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part one .Hi new here will it help I don’t no maybe long story to tell don’t no where to start first ex had number of kids we split up get on like mates .. fast forward (detail removed by Moderator) on got chatting to this man online I was Pg with my daughter but anyway we got on fab had an ex with 2 kids seemed lovely met got on fab before I knew it we were head over heels he’s travel (detail removed by Moderator) to see me and my kids it was a dream moved in (detail removed by Moderator) later everything was amazing then my child said he’d been awful my son had problems my fella denied any wrong doing the others loved him fast forward (detail removed by Moderator) I had my lg he seemed fab went on to have a few more don’t get me wrong I had problem first he had my bank cardall the time and money would go missing when I’d question it I got a well u have proof of what I’ve got but it didn’t make sense but his answers seemed legible. I’d find dating sites with his profile he claimed someone else had done it I’d question it saying well the picture your sat in my (detail removed by Moderator) again explanations told me I was being silly and he’d never do that . Silly things like one day a(detail removed by Moderator) bill came I didn’t no it was I said oh here a letter he ripped it up and threw it odd so I put it together and was a credit card bill I confronted him and got shouted at saying I knew he’d got one and he’d told me prior I can’t remember if he did or not .. I started to feel o was going a bit mad but I was suffering from depression on and off so it prob was me . It got worse started to involve the children long story short he got removed (detail removed by Moderator) months ago being verbally abusive to all the kids even myolder ones physically aggressive to to them I found out to he did the same with his ex lying behaviours made to feel like she was mad abusive to the kids I thought I was strong and took nothing of anyone in my head I can’t get over how much of a mug he made of me I fell for everything trying to pick the pieces up the kids are now allowed unsupervised contact which I hate there’s so much more to tell the (detail removed by Moderator). He said it’s child support or the (detail removed by Moderator) that he pays for I have to take the (detail removed by Moderator) he no’s this I’ve lost everything just had to give up my dream job because childcare is gone to pit so asked him to help out told me no I have the (detail removed by Moderator) I offered the (detail removed by Moderator) back he called me a bxxxh not the first time every time I’ve confronted him over stuff the kids have said etc I got shouted at told me they were lying and calling me names he told me I was a bad mum and that I’d loose the kids have no job and he’d make sure I did it’s all coming true I’ve lost my job luckily social no I’m a good mum but I worry that I can’t cope financially now I’ve lost my job …. Sorry for going on xx .
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Hello Ladysurvivor,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us and welcome to the forum.
I’m sorry to hear what you have been through, it sounds like a really difficult and traumatic situation.
It’s very common for domestic abuse to escalate very gradually over time. It can be difficult to spot the warning signs and is easy to dismiss or minimise them when we are convinced by the mask abusers often wear. Slowly an abuser turns into a very different person over time, than who they were at the start of the relationship.
It sounds like this man has taken so much from you and affected your life in so many ways. It sounds like he was incredibly abusive and used gaslighting techniques to manipulate and control you. I imagine this has had a big impact and it’s good that you are able to reach out for support with things.
Have you been able to connect with a domestic abuse support service at all? It might be helpful to speak to them about what kind of practical help they can offer as well as potential counselling and emotional support. You can find your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Turn2Us may also be a good organisation to speak to in terms of the financial side of things: https://www.turn2us.org.uk/
Please do keep posting and let us know how you’re getting on.
Lisa
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