New life at my age?

[Secret6]

I would love to hear experiences of women of my age who successfully moved on from an abusive (controlling)relationship. I’m (detail removed by Moderator), retired,and will, if I achieve it, be almost (detail removed by Moderator) when I get away. Am I crazy to think I can do this? It’s so terrifying but I really want to believe I can.

[sweet4]

Me just turned (detail removed by Moderator) in (detail removed by Moderator) and you are not crazy, life is to be for happines, not to look after a man a man baby, well thats what i was doing.

[Rose1]

I’m just (detail removed by Moderator) and since the pandemic my husbands working life has changed, and so has he. He’s become unpredictable volatile and abusive. Trying to navigate it has impacted my well being, to the point I both dread and fear him. The longer you stay the more it chips away. Now, if I ask him to be pleasant and ‘not make a scene’ he says I’m dominating him..I can’t win..there’s only one way to take control and I’m desperately trying to build up my courage to move on after many years

[browneyedmum]

Hi @Secret6 !

Yes you can.

For myself, I re-skilled into work and am now working with (detail removed by Moderator) at my old wisdomed age. Right now, UK gov’t is so very desperate to get women our age back into the workforce especially in specific industries where our wisdom around managing relationships both within companies and with customers and vendors is a lost art, but one we’ve won with years of experience. There are several free re-skilling programmes that help women our age into good paying jobs. Yes, we can learn new things and prosper off of our well earned wisdom.

It’s not without trade-offs however.

I’m looking at having to take on a mortgage at this age, once things line up and I take myself and my children to a new home.

I’m looking at having to work until I’m 75. I’m sorta okay with that… it’ll keep me engaged, always learning, and mentoring great talented youth. I’m pretty well considered the ‘Mum’ where I work, where the most senior leadership in our company pauses to hear what I say. I’ve got a couple of colleagues in our age range who I’ve buddy’d up with as well, and we support one another.

That’s been a very empowering counter point to the coercion, minimisation, etc., that I experience with my ex where he’s okay to reducing me to feeling like I’m nothing rather than appreciating me for who I am.

I’m still in the process of leaving. It’s going to take several years to completely absolve myself of my ex, if at all… since we share children. But my ex is out of the matrimonial home now, without any intention to return. I’m still working through untangling our finances and obligations to one another before actually filing for the divorce. It’s all baby steps, along the way.

However, I am so looking forward to being in my own space and actually ‘owning’ it after so many years of being diminished, so many years where he tried to make me believe that I couldn’t survive without him.

I guess that’s his Christmas gift to me — realising I can not only survive but then also thrive and help our children thrive as well — even though he tries to apply one set of golden handcuffs after another.

No, I am regaining my agency and my autonomy.

And yes you can too.

[Secret6]

This is such a positive post and really just the sort of thing I need to hear. It’s wonderful you achieved this. I’m feeling very down today and want to give up and seeing this is such a good thing
Thank you

[Secret6]

This is such a positive post and really just the sort of thing I need to hear. It’s wonderful you achieved this. I’m feeling very down today and want to give up and seeing this is such a good thing
Thank you

[browneyedmum]

<3 <3 <3. Lifting you. Here’s to a better year than last, either way.

[weather]

Dear Browneyedmum,
It is so reassuring to read your message. I also had to retrain and am so thankful that I was able to; as I’d be homeless and jobless right now if I hadn’t. Apart from the severe bouts of C-PTSD and loneliness, I’m not doing too badly. It’s been a very long time since I’ve been out of my domestic situation and there have been so many obstacles since I left. But, as you mention, it’s been empowering and I never thought I could’ve done it so many years ago. I had lost who I was and only realised my self-worth once I decided to leave. It’s very challenging and scary to leave at any age from DV and more so when you’ve been informed of how worthless you are, which is a form of gaslighting by the perpetrator, who only wishes to feed off your inner power. I now live and work in a place where I never thought I’d end up and I will also have to work past 60, if my health allows.

I hope you and Secret6 continue to gain your agency and autonomy, as I have.

[browneyedmum]

I will! Just gotta go through the process /sigh. Thank you for sharing your story @weather !

[Watersprite]

Yea there is always time – it’s never too late. Not easy and not perfect but safe and free. Don’t think they get better take care x

[Author]

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