New here and need support

[Avelorio]

Hi, I am in the process of divorcing a very malignant n********t.
The latest is to use the children to compete with the love they give and receive. Both children are teenagers (detail removed by moderator) has had enough and decided a long time ago to cut bridges with her father as soon as she could, she has been undermined, rejected, compared and much more from him. (detail removed by moderator) Both children have received support from art therapy, counsellors and DV counsellors. The level of coercive behaviour and manipulation, financial control and much more used by their father has seen us forced to reengage in communication and contact with the abuser. (detail removed by moderator)
I was not able to prove that it was domestic violence. He is constantly turning things back to me it’s all my fault. I am a drama queen. I overreact and he is the most amazing person on the planet.
He has been granted visits at his house with my son. Considering that he has deliberately not picked up our children from school more than once when he was supposed to, that he has planned and nearly delivered his suicide, and that he doesn’t understand our son’s (detail removed by moderator), I am terrified to let him go to a place where he will have no support and where he is very likely to be brainwashed and manipulated. (detail removed by moderator)

I need advice here, I am down on my knees and feel that I am at risk of losing my son.

[Lisa]

Hi Avelorio,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting about your situation. Unfortunately, it’s extremely common for abusers to continue their abuse through the children after a survivor has left. There are lots of other women on the forum with similar experiences and I hope that sharing support with them is helpful for you.

It’s understandable how afraid you are about your son being at his father’s home, it might be worth getting some legal advice about any recourse you have to protect him. Rights of Women offer free legal advice in areas of the law often needed around domestic abuse. You could speak to local Social Services for some guidance around your concerns about your son’s wellbeing. If you aren’t currently in touch with your local domestic abuse service you could reach out to them for support.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Phenomenon]

Hi Avelorio,

I’m so sorry you are going through this, my ex is using our child as ammunition too. it’s dreadful and it is the only control they have left of me. we are taught by the abuser that we are overreacting or acting crazy. WE ARE NOT! My child was witness to many forms of physical and emotional violence and I am fighting for contact because they can hurt me, but they will not hurt my child. I haven’t seen my daughter for a month and it is heart wrenching and I am deeply grieving. This in itself is psychological abuse. social workers love keeping the child with the parents and so they will often form a family plan to keep you together safely. sometimes this means that you and your ex won’t have contact but the child will still see you both through 3rd party intervention. social care workers have deep understanding of DV in relation to children so please try not to fear losing your child. they will work alongside you for the greatest benefit of your child.

stay safe and keep smiling

im here should you ever want to to message.

sending love and light and empathy

Phenomenon x

[Author]

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