New to this

[Lostinmyself]

Hi all I’m new to this but I was able to escape recently, I know mine is really minor compared to others but it’s still getting to me. Me and my ex got together last year and to start off it was perfect going for random drives, going out as a couple, round our families it was just so nice we really enjoyed each others company. I have a son with a different man before I even met my ex, so early this year I met up with my sons dad to discuss my son and childcare and what ever nothing happened we haven’t been together for over (detail removed by moderator) years now and not even really on good terms. But I didn’t tell my ex because I hadn’t even introduced him to my son and that was a separate life away from my ex, it all started when it kept going down my phone and saw the conversation (detail removed by moderator) discussing when I met up with my sons dad at this point he was constantly going down my phone we broke up for (detail removed by moderator) weeks then he come back he made me come off all social media and cut ties with my friend but at that point I thought if I done it then it would make us work so I done it we spent the beginning of lockdown together it was good we spoke about everything and put it behind us well that’s what I thought. At the end of (detail removed by moderator) I got my son back and introduced him to my ex he was really good with him my son got along with him it was good then in (detail removed by moderator) he started going out and things changed with us he didn’t want me going out to see my family my son weren’t even allowed to go to my parents we was constantly indoors couldn’t even have the backdoor open to go in the garden. He started staying out and being so off with me didn’t want to come near me, barely a conversation with me I just put it down to him doing everything for our new business but then he was sneaky on he’s phone but still wanted to go down my phone if I didn’t then he would think I had something to hide so I let him. Beginning of (detail removed by moderator) he got sent to prison and because I love him I said I will be there for him and support him even though it meant putting my life on hold but that’s when things got worst. I had to start recording my everyday life to play back to him, he would get he’s dad to come to my house to get my phone and my sons iPad, he refused because he didn’t agree he fell out with he’s dad over it. He then told me to give the iPad to my mum because eventually he made me smash up my phone while I was on the house phone to him, I wasn’t allowed out wasn’t allowed to communicate with my family properly he would call every 10 minutes and talk for up to 80 minutes each time. If I didn’t do what he asked he would cause an argument with me I know he’s inside so I should’ve just said enough is enough but I still loved him and thought it’s cause he’s inside that he’s being this way I just kept excusing he’s behaviour. He told me to change my sons school I didn’t cause I didn’t agree that my son had to move and would’ve been off months till he got accepted somewhere else. I was even in hospital (detail removed by moderator) ago and when I got out of hospital he told me to give up my son because he don’t like him he wants it to be me and him and when he gets out then we can have a family I argued with him and refused to do this because that is my kid I won’t give him up for nobody. Then (detail removed by moderator) he got me to record my day he told me to record myself going to (detail removed by moderator) so I did then turnt it off when I got home because he said record it while I went (detail removed by moderator) so he’s rang and gone mad started arguing with me saying nasty things like he usually would but it was worst calling me nasty names, saying he cheated on me, had girls in my bed, just really horrible things he got me to take my sons iPad to my mums and on the way back I argued on the phone to him so when I got home he got me to ring my mum and say I want nothing to do with the family because I was so in love I done it, she come round to see me because she knew it weren’t me he got me to tell her to get out and even wanted me to call the police to have her removed. In the end she left but she texted a few times to say she loves me and my son and she will never give up on us he wanted me to call the police and I refused that’s when the verbal abuse got worst he even threatened to destroy me and my family I was crying for him to stop and think about things but he was so angry and he was being so nasty to me and destroying me so much more inside I felt so low I turnt my phone off for a few hours because I wanted it all to end he got he’s family to ring me and even got he’s dad to come round in the end I turnt my phone on and he rang and carried on with the abuse and trying to get me to call the police on my mum but I wouldn’t. At (detail removed by moderator) he rang to say it’s over and I need to get he’s stuff to he’s dads house and he’s making calls to destroy my life and he was serious I sat there crying and rang my mum she got me out. I went to hers to call the police because he was threatening mine and my sons life I went back to mine on (detail removed by moderator) to get some stuff for me and my son went there and he had got someone to throw paint all over the outside of my house I broke down and called the police again because I was scared to go in he had someone watching my house and even my mums house so now the police have made me and my son high risk and are going to talk to him but when they do it’s just going to be so much more worst so I don’t feel safe, I’m looking over my shoulder constantly, I’m scared to talk to anyone, I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong, I feel that I caused this because I didn’t call them, I feel like I put my son in danger now, I feel so low I have no confidence he’s made me feel like everyone just uses me including family I have no self esteem anymore I’m just constantly crying and just thinking about it all constantly, every noise I’m jumping, I’m having nightmares every night did I cause this for not ending it when he went inside just loads of thoughts in my head I feel so low like there is no way out because he is going to keep getting someone to watch me and when he’s out he is going to come for me I’m just so very scared.

[KIP.]

Hi there. I just wanted to send you some support. What you’re feeling is all normal after an abusive relationship. I know it’s scary to involve the police but you cannot deal with this man alone. You need to build a support network round you. That includes talking to your GP. Getting some counselling in place. Getting support from your local women’s aid. Talk to victim support too. They have a helpline and there’s the national domestic abuse helpline too. You could talk to the national domestic abuse helpline about how you could get a non molestation order to prevent this man from contact. You’re probably suffering from trauma too. Have you read Living with the Dominator? Healing from Hidden Abuse is another good book. It pays to know your enemy. Knowledge Is Power KIP x

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