new here and grieving mum …

[Deedo]

hello. i wish id found this place sooner. i have one adult-aged child with first abuser, and three (removed by moderator) aged kids with abuser number 2. number one dad controlls the first child who has lived with him for some years – her choice. she will not respond to any of my love messages and puts the phone down if i call. that child is well in his grip. he has a second wife, a very quiet, doent argue sort of woman. yet i’m still to be controlled?

abuder number 2 left (removed by moderator) years ago and has been after the kids all that time. the courts granted him custardy this summer holidays and my life changed forever when they went back to school. oh sure i get weekends. ive had enough of hearing ‘at least’ replies !!!

why do women get such a bad deal nowadays? he got the cafcass and judge all sorry for him. ive been told to keep notes so one day i can fight back but feeling pretty hopeless … i see these children being turned agaisnt me like the first born?

thanks for listening

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome, my adult son has sided with his abuser father. I can understand why as he pays his wages and is totally dependent on his father for his income. Its a horrible thing to watch. Just play the long game. The last time I saw my son I hugged him and told him he knew where I was if he needed me. Having me in his life was making things difficult for him (he emailed me) so I just have to accept that. Is there anyone you know. A family member that can speak to the kids in your behalf. The doesn’t seem to argue type of woman has probably found out what happens when you argue with an abuser. I’ve tried to concentrate on my own life. Rebuilding friendships, new hobbies etc. A distraction for the time being. I’m glad my son was an adult when my ex was arrested. He threatened to take my son for years if I left him. He thinks he’s done that but my son has an abusive streak too. They deserve each other. They work together now too! I can only imagine the chaos that goes on. Just let your kids know you’re there for them. That’s all you can do. Sending you a big hug. Keep posting X

[Savingmyself]

Hi Hun
Please look up pychopath and n********t and you will see what has happened to you
Big hugs x*x

[Deedo]

thanks KIP and Savingmyself ….

@KIP it seems that the father son have triangulated and you are the tip. also im guessing that being less toxic yourself means you dont fit in? my family have actually ganged up against me and and joined in the toxic mess! im healthier but im also isolated, and the black sheep! i have been reaching out to friends and making lunch dates etc ….

@Savingmyself, ive read a lot recently and its lead me here! which is a good thing! partly liberated and partly trapped and aching for my young girls. how on earth did professionals buy into his veiw? am i also toxic too? i feel like fighting for thier hearts …. what a mess! i ask god to run him over 🙁

thanks x

[KIP.]

Hi Deedo. I find that interesting about the triangulation and me not fitting in because I’m less toxic. You are right. They both fly under the radar of the law and I just wouldn’t ever do that. I have no experience of family courts but from what I’ve heard on here it’s an up hill battle. Of all my friends and family I don’t know any man that does more than 20 percent of homecare and childcare and that’s pushing it. So how come the courts think it’s ok to give them 50 percent custody. It’s unbelievable.

[Author]

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