a thing he’s seen growing up and thinks it’s normal because every time I tell him how I feel he says he’s done nothing wrong and it’s all me and my mental health problems. If it was easy to leave I would but I don’t want to split our family up. I no the feeling of a family that’s broken up I was once one of those children in the middle and I wouldn’t wish it on my kids.

[Bananaboat]

Welcome, I didn’t want to read and run as I know how scary that first post can be, so until others are on I’ll just share some basics which have been shared with me. Firstly you’ll find lots of good advice and similar stories here and sometimes it helps just knowing you’re not alone, or not crazy, or others have left & thrived. Some good books to read are ‘living with the dominator’ by Pat Craven and ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft, also check out Dr Ramani on YouTube. Lots of others can suggest other great tools. I know splitting a family up can be an unattractive option but staying with an abuser can do a lot more damage. Above anything else stay safe.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi k-butterfly, it is very frightening once you realise your partner is abusive to you and the impact that has on your children. Once you recognise the abuse you cannot unsee it, this forum is really helpful, I hope you keep posting.

I have been where you are, i am long term married (recently separated, it took me (detail removed by moderator)). The books bananaboat has mentioned I found really helpful.

The family unit was important to me as well, I do not earn, my husband does… he is a high earner and kept secret accounts from me, he handed me money towards house costs when I asked him (hated to ask him for money but had to), he told me I am mad for years (I believed it in the end), he would sneer at me and my life, ridicule me for not working (I am a full time carer for our child). The abuse only gets worse, children are safer away from an abusive father. Take baby steps and keep posting, we are here for you ❤

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