New here, in dark times

[Coffeemorn1234]

Hi everyone, so sad to hear some or the stories and journeys on here, makes me feel like I’m not alone! I was with my husband since (detail removed by Moderator) and I know I have endured emotional abuse probably since then. He’s always had a bad temper and can go from 0-100 within a second for no apparent reason. He’s always been controlling, not really liking if I go out depending on who I’m with depends on how much grief he’s gives me while I’m out. He puts me down, belittles me and speaks to me like absolute s**t. However, the years have rolled by and we have 2 children together and live in a rented house. Our kids are teenagers now (detail removed by Moderator) and (detail removed by Moderator). I’ve turned (detail removed by Moderator) last year and the older I get the more I realise that I don’t deserve his treatment, especially as the kids are older now and see how he treats me. I don’t want them to think it’s okay because mom puts up with it. It came to a head after a gruelling (detail removed by Moderator) years of back and forth, arguments, drug revelations and constant torture in my own head. I left our home but my kids are still there, he refuses to leave. They are safe there and it’s their home, they are happy there. I’ve been back every day and taken my kids out, seen them, in constant contact with them. (detail removed by Moderator). However, I want to live and take care of my children like I always have.
I want to know if anyone else has been in my situation of having to leave without the kids. He continues to abuse me, threaten me and now threatening to take his own life if I don’t go back. I’m in such an impossible situation, as he is refusing to leave the home and always has.
Sorry this is lengthy, I hope someone can give me some light in this dark time.
Thank you and love to you all.

[HOLLYBunch01]

Hi, I am new here too. My first marriage broke down due to physical and verbal abuse, I had (detail removed by Moderator) children with him and although I initially left with the children, they did end up going to live with him and his new wife. This broke me, I saw them (detail removed by Moderator) until I remarried and he did not like my husband. False allegations were made and I lost contact with them.
Now my second marriage has ended due to coercive control. However, I am back in contact with my son.
I guess my advice to myself had I the opportunity to go through this period again would be fight for the children. There are so many organisations to help, support and advise.
I am back here due to a family member’s behaviour triggering those feelings I had tried so hard to move on from. Back to looking over my shoulder, varying my route and double locking the front door.
Apologies for the length but felt it was important to give context.
Here if you want to ‘talk’.
Take care

[Tryingtolovemyself]

Hey
I’m new to this and still working it out but here goes. I was in a mentally abusing relationship with an addict for  (removed by moderator). Our relationship broke down due to me reaching my limit. Him sharing explicit photos definitely helped. The police were involved and he went to prison. The silence was so loud during this time. I hated every minute of it. He was released last (removed by moderator) and we kept our distance for a while. I kept reaching out as the pull back towards him I couldn’t stop. We started a relationship again for (removed by moderator). It didn’t take long for the abuse to start again. He is now back in custody. I’m totally lost and feel so much guilt. I don’t know if I’m ready to accept what is happening. How can you hate someone but love them the same? He has changed me entirely as a person. I’m not sure I’ll ever trust again. I don’t know where to turn for support and the future is so unknown it scares me.
Desperate to not feel I’m in this alone.
Sending love.

[Itisme]

Hi Everyone.
I’m new here too. I came here to find some answers on how to deal with my own emotions and feelings under constant emotional abuse and manipulation. I still have to live with him in the same house for some time before we can separate and sometimes I feel so frustrated and angry because I don’t know how to behave anymore.
There are some unhealthy lifestyle habits involved in his life which has caused a lot of problems in our relationship but he is not accepting that he has issues. He becomes unpredictable and can be physically aggressive under the influence. He’s turning everything against me, name-shaming, ignoring me when I am asking for answers, and gaslighting me.
The worst part is that his mother lives next door to us and comes to the rescue every time she hears we have an argument. When I ask her not to get involved, she literally laughs in my face which basically pours more fuel into the fire, no respect from both sides at all.
My daughter does not stand him because he has been extremely rude to her – again name shaming, showing disrespect and being just so unpleasant with her when he is in a bad mood.
Then there are days when he shows that he cares which gives me hope as if we could maybe sort out some of the problems, and then, like a twisted story…. that hope dies again.
I need to survive in this house until I can move, but I can say that my emotions are messed up and sometimes I just don’t know what to do or how to respond to him without giving out that I am upset or angry.
He definitely takes pleasure from the moments when I am not in control of my emotions as this is his chance to point the finger at me and call me crazy – telling me I should seek help.

[StrongLife]

Go to a lawyer. I’ve been in a similar position and you need to do this ASAP.

Things may escalate. Please be safe

Thanks

[charmed]

Hi strong ladies I’m new here don’t know if I’m posting in the right place but I’m normally wrong so most likely. I really don’t know what to do so I’ll just say and see. I’ve been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) we used to have happy times but very few now he drinks a lot everyday it’s getting so hard to even have a conversation with him if I try to talk he cuts me off, shouts over me or gets annoyed and aggressive to the point where he’s in my face with a weird look in his eyes spitting as he shouts. So I try to avoid talking when he’s drinking that doesn’t go well I try to talk to him when he’s not drinking I get ignored told I don’t know what I’m talking about he tells me to talk to him about anything when I do he gets really angry so I back off (detail removed by moderator). I used to be a strong happy person now I just feel like nothing to anyone except my kids I’m just trying to hold on but I never know what I’ve actually done to upset him it’s so confusing the dirty looks one word answers or storming off to bed without saying good night. I suffer with mental health (detail removed by moderator) now I don’t feel comfortable taking about it with him because he will use it against me at some point and I’m feeling very vulnerable right now like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff and I do one thing wrong and I’ll fall but I don’t know what wrong is with him anymore he hates I won’t talk to him about it but talk to professionals and for the last 3 days has been trying to get me to talk about it with his mum well I’m not doing that cuz obviously she will tell him. I’ve gave up now I haven’t eaten for weeks I can’t take anymore I give up no point in fighting I don’t have the strength anymore he has threatened to end his life twice (detail removed by moderator) so I have to be careful not to upset him or he will do it. Help me someone please xx

[lover of no contact]

Welcome to the Survivors Forum Hollybunch01, Tryingtobemyself, itisme and charmed and Coffeemorn1234,

You are all in the right place. Being on the receiving end of these behaviours and living with them is too much for any of us. I became an emotional, mental and spiritual wreck. They would drive you insane. You will get so much strength from reading the posts on here and sharing your experience with us. There’s strength in numbers. Keep coming back.Just want you to know you’re all not alone in dealing with this.

[charmed]

Lover of no contact thank you for the reply. I have definitely found help in reading the posts and today I have realised that although when I’m at home with him I am alone but when he’s gone bed I can come here and know completely that I am not. So many of us feeling the same xx

[lover of no contact]

Hi charmed, yes gather as many supports around you as you can. There are many Al-Anon zoom meetings throughout the world for families, friends and loved ones dealing with abusers who also use alcohol. I used both supports Al- Anon face to face meetings and coming on here. I also used 2 other free counselling services. We can’t change them one bit but we can get as much support as we can and it will make all the difference. Knowledge is Power💕

[lover of no contact]

Hi charmed, yes gather as many supports around you as you can. Also there are many Al-Anon zoom meetings throughout the world for families, friends and loved ones dealing with abusers who also use alcohol. I used both supports Al- Anon face to face meetings and coming on here. I also used 2 other free counselling services. You could use the online chat service here. We can’t change them one bit but we can get as much support as we can and it will make all the difference. Knowledge is Power💕

[charmed]

Hi lover of no contact, the online chat would work better for me as he often puts recording devices or cameras around when he’s not here, very cleaver though as he covers the sensors so I don’t know when he’s accessing it at work or in bed.I honestly haven’t figured out if he’s just an alcoholic or is mentally abusing me to,I might do a post later seeing as I’m not allowed to (detail removed by Moderator) xx

[charmed]

lover of no contact, thank you x

[Author]

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