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[starfish123]

I just wanted to say hi, i have just come out of (detail removed by moderator) long physically and verbally abusive relationship and it’s all a bit overwhelming.
I’ve just started telling my mates about what really happened in my relationship but i still haven’t found the confidence to tell my family, as they were close with my ex and they will be very shocked about what i will tell them and it panics me having to tell people. I don’t know how to just say it to them, or how to start the conversation about it.
It seems bad that I have really bad days and miss him but i’m trying to keep focused and strong and make sure he stays out my life for good as I couldn’t carry on being with him.

 

 

[Chestnut]

Hello I think you need to take it in your own time, do you want to tell someone what happened? I didn’t for a long time as I knew if I did I would need to do something about it as it was not right (I knew it was wrong deep down but had made so many excuses in my own mind, but also secretly hoped someone would guess and come and rescue me, it didn’t happen no matter how much I hoped it would). I eventually went to someone I trusted , who I knew was super kind, oddly wasn’t a friend that I see very regularly at all. They were amazing and I took it from there, for me it felt a huge relief to say what had been happening to get the validation that it was wrong that I was not crazy, a failure or anything else. Take it in your own time and when it feels right and you feel you are talking to the right person let it out. Warning some friends do not know how to respond and I think feel guilty they did not know but try to avoid being pulled into this. Wishing you all the best and well done for leaving x

[starfish123]

hi thanks for the reply, for a while I didn’t want anyone to know and wanted it to be a secret as I was still in fear of him finding out I had spoken about it to others. I also felt guilty of telling people as I made excuses in my head too that he didn’t mean to do it and needs help etc, but once I told someone about it they explained that i shouldn’t feel guilty telling others as none of it was my fault. I felt the same as you i just wanted someone to come and rescue me but obviously know one had any idea what was going on. I also told a friend who I am not as close with but I just knew that they would listen and actual help me out of this situation and i’m very grateful for their help. Once i became more confident telling others I did come across some people feeling guilty and not really knowing how to help, but obviously it’s a hard situation for someone to help with who hasn’t experienced something like this.
hope all is well with you now and thank you again for your reply

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