New relationship, red flag?

[AhinaiBai]

Hi everyone, I’m hoping you guys can give me some advice, am I overreacting or overthinking?
Recently I’ve started a new relationship, and it’s been absolutely fine. We had new years separately, he went out with friends and bumped into a girl from school. They caught up and she tried it on. He said no. Yay!
His friend on the other hand- who knows about me- said  (detail removed by Moderator). He says he didn’t and I believe him. If I’m honest I don’t think I’m being naive there.
How worried should I be about his friend? As I’m getting flashbacks to my previous relationship, where our mutual friends convinced me to go back to my abuser. And I can’t help seeing the start of a pattern.
What do you think?

[Lisa]

Hi AhinaiBai,

Thank you for posting and sharing your concerns with us, I imagine some of our forum users will be along soon with their thoughts. I would encourage you to be cautious and listen to your instinct; if something doesn’t feel right it often isn’t. Starting to keep a diary might help you to recognise any concerning patterns of behaviour. It might also be that you need a bit more time to process your previous relationship and establish your boundaries before you’re able to feel secure in another.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma through the organisation Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

You could also look into attending a Freedom Programme which can really help with learning to recognise red flags.

Keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi AhinaiBai

I believe in trusting your instincts, if something feels off its normally for good reason.

Its also easier to want to believe the one you have most invested in, your new relationship. So, as you are getting triggers, and its bringing up the past for you, go carefully in your own time. There may be a lot of unresolved trauma from your previous relationship that could be triggered by a new relationship, especially when it comes to boundaries.

Do follow your own feelings, be true to yourself and keep your boundaries.

warmest wishes

ts

[StrongLife]

I have tried relationships but they did not work out. They lasted short while. I was getting bad guy.
It all seemed to much or guy mysteriously has lady that he tells you of. I go out socialising but no guys.

I am wondering if you have friend or therapist you can discuss this with?

[Author]

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