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I’ve been in a relationship with a new partner for (detail removed by moderator) I’ve fought so hard not to fall in love with him, but I have!! 🙈 He’s aware of everything I’ve been through. The abuse, the cheating etc and he has been so understanding and caring.
I’ve honestly had the best (detail removed by moderator) of my life with him and most importantly I feel safe with him!
Here’s the but. There’s a lingering ex from years ago! He’s been very open about previous relationships, but this particular woman still seems to be on the radar! She messaged him when we were away and I did raise my concerns with him, but he reassured me that there was nothing to worry about!
She was his hairdresser in the past. Anyway, he had his hair cut and told me he went to the salon. I then found out she had been to his house and cut his hair. I am deeply upset he would lie! He said he only didn’t say anything after my concerns previously.
Now everything with my ex husband has come flooding back! The cheating, the constant messaging other woman and I can’t get that out of my head. 🙈
Am I right to react the way I have. I’ve told him that’s it! But I honestly don’t know if I’ve done the right thing?
I’ve never once thought he’d cheat on me and I still believe that he wouldn’t, but a relationship is built on trust and once that is broken is there any going back? -
Hi Pinkheart, If there’s nothing to hide then why lie to you? And more over, to blame your past concerns as a reason to lie is massive red flag. If he was truly comfortable with his ex and they get on now as friends that’s great right, but to deceive you into believing he went to the shop rather than being up front and just telling you the truth, no wonder you’re triggered to memories of your abusive ex.. you have been seeing him for some months now, has he asked for you and his ex to meet? If they are friends surely you would meet her after all these months?
Has he asked you to meet her?
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I’m sorry, that really sucks.
But why would she need to cut his hair at his house? Is she a mobile haridresser? Sounds like there is a shop so, really what was the reason…
You had concerns, which he decided to ignore and have her in his house, and then not tell you and lie about it.. doesn’t sound like he is respecting your conerns.
Not very nice at all.
Well done on ending it like that with the first red flag! That takes alot of courage, especially with what we have all been through.
Have a deep think about any other red flags there may have been. You may find more.
x*x -
Thank you both for responding. This is an ex from over 10 years ago!! No kids together. Never married, so I’m not really sure why they still have the connection?
Yes, she’s a mobile hairdresser and abit of a ‘tease’ his words…He said he doesn’t trust her one bit and is at peace with the fact the relationship ended and would never go back there again.
But still speaks to her. Definitely the reason why previous relationships before me have never lasted.
It’s also laughable that she’s married with kids now.
Trying to understand the male brain is mentally draining!!! -
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The fact is you’re not comfortable with him being this close with an ex and not being open/honest about their interactions. That’s your choice and he either accepts that, or you discuss a happy for both of you to compromise, or you walk away. Same choice for him, if he doesn’t like the options he can walk away. Unfortunately feelings kick in and it’s not that easy is it but as you say once trust is broken it’s hard if not impossible to restore. Really look at his reaction to your upset – is he genuinely upset that’s he’s hurt you, is he looking to work with you to fix it, or is he gaslighting you, making out you’re the problem etc? Hope you’re ok x
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