New to forum -thought I had recovered

[IrisAtwood]

I grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive family. My Dad had a vile temper and my parents often had loud, violent fights. Me and my sister were also hit, shouted at and called names.
My first husband was physically abusive. He was convicted of ABH and I got a divorce after a long custody battle.
My second husband was controlling and witheld sex for many years. Eventually I had an affair and left. I moved in straight in with my boyfriend, got divorced and found myself in a highly emotionally abusive relationship. I became very ill after several years, lost my job due to my mental state and was kicked out of out house by my (now ex) boyfriend in the same week that I had a major bereavement.
I am struggling with what I have discovered is a trauma bond. I have intense, physically painful feelings of loss and am desperate to return to my home and my ex boyfriend. I am working through the realisation and acceptance of the abuse which I have experienced and am gradually coming to the conclusion that even if I could, it would be dangerous and self destructive to go back.
I am here to be around other women who have survived or are living with abuse and to make a start on learning healthy boundaries as well as developing a life that I want to live.
I look forward to getting to know the forum and its members.

[Borntobefree]

Hi iris
Welcome to this fab forum

Iam so happy you decided to leave your abuser
Like myself it has a been a roller coaster of a journey give yourself a pat on the back for getting this far … Iam in a 12 week councilling program and it’s done me a great.

I hope you have had support if not .I would recommend… we need to learn healthy boundaries. And take care of you as you are number one priority here ..

Small steps forward X

[Anewbreath]

Hi iris
Welcome 🙂
I have been here a couple of weeks. The women here are great support. Its really nice to be able to communicate with others and have the support of those who have been through similiar circumstances. I’m sorry to hear you have faced so many acts of abuse. Kudos to you for working on making yourself healthy. Since getting out of an abusive relationship , i too have been working on building healthy boundaries… Something i never had before. I was raised to put others first. To the detriment of myself. I am working on that. Anyways welcome again 🙂

[IrisAtwood]

Thanks Born and Anew,
I really thought that I had recovered, had worked as a counsellor, read the books, did the programmes and I still got tangled with an intensely abusive man. I fooled myself that he was not abusive, but had a disorder which made it impossible for him to empathise. I fooled myself that I was looking after a man who needed me. I fooled myself that I could absorb the horrible things that he said and did and rise above it.
The truth is that he does have a diagnosis which makes social interaction difficult, but he also has a major personality disorder which makes him dangerous to people like me. The truth was I am codependent, not loving. The truth was that I allowed his abuse to drive me to attempting suicide more than once and to leave me with rock bottom confidence and a lack of trust in myself and others.

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