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We have just bought a new house that has been a bit of a disaster and needed a lot more work than we had anticipated. This has lead to his anger and the way he treats me. The house is all in my name due to his bad credit and I saved up the deposit myself by taking on a second job and working every day. His family gave me money towards but all of the money was given to me as he cannot be trusted as everyone knows he has an alcohol, cocaine and gambling addictions.
He is now holding this against me saying it is his house and my family are (detail removed by moderator) for not helping (my family could not afford to help). Since getting the house everyone in my family who we have had to stay with has commented on how badly he treats me and his drinking and how it is unfair how hard I work. I have been (detail removed by moderator) and trying to get things done in the house but I am exhausted and haven’t got enough done for him which has caused arguments, he has also promised me he was going to join (detail removed by moderator) but has came home from work screaming and threatening me for forcing him into it.
I have went through my phone where I have saved videos and pictures of when he has hit me or been verbally abusive and debating whether to send all of this to the police.
I just feel so alone and trapped. I know if we split up I will have to pay his family back which I cannot afford and I do not know what to do
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I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so bad and feeling so trapped and alone. I have to say that this house has not lead to his anger and the way he treats you. His need to control you has lead to his anger and the way he treats you. The house might have made it a bit worse, but difficult situations don’t turn people into abusers. Nor do drugs, alcohol or gambling. There are plenty of people with addictions who aren’t abusive. You have done nothing to cause the abuse. It’s all about him.
Other will be better able to advise on going to the police. My advice would be to make sure you’re safely away from him before you do it. Could you agree with his family a payment plan for the money they lent you? Legally I don’t think there’s anything they can do if they lent you money and want it back, especially if you can show that you are trying to pay them back. I know can feel really hopeless but there is a way out. And it’s ok it it feels impossible at the moment. You will find a way out. xxxx
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Hey there, you’re not going to be able to get out of this alone. Get some free legal advice about having him removed from the property. Most solicitors offer free initial consultation. An exclusion or occupation order. A non molestation order. Talk to the police and see what they say. Don’t tell him what you’re doing but it’s very clear he’s never going to change and things are going to get way worse. Don’t worry about repaying his family yet. Just get yourself safe first x
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So sorry you’re going through this, your story sounds so similar. This might sound harsh but just looking at this from a legal perspective then if I read it right and the house is in your name he has no rights to stay there. Getting him to accept that will be the issue so stay safe. The money from his family, again this will sound harsh but unless they drew up a contract or loan then they’d struggle to prove you owe them anything but please get some legal advice to be sure! Drink and drugs on top of abuse are awful to live with,I hope you get some calm in your life again soon xx
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Thank you for all of your advice. The problem is he won’t leave, he says this house was bought by his family (which it wasn’t I saved the money on my own but they did help pay for renovations). I just don’t know what to do I’m not brave enough to walk away and I know I would be better alone but something always stops me
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