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Hi New Life,
I am starting another thread to reply, as I don’t seem to be able to add to your last thread today about your ex’s financial bullying.
Even before I read the later posts including the outcome, I was very worried for you and wanted to yell you to be very careful.
My ex behaved in the same way. He began going me cask handouts for shopping, a few weeks before he left, so soften me up, and then he left and wouldn’t discuss details, just said he couldn’t afford to pay child maintenance ( he earns masses ).
When I told him I was divorcing him, he tried to get me to phone him or meet to ‘discuss things reasonably’ and – note- he wanted to meet alone. This is because they know we are soft and gentle people, and they think we will be easily manipulated by them.
Your ex’s true self and intentions have come out: greed. Mine did too. When I refused to meet and when he lied at mediation, and I told him I was going to get a solicitor and do things legally , I got all kinds of threats which ended up in me getting an injunction against him.
Turns out he had loads of financial secrets and the financial abuse was severe, and he was just trying to bully me into silence and subservience so he could get it all.
It is important that you involve the services of professionals here, since they know all the games and tactics characteristic of these bullying perpetrators. As victims, we are vulnerable.
I have a number of friends who are divorced who say that they wish they had enlisted the help of professionals and not given into their ex’s manipulative demands for ‘private and unsolicited talks’ because it is only now, years down the line, that they realise they were duped. At the time, emotions can cloud our judgement, and abusers are brilliant manipulators.
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Hi Serenity – so lovely to hear from you – I was worried as I hadn’t seen you popping up with your brilliant advice! Thank you so much – I spoke to WA yesterday – by chance as they phoned to check up on me and see how things were going – they were very concerned that I had met him. I don’t know why I did really but anyway I did and now I am regretting it – I have’t agreed to anything though but he has now got the hump because I haven’t given in to his demands – his usual manipultative behaviour hasn’t worked – but he has still got in my head but hopefully I have learn’t (again!) that he will never change. The extend of our financial issues is awful but it is only money and at least I am away from him now – he is now threatening not to pay the mortgage so that we/I will also have a bad credit rating forever. It is all his way or no way and I am fed up of it so I am ignoring now 🙂
Felt really low yesterday that I had been ‘duped’ again but feeling brighter today x
Hope you are well and things are calming down for you a bit?! x
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