New here and trying to connect with strong women

[Twitcher]

Hello to you all, I have been browsing the forum for a few days and have just taken the step to register. I received counselling for severe anxiety (detail removed by Moderator) after hitting rock bottom and I twas mentioned that I was and have been experiencing abuse. I have been with my husband for over (detail removed by Moderator) years and am currently in the process of divorcing him with the help from Refuge and my abuse counsellor. We are still living together and I’m constantly terrified, I haven’t worked for (detail removed by Moderator) years so rely on his money, he’s threatening me with all sorts if he doesn’t get 50% of the house. I would love to hear from anyone who has gone through a divorce and managed to stay strong x

[Lisa]

Hello Twitcher,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and thank you for sharing what you are going through with us. It sounds like such a difficult situation, I imagine it’s exhausting living in an environment where you are constantly frightened.

I’m glad to hear that you have some support in place, and I hope the forum can be another supportive and helpful resource for you.

Take care, keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.

Lisa

[SingleMomSurvivor]

I went through a divorce and at the time I felt exactly the way you are feeling now- extremely anxious, terrified, consumed with worry and fear. My ex also threatened me with all sorts of things such as threatening that he was gonna take full custody of the kids, that he was going to convince the courts I was crazy and an unfit mum, etc etc. At the time, I did not feel very strong at all and I was very afraid all the time. But, I knew that I wanted a better life for myself and that I wanted a better life for my kids. That deep desire to live a life free of abuse motivated me every day to keep moving forward with the divorce, even though I did not feel strong or brave at the time.

Even though you may not feel strong or brave right now, I want you to know that you absolutely are! Also, abusers are very scary people so do not be hard on yourself for feeling afraid. Keep moving forward, keep taking small steps, keep posting on here, keep talking to your abuse counselor and one day soon you’ll look up and realize that you’ve done it!! You’ve divorced him and you’ve gotten to the other side. You can do this ❤️.

[Twitcher]

Hi SingleMomSurvivor,

Please see my reply below, not quite sure how to reply on the forum yet x

[Twitcher]

Hi SingleMomSurvivor,

Thank you so much for your reply. I joined this forum for help to stay strong and your message has helped a lot, knowing that what I’m feeling is normal and I’m not going mad. Trying to get away from him is terrifying and exhausting and he refuses to leave the house. I hope this forum will help me get through the endless darkness and know there’s hope and light to come x*x

[SingleMomSurvivor]

Hi Twitcher,
What you are feeling is absolutely normal and you are not going mad. Abusers are terrifying people and when we try to leave them and free ourselves from their abuse, they can become even scarier. Keep moving forward, one small step at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time and one day at a time. You can do this and we here on the forum are here to support you. Post as much as you want and as often as you want. You are strong and so very brave ❤️

[Twitcher]

Hi SingleMomSurvivor,
I keep reading your message regarding small steps and one day at a time, my anxiety is sky high at the moment and I’m so scared of what’s to come next week, we’re (detail removed by Moderator). Sometimes the fight to be free leaves me and I feel like the useless empty shell he’s made me x*x

[little-miss-sunshine]

Hi Twitcher,

I haven’t been through a divorce (we were engaged) but I just wanted to add my support as I did leave my abuser. As Singlemomsurvivor said, you are so strong and brave for making this decision! I was beating myself up for a long time about what he’d done to me (and all the times I went back) and used to be very anxious. It does get better though.

I was really worried about what he was going to do when I left. They make all sorts of threats, but you know what, he never actually did any of it. (detail removed by Moderator).

I’m sorry you still have to live with him, is there anywhere else you can stay temporarily? Friends or family? A refuge maybe if not? Still being around my ex made me very very anxious and the only thing that really helped was getting away from him.

I know it sounds like nonsense, but another thing that really helped me was meditation (and finally sorting a self care routine) I was sceptical for ages, but I was recommended an app called insight timer, it’s free and so are most of the meditations. It really helps calm the fight/flight/freeze response and got me out of my anxious cycle.

Please do keep posting and let us know how you’re getting on. There are so many lovely supportive women on here, and their support and advice really helped me. Much love to you, you’re going to be ok 💗 xxxx

[Twitcher]

Hi little-miss-sunshine,

Thanks so much for your message and the courage and strength you have shown in leaving your abuser. My counsellor says leaving is the hardest part and like you said the never ending cycle of anxiety and panic is exhausting.
It doesn’t sound like nonsense to me regarding meditation, I will look for the app insight timer, it may help slow my constantly racing heart. I have already purchased a book that was recommended on here and feel so lucky to have found this forum, my counsellor was so happy when I told her I’d registered as she said all of you lovely, strong women will help you through.
I haven’t got anywhere to go but Refuge did offer to get me away, I have (detail removed by Moderator) cats, (detail removed by Moderator) and I couldn’t leave them with him. I know it’s him that’s causing all this and if it gets really bad again I’ll have no choice but to get away.
I hope you brilliant, supportive ladies carry on helping me through this as just being on here has helped me more than I can express. Sending lots of kindness and love back to you 💛 x*x

[hpsauce]

Hey Twitcher,

Welcome to the forum! I’m pretty new here too and have found browsing on here an endless comfort while I too strike up the courage to get my ex out of the house once and for all.

You are gathering all the strength you need and we are all cheering you on.

Sending love and support xx

[Twitcher]

Hi hpsauce,

Thanks so much for your reply, like you i am finding so much comfort and hope from this forum, it makes you realise that it’s not just you that has been living through this awful soul destroying pain an abuser inflicts on us.
I thought for years that I was the only one that was living such a miserable life whilst everyone else around me seemed so happy, how wrong I was.
I’m sure that you will find the courage and strength to get him out in your own time, I think we need to dig really deep into our strength reserves and know that it will wane at times, you are doing amazingly well already, another beautiful, strong survivor. Much love back to you x*x

[tiredofitall]

Hi, I’m currently going through a divorce and house sale. I finally snapped 9 months ago now and it’s taken this long to be almost on the edge of a new life. We had to stay living together for most of that time and it’s been really hard. I’ve been scared. I’ve been bullied and threatened. But I also think he knew something was different. That I really meant it. I kept thinking I’ve suffered all these years. I was strong enough to keep getting up every day and I had no hope then. At least now I’m suffering with a goal in sight. My counsellor and I decided we couldnt work on what I’d been through because I needed to stay in my shell to get through but what we did work on was who I wanted to be and how I wanted my future after I was free. How liberating to think about what I could do and how I could live! I clung onto those thoughts in the darkest days. And came on here and shared my despair and I’ve been supported by women on here throughout. I wouldn’t have had the courage to know it was wrong and decide to change things without this forum. And i wouldn’t have been able to stay strong without them too.

[Twitcher]

Hi tiredofitall,

Thanks so much for your post, reading your words really hit home, I could of written it myself. Like you my counsellor has made me realise how much better it will be living in peace and being able to do what I want, when I want. She also made me realise how strong us women are for living with abuse. I was in despair last week and didn’t think I was strong enough to get through this, but today I have just contacted an estate agent to view a flat and that was after reading the supportive posts on here, it is such a breath of fresh air to have people actually being nice to you. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to find this forum, all of you lovely, strong supportive ladies are going to get me through this and I hope I can give some optimism back. Sending much love x*x

[Author]

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