New to this, bad day yesterday

[@life]

Nearly a (detail removed by moderator)ago now, finally had the courage to say enough was enough. Left a toxic and controlling relationship, it became emotionally and mentally draining. Tried to leave last year but he said he was going to kill him self and strangled himself in front of me. My mum involved the police as it was a full week after of non stop phone calls, texts, videos, voicemails, he starting contacting friends and family and people from work. He turned up when I was out, how would he have known I was there? Starting demanding money back, would turn up for his things when my mum wasn’t in, followed me to work, driving erratically. Was a week from hell. He got charged with a stalking offence.

Now it’s been (detail removed by moderator), Iam off work this week and it’s given me time to sit and think to much, was an emotional wreck yesterday, I think talking about it and hearing the words domestic abuse made it all real. Keep telling myself could I have avoided this if I had left earlier. Why did I stay for so long? So many questions for myself. Now I’ve also got the court case which is in a few months on my mind… will I need to go, are people the police have spoke to from work going to get dragged into this. I should feel free but a small part of me still feels trapped having this over my head, feels like this is his finally way of having control.

 

[Lisa]

Hi @life

Welcome to the forum! I just wanted to show you some support, I’m sorry to hear about what you have been through, you have been so brave.

Please don’t blame yourself for not leaving, lots of women stay in abusive relationships for different reasons. It can be incredibly dangerous and frightening. I just wanted you to know that it’s not your fault.

I hope you have some support in place for the court case. The police should be keeping you updated. You can find your local service here and see if you can get an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate to support you https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[@life]

Thank you, so hard not to go over and over things. Just trying to keep myself busy just now and focus on the positives. I have a number from the domestic abuse unit from the police, should I phone them and ask about getting support? I haven’t heard anything more yet apart from when they told me he had been charged.

[@life]

Thank you x

Yup I am the worst for it, over think things to much. Yup definitely, trying to think of all the positives and will be glad when I finally feel this is all over. Yeah would be great if I wasn’t needed for court but if I am hoping that I can get some sort of support during it all

Thank you x

[Anonymous]

Hi life,

You are being incredibly brave doing all of this. I do a lot of the if onlys and it doesn’t help. What matters is that you have acted now and hopefully the justice system will be helpful to you. The police will tell you if you need to go to court and if you do you can ask to be screened off from him. I hope it all goes well x

[Author]

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