New here finally out

[Hopefulbutterfly]

Hi everyone I’ve been in a volatile relationship for the past (detail removed by moderator) He is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. He has hit me kicked me punched me isolated me from friends and family. The final straw was him setting fire to my (detail removed by moderator) while my children and his were in the house. I called the police for the first time in our whole relationship and he has been removed from my house and he is not allowed near me or the address. I finally feel free although have moments I feel bad and guilty for him. How has everyone managed to get over that feeling ? Thank you for reading

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
Firstly may I say well done for getting out 👍 I had exactly the same guilt feelings etc but what you have to remember is this would have gone from bad to worse . It will take time but you will see how life can be so much better for you and your children . My abuser was also an alcoholic and used cocaine from time to time and when he used both together he was totally delusional , paranoid and extremely verbally abusive . You feel bad because you are a nice person but I doubt if he felt guilt or bad about doing what he did to you and your children. I wish you well and, again well done X

[Hopefulbutterfly]

Thank you for your reply. Its so hard. I’m in contact with his family as they witnessed his behaviour they have messaged me keeping me updated on his wellbeing. I wish him no harm and hope he gets the help he truly needs. His family have messaged and told me he is sorry and that he treated me and others badly and that he loves me. Pulled on my heart strings but I’ve got to keep my head strong and not let this pull the wool over my eyes. I’ve got to keep busy for myself and my children. I hope it gets easier. I’ve surrounded myself with family since it all and is helping.

[Gerbil]

That is so fantastic that he is out. Although it will be hard in the next few months…just think about how good it will feel not having him there!
Take care honey x

[Strongenough]

You’ve taken your first steps towards freedom, well done. I know its scary and you have so many confused emotions but as time goes on you will start to see things more clear. You and your children deserve peace and safety.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Hopefulbutterfly, well done in making that phone call, it can’t have been an easy decision. I’ve been away from my ex (detail removed by Moderator) years, divorced last year too, something I didn’t think I’d do just yet, but our decisions sometimes take wings of their own and they’re done cos they need to be done. Those feelings will subside eventually. And without any contact they’ll go quicker. I found facing those feelings instead of trying to run from them helped me. By running I mean keeping so busy I was too exhausted to think too long on him, but they do have a way of sneaking up on you, more so when your head hits the pillow, then you find you can’t breathe and you know that hearing his voice would just calm you down, but all that would do is open the door to more abuse. Especially now you stood up to him. You’re getting stronger the longer you don’t have any contact, please try and not have his relations pass on how he is, how sorry he is. They will become what’s called his flying monkeys. It’s quite amazing who they find to do that job for them, even their own children, who don’t realise they’re being manipulated. Best wishes and good luck and keep posting. Knowledge is power, the more you read about others stories and share yours, the more it’ll open your eyes to his behaviour. Alcohol and drugs don’t make him behave this way, being an abuser makes him this way.
Take care
IWMB 💞 💞

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