26th May 2021 at 1:05 pm #126360
Hi I’m new here and don’t know where to start.
Me and my ex husband split a while ago, he mentally and emotionally abused me to the point where I completely lost who I was. We have children together however he has let them down numerous times and I’ve recently had to stop conatct because he has told people he is going to take them and he’s also assaulted a few of his girlfriends. I’ve blocked his number but he still continues trying to contact me. Its making my life hell and I’m struggling so much with anxiety to the point I can’t breathe. I can’t take much more, I’m trying to be strong for my family but feel like I’m falling apart and living my life scared.
26th May 2021 at 8:48 pm #126373LisaMain Moderator
Hi Gym mama
Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be. It sounds like you have done the right thing by stopping the contact, it doesn’t sound safe.
Sorry to hear that you are struggling and feeling scared, it may be a good idea to speak to your GP about how you are feeling. Do you think you could consider contacting the police? If you call 101, you can ask if there is a domestic abuse unit and they will hopefully have specially trained officers who can help to keep you safe.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Take care and please keep posting,
27th May 2021 at 7:53 pm #126395OceanParticipant
Hi Gym mama,
I’m sorry you are going through this.
I know the stress too.
Stay strong, you might not feel strong, but you are.
Meditation can help when the stress hits hard. Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth.
The police were really understanding and seemed well educated on the dynamics of domestic abuse. Your ex doesn’t need to know you contacted the police, and they can guide you in the right direction for support.
I hope you get the help you need xx
27th May 2021 at 10:40 pm #126402EggshellsParticipant
Hi Gym Mama,
Welcome to the forum. I’m so sorry to hear about the circumstances that brought you here.
What a courageous, strong and amazing woman you are. You managed to get out and you are doing a fantastic job of keeping your children safe. I’m not surprised you’re feeling exhausted, it sounds draining.
There isn’t really much that I can add to the advice that you’ve been given. I was wondering if there is any way that you can get away for a few days over the weekend or half term – perhaps to family or friends?
It sounds like you could fo with a few days of pure escape to re-energise.
30th May 2021 at 7:26 am #126475
Thank you so much for the support. We have attempted mediation a few times but I’ve always ended up giving in to what he wants then he doesn’t stick to it. I contacted mediation again and explained the situation and they said because of everything that has gone on and how scared I am at the minute, they don’t really think it’s right for me to go through that. I just want my children happy and safe, I can’t take the risk of them being taken from me and I don’t ever want them to be put in a situation where they see or hear any sort of abuse. I don’t have much confidence at the minute and every day I just think- I want to feel like me again, I want to show my daughter how to be a strong independent woman and to accept who she is. I don’t want my kids to see me breaking down and being afraid.
2nd June 2021 at 9:33 am #126546Living WarriorParticipant
I wouldn’t go through mediation hun, as as a victim of domestic violence its just more risk to you. There is no point as these men don’t want to give anything back so there is never a compromise. Anyone trained in dv will instantly tell you the same. It doesn’t work when one person sees themselves as higher over another.
I had this when I left.
I had to contact police about stalking and harrassment, I didn’t think it was that but yes, constant texts email and calls that are unwanted is harrassment. I was told to send an email or text (written proof) that the relationship was over and I did not want to be contacted again.. then anything after that was evidence of harrassment. I have a non molestation order, a prohibited steps order stating he cannot take kids… he has parental rights so is legally able to take kids out of school or wherever and take them and not return them, luckily I had proof that he stated this and got the order stating I’m main carer and if he was to have contact he must return them..when arranged. This means if he doesn’t police can take the children and bring them back, and arrest him 4 kidnapping.
It sounds OTT I know I thought so too.. but it honestly saved my life..
Keep records of all ur msgs etc. Contact police and report everyone.. this builds up a timeliness which will show escalation, which can help in family court if he decides that’s where he gets u nxt.. (once he stops being able to contact u they usually try it over the legal route, if you have your evidence, he can’t touch you. All he will ever show is his sadistic behaviour.)
I know its hard. We are all here to listen and give advice. I would go to qomens aid, they were brilliant with me… knowledge is power.
Just keep building your foundation, eventually u will have a fortress he cannot penetrate… I’m nearly done with mine… not quite there yet 🙂
Good luck, sending strength and love.
If u want any advice feel free to msg me
2nd June 2021 at 4:40 pm #126575I love booksParticipant
Hi gym mama.
I am new too and I can relate to the anxious feeling.
I left (detail removed by moderator)
It’s not easy.
I am having a walk to try and relax.
I am putting a brave face on but emotions are all mixed up.
2nd June 2021 at 4:43 pm #126576I love booksParticipant
My partner is threatening to sell house at moment.
All my belongings are there still I managed to keep a car but as with everything else it is in his name.
He even controls money.
Sorry to waffle but I think maybe everyone feels like this at first.
4th June 2021 at 9:37 am #126648
I just feel like I have been more than reasonable and always put my children first. I can’t afford solicitors and I’ve been to different solicitors to get the half an hour free so I’m now out of options. I’m going to have to wait until he takes me to court ( not sure he will, he is selfish and greedy). It’s been years since we split and I thought things would get easier but the anxiety and stress is always there. My confidence is so low at the minute and I’ve had a few days where I’ve just wanted to give up but I know my children need me and I need to keep them safe.
Thank you for the support and letting me know that there are people who will listen.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.