19th April 2016 at 7:05 pm #14512flowerreadytobloomParticipant
I’ve found a lovely man who knows my history and is understanding. I didn’t realise how much my marriage had effected my view and expectation of men. I’m scared he’s going to get fed up with my jumping to conclusions. It’s just so hard when I don’t even realise I’m doing it. He can make a normal joke and I take it seriously. I feel like I’m learning a while new perception of relationships but I’m so frustrated with myself and don’t want to come across as weak or hard work. Has anyone else been through this and how have you managed your anxieties?
19th April 2016 at 7:27 pm #14515AyannaParticipant
Jokes can be covered up abuse. I hope you can recognize abuse.
Did you go to the Freedom Programme?
Are you sure that man is not abusive?
He knows your weaknesses. Are you truly safe with him? I cannot trust any man.
19th April 2016 at 8:40 pm #14534Confused123Participant
Im sure some one with more experience will come along, im still not ready to date guys have been out (detail removed by moderator) months, dont get me wrong i have tried but all these guys just seem to be after sex and not realtionship and any guy that does seem to know about my past with ex, through me disclosing few details again have just tried to take advantage of my vunerability, i just keep seeing red flags in guys so walk away myself. I hope your one is geniuine , just be on guard is my advise. Have u been on the freedom course, im about to start in may at last, it is highly recommended
19th April 2016 at 8:48 pm #14538SerenityParticipant
I agree, the Freedom course is so enlightening.
Just take it very slowly and be in your guard. If he does anything else that you aren’t sure about, post here! X*x
19th April 2016 at 10:00 pm #14549HopespringsParticipant
I think it is important to spot the signs of abuse and not ignore them. If you’re jumping to conclusions with this man that’s okay considering what you’ve been through. A man who isn’t abusive will respect you and that will shine through in the way he reacts. I agree about the freedom programme I don’t have one in my area but did it online and it has really helped me. Be careful and keep your wits about you. I hope this guy is a good guy and helps you in your recovery xx
20th April 2016 at 8:27 am #14593SuntreeParticipant
I agree about the freedom program and taking it slow.
It is natural not to like something about a person you are dating.
It’s also natural to think it is you.
Make sure that you keep who you are.
I think it is easier for men to say this is me like it or lump it because they have been brought up by society like that.
I think it also helps to have someone you trust to talk to about the relationship. A pre-relationship friend like you would if you had a post relationship friend.
That way they can also help with resetting what a normal/ good relationship.
Friends do not neglect your friends or hobbies for this man.
Make sure what you are seeing in this relationship is real and not a projection of a relationship you want. That one is hard (well it is for me).
Work on your triggers, even if this one isn’t the one you can learn more about yourself and that will help for the next one.
I am in a newish, a few years together relationship. I am still recovering from years of abuse. We are still working it out and at times it is b****y hard from both sides.
I am still working out who I am and how I can best deal with my triggers and take their power away from harming me and those around me.
Don’t expect this man to fix you or fill in a hole in your life.
You are everything you need. He will be the cherry on top of the cake.
20th April 2016 at 9:10 am #14598SerenityParticipant
I love your points:
-Make sure what you are seeing is real and not a projection of the relationship you want
-A relationship should be the cherry on top of the cake.
20th April 2016 at 9:37 am #14602SuntreeParticipant
Thank you. They are lessons I have learnt the hard way and still have to remind myself of
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