New man paying price for old relationship

[Janedoeissad]

I’ve been with my new man some time now. He’s the opposite to my ex in so many ways. He’s very reserved and he never sees any reason to raise his voice.

Sometimes he’ll have a joke with me and I’ll just assume he’s being serious and my anxiety will sky rocket and I’ll burst into tears. I know for certain he’s joking as his actions show what he said is a joke. I’d love to laugh and give as good as he does but a lot of the time I just get triggered. I hate that he is paying for someone else’s mistskes. He’s very supportive when I get upset. Any suggestions?

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel,
That’s fantastic you have found a new relationship that is healthy and supportive
The best advice I could give you is that you have to deal with the past before you can truly move on
Unless you do this you are not being fair to him or most importantly yourself
Think how it would be if it was the other way round … relationships need to be equal and open to work
This maybe something you include him in or it maybe something you need to do alone like seeing a counselor
Start doing the self love and self care work, understand why you are the way you are ….this way you will reinforce that you are worthy of this man and this relationship
He sounds like a loving and patient man… dont let him slip away for a reason that happened before you were even together
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks Darcy

I have had counselling. We’ve even discussed this issue and come up with things I can do. The fear kicks in so fast I don’t have time to think or implement what I should be doing.

Even my partner has agreed to the things me and my counsellor have put in place but I still immediately think the worst. Then get upset. Its not all the time and I have got better but when it does happen I get so mad at myself

[Darcy]

I agree with Wants to Help … its a daily practice
Anything worth having takes time and anything worth having that is good is a skill that needs mastering
I have been away from my ex for several years now but everyday is a daily practice of reminding myself how strong I have been, how I can get through things and that no day is ever as bad as it was with him
You wont get a six pack over night … its the same with training you mind
However put the time in and the results will be rewarding
Dont give up or be put off by a bad day … you can overcome this
D xx

[Wants To Help]

An odd bit of information I read the other day was…

“Did you know it takes around 10,000 hours to master a skill?”

I think you’re doing the best you can at the moment; you are having counselling and trying to put things in place to make things better, and I guess it’s nowhere near 10,000 hours?!

These things take time, but in time you will get there. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If your new man is understanding and knows you are trying your best to come to terms with the past that is great. You are not at fault here, you are healing, and healing is a process. The only thing I would suggest is that if at any point you start to feel that he is getting irritated or impatient then have the strength and courage to walk away from this relationship so that you can focus on healing yourself by yourself. He cannot heal you but he can give you space to help you heal yourself. If he won’t give you that space then his presence in your life will make you feel worse.

Have faith, believe in yourself that you can get through this because you will.

xx

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