New, realisation he is a n********t

[Fluffybunnies]

Hello

I Managed to physically leave my husband (detail removed by moderator)yrs ago and after over a year in therapy I’ve finally come to realise what was going off for all those years before and since leaving.
I’ve always felt that the abuse word was too dramatic and still do a bit as I’m writing this as I know that some people have it so much worse.

anyway I’ve started divorce proceedings and a friend put me in contact with her friend who has just been going through the same process with a n**********c husband and she recommended this charity and so has the solicitor.

Finding some of the paperwork that happened (detail removed by moderator)yrs ago brought things back to my brain and talking it out with people has made me realise what he was doing with the control, hell I’d ask if I could go to the toilet cannot even tell you when that started 🙈

so now house hunting and planning my escape (I was (detail removed by moderator) to stay in this house till my daughter (detail removed by moderator) long story how that all happened) its a mix of emotions but with each step im feeling stronger and more like the person I was 20yrs ago if not a bit better then that person I use to be.

If my story or process or ear helps someone else then that would be wonderful. I’m a little bit odd probably a bit Marmite, I’m dyslexic and have adhd then the trauma from childhood and marriage, so sometimes see things in a funky way 😬🙈😆

Not sure how much we can say about our lives but I have horses and dogs who have been my rocks over the years.

Well that’s me in a nutshell nice to meet you all x

[Lisa]

Hello Fluffybunnies,

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and offer some support on your first post. Thank you for sharing what you are going through with us.

It sounds like you’ve been through so much. It’s very common for women who are experiencing abuse to minimise it at the time it is taking place, as the abuse escalates slowly over time and is often normalised or denied by the abuser. It can be really confusing and leaves us doubting ourselves and questioning if it is ‘that bad’, as you mentioned.

It’s great that having therapy has helped you to recognise the damaging behaviour of your ex, he sounds very controlling and coercive – feeling the need to ask to go to the toilet is not normal within a healthy relationship.

It’s also important not to excuse or dismiss the abuse with speculative mental health disorders. We believe that perpetrators of abuse are fully responsible for their abusive behaviour. They know what they are doing and they are making a choice to behave that way.

I wonder if the Freedom Programme could be a useful resource for you, it explores the dynamics of domestic abuse and some of the beliefs abusers hold, many women find it helpful in coming to terms with their experience: https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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