New member confused scared

[Confusedcarol]

I got out of a short term relationship where he had a lot of control but I never saw it till I got out, he said I was paranoid and things were in my head and this made my mental health dip. But my biggest issue just now is that the last time I was with him I consented to activity’s but then didn’t feel comfortable so said stop twice he didn’t listen I then tried to push him off but I was on my tummy so he said it’s ok and pushed my back down on the bed. I eventually got free and cried quietly into the pillow. The next morning I said u hurt me and u wouldn’t stop when I said. He said sorry.
Now I’m feeling guilty, ashamed, fear, like it’s my fault or maybe I’m over exaggerating I want to report it but I know he will react badly and aggressively. I fear he will try coming to my house or contacting me. I fear being made out to be a liar. I’m very confused.

[iwillbeok]

Oh hon, I am so sorry you are going through this horrible, experience. I know first hand how confusing and painful it can be. Please phone Women’s aid – they are angels on earth! They will help you with resources and help you decide what you want to do next. Please, please tell someone – WA, GP, rape crisis. These abusers thrive in silence. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be safe.

You’ve made the first step reaching out om here. You will find this site is the most supportive, caring place. We will help you through this.

Xx iwillbeok

[KIP.]

Hi, what he did was wrong. Can you contact your local women’s aid? There is a helpline number on here too if you want to speak to someone, they’re very nice and won’t pressurise you. You could also try the rape crisis helpline number or find your local rape crisis centre. You must be quite traumatised but none of this is your fault. You have the right to say no at any time and for your wishes to be respected. I used to minimise the sexual assaults, it’s how we cope with trauma. If you have a supportive GP you could talk to them. Or ring the domestic abuse police on 101 and ask for advice. One thing I know is that we cannot deal with these men alone. They thrive on our silence. Block his number but keep any texts or email evidence you may have. I felt shame for years until I realised that the shame was all his. The Fear and Guilt is often what stops us from speaking up. The police were really good with me. They were very understanding. You can also use ‘Claire’s Law’ and ask the police if this man has any previous convictions or has been investigated before. A lot of the time they are repeat offenders x hang in there and keep posting x

[Confusedcarol]

I phoned woman’s aid but it was eating at me I went to the local police station and sat outside but eventually took the steps and gave a full statement. It was the hardest thing ever to do I was a right mess but it’s done now and I feel better for it. Just having someone not emotionally involved really helped and let me see the truth in what he did.
I was sexually abused as a child and he knew this. So I knew it had to come out as I saw what it did to Me in later life xx

[Lisa]

Hi Confusedcarol,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the support you are looking for here. Well done for reaching out to other Survivors and for going to the police, it must have taken so much courage to give the statement.

Do you have any support in place? If talking things through would help then the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline is available on 0808 2000 247. The Helpline Workers will listen and discuss your options based on your circumstances. It is a busy service but there is a voicemail to request a call back if you are unable to get through. You can find your local service here for ongoing emotional and practical support. Rape Crisis can also support you, details can be found here.

Keep posting to us when you can; we are here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Confusedcarol]

Thank you so much. Yeah I’ve tried the national helpline it’s so hard to get through but can’t leave a message as it’s hard at home with the kids. My youngest has asd so it’s very demanding so time out is when I can. I’ve 3rd day of interview 2moro it is really difficult and I’m trying my best. I saw him up the road from my dads earlier as he is a delivery driver. First I’ve saw him he never saw me, I ran in to my dads house in such panic but didn’t want him to see me or me to face him it was too much. I’m an emotional wreck just now but I need to do this as I won’t wake in ten years time to realise I regret not doing it.
Thank you all I’ll keep posting as I can maybe it will help people fight and know others are feeling that way too and it’s normal.

I have local women’s aid and I’m gonna use sexual health rape services. I’ve contacted them and hoping I can get some counselling through this. But 2moro I’ll have my options on support with the liaison officer who has been assigned to me xxxx

[Author]

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