New relationship Anxiety

[Pinkheart]

I’ve been in a new relationship for a while now. The first serious relationship since leaving my abusive ex husband. I knew it was going to be tough, and always said to myself I’d never be with another man again, but here I am!!
I just feel so anxious all the time. When we’re together it’s great and we have the best time, but when we’re apart I find myself overthinking and my anxiety sky rockets.
The person I’m with now is lovely and amazing with my children, but a few months into the relationship I found him texting an ex and everything came flooding back…😭 We worked through things and the relationship has gone from strength to strength, but I just can’t get over this horrible feeling I have and it’s really getting to me now.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I think the incident hasn’t helped at all. Whenever my boyfriend is on his phone I’m on pins. It’s hard to move forward as I’m riddled with ptsd of being cheated on all the time.
I just don’t know if this level of anxiety is normal or even worth it?
I do love him, but I’ve also learnt since leaving an abusive relationship to build up a wall very quickly and shut my feelings down no matter how much I care about someone. That is the same for family and friends too.
The fear of being trapped, used and humiliated is killing me!!!

[Lisa]

Hello Pinkheart,

Thank you for sharing this with us, I’m really sorry to hear that you are experiencing this anxiety and these insecurities within your new relationship. It makes a lot of sense that you might feel this way considering what you’ve been through, but it’s also important that you feel completely safe in this relationship. Do you feel comfortable to speak to your partner about your experience and how his behaviour might be triggering for you?

Would it be helpful to speak to someone else about how you’re feeling? If so, the Counselling Directory might be a useful resource, you can search specifically for a professional with experience and knowledge of domestic abuse.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Pinkheart]

Thank you for responding.
Yes I do feel safe with him, but I just feel like I sound like a broken record all the time. it’s difficult explaining how I’m feeling sometimes to someone who doesn’t fully understand domestic abuse and the lasting damage it really has on an individual.
A couple of times I’ve pushed him away and ended things. I’m trying not to hit the self destruct button…Again!!
I’ve had counselling three times, but still can’t shake this anxiety.
It’s affecting my sleep now plus when I’m really anxious my (detail removed by moderator) starts to creep back again.
He does tell me to try and stop (detail removed by moderator) and to open up to tell him what’s bothering me, but I just can’t.

[StrongLife]

Sorry this is happening.

I too would suggest counseling. Couples counseling too.

I have not established a relationship as yet. The closest I came was chatting to a guy I knew over Covid. I too get triggered. I’m not sure there what to do. As I do not have a guy at this time I’m concentrating on my self. I have met guys and did chat to one but it ended up going nowhere. No much luck with guys and it’s really more to do with no interest from my side.

[Author]

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