17th November 2020 at 7:32 pm #116462
Hi all, I’m new here. Still trying to navigate my way around but I’ve read some posts and whilst I don’t feel like I have as much bad treatment as some, I still went through a traumatic experience. I now live alone with my children but still have a connection with my abuser. I’m hoping to share and listen to others that may sprinkle some positivity, share fears, and generally connect to people in this forum. Thanks for reading x
17th November 2020 at 8:29 pm #116466beachhutParticipant
You have come to the right place, we were all new once and once you figure out how it works you can gain so much, everybody here had there own unique experience but we all learn and get valuable advice and encouragement from each other.
17th November 2020 at 9:01 pm #116470LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting. It is great to see beachhut has already replied to you with some of the forum positivity so I hope you find the support you are looking for here.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Please do keep posting to us when you can.
18th November 2020 at 12:33 pm #116487
Thanks to both.
My relationship was I think, less easy to recognize until the night it happened!
I was shown love, care, help with my medical needs, help at home – all the things we have longed for. Underneath all this though was the odd cheating, the hiding debts, the drug use.
One night we were celebrating and all of a sudden out of nowhere he strangled me in public. He was arrested and found to have drugs on him.
He was removed and I’ve got to the point where I just can’t be bothered with him anymore but can’t do that break. It’s apparent that when things dont go his way he throws a strop but then he’s back to being helpful.
It’s a constant battle of ups and downs which I don’t get from just living with my kids, so it’s him for sure!
I feel that making solid choices and not being ‘the one to please’ everyone else at the minute and ‘just do me’ has given me more strength as the days go on.
I know I will get there and this is another step joining the forum that will help. X
20th November 2020 at 12:15 am #116575FacingRealityAtLastParticipant
hello Cyclax im new too … yes we will get there!
20th November 2020 at 8:48 am #116580WaterspriteParticipant
Hello and welcome what you have been through is awful – we all tend to minimise their behaviour and it takes time to see it all for what it is – a pattern and a cycle of abuse. The good spells are there to keep us hooked and in line. I read up on trauma bonding and gaslighting. It sounds like you are creating a drama free life for you and your family. I went completely no contact after we fled its advised a lot and I think it helps healing. Lots of good people on here x
20th November 2020 at 6:36 pm #116593
Hi there. I love your name!
Yes we will get there, it may be slow it may be tough but each day is a road to recovery 🙂
20th November 2020 at 7:19 pm #116594gettingtiredParticipant
Hello, please don’t think the treatment you had wasn’t as deserving as others. We’ve all experienced abuse in different ways and to be strangled by your partner is shocking! Mine held a pillow over my face once when he was on some drug he didn’t normally take. Not that it’s an excuse to do that though. Hope you can find the support here, I find it super helpful and I’ve not been here all that long. Take care xx
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