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hi,
Left my second back t0 back emotionally abusive relationship (detail removed by Moderator) ago. Fled with just what I could carry and my son, thankfully to parents home.
Started a new relationship (detail removed by Moderator) ago. I’m worried I’ve picked another abusive a*****e. I’ve done half the freedom programme and read lots on the subject but still not sure if my radar is dodgy.
He’s very charismatic, very accomplished in bed and quite romantic BUT just in the last few weeks I’ve found occasions where I have that familiar feeling of walking on eggshells, found him trying to parent my son, and on one occasion was a little too rough during sex. This weekend he’s been emotionally unavailable, left me doing all the cooking,cleaning and parenting (his son too) while he lazed around. He has seemed on edge and at one point he picked the dog up (his) and threw it across the room.
I’ve done it again haven’t I? -
Hi snowwhitedrifted
Trust your gut instincts. If it dont seem.right you will know hun ..to throw a pet across the room is animal abuse there is no need
If you feel like your are a slave to his needs i would call it a day hun ..
Work on yourself more stay strong x
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Either that you give it more time hun
..it’s always the kids that suffer
… but if the signs are there i would run
But that’s me hun .Do whats best for you ok
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Throwing a pet across the room is a huge red flag. No wonder youre walking on eggshells. Do not minimise that kind of violent behaviour. You know what comes next. Time to get out. Work on yourself and your family and make sure you tell him its over in a public place. His reaction will confirm your gut feeling. You deserve better. Mine was all charming and charismatic in the beginning. Setting a huge trap. His mask is slipping…..
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To throw an animal across a room is cruelty to animals and shows violent and abusive tendencies. I hate to say it but my abusive ex was also charismatic, accomplished in bed and at times rough during sex.
It could be that you are getting drawn in by the initial charm and charisma, I too have dated several men who started off like this and ended up getting controlling and abusive, with the last one being the scariest. It’s so awful when you realise you have chosen yet another one like it when all you want is a healthy relationship.
Could it be that these men remind you of a primary caregiver from your childhood? I’m hoping to figure out my pattern in therapy. For me I’ve noticed I look for men who are like my brother, who was abusive to me in childhood. It’s like the subconscious is trying to find the same sort of person to ‘put right’ the past and ‘finally get the love’ we crave from this caregiver but of course it never works. I believe it’s possible to change these patterns though, I certainly hope to!
Have you had any therapy after your previous abusive relationships to help you identify patterns etc?
I would say definitely trust your gut about this man and seek out therapy if possible.
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Hi Hun
He threw the dog accross the room? What does that say about him. THink ladies are right this is a big red flag. If he can do that to an animal, sorry to say but it sounds like your be next, that just flash up a as a big timidaation sign, that would make me feel reallky uncomfortable. Yes a lot of these abusers are good in bed to begin with , tillit becomes just about their needs. Iknow u say kidss will miss out on holiday but u will save your sanity and self, which im sure is more important. Yes you will miss him, so will kids, but this is part of break up cycle, get ou tnow b4 u get more attached
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Snowwhitedrifted
That is the best descion hun .. work on yourself now xx
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