Newbie

[Vanillastar]

Hi everyone

I’m new to the forum.

I haven’t recently come out of a n********t and emotionally abusive relationship with my daughters father. Even though I have put up with so much and I know he is not a nice person I cannot get him out of my head. I am having therapy, doing research and reading, have been put on anti-depressants and know it’s totally the best thing for me not to be with him my mind never stops. I struggle to accept that a person can be so evil, so manipulative and hurt the person that has done the most for them.

I am trying to do low contact but struggle doing that. How can I still want to see the good in someone who had behaved so disgusting time and time again and shown no respect whatsoever.

[Lisa]

Hi Vanillastar

Welcome to the forum! I am sorry to hear about what you have been through and how you are feeling. It is normal to feel like this, but you do deserve so much better. Please keep reaching out for all of the support available.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[Desperatelyunhappy]

Hi everyone I’m new and a little nervous I suppose this is the first time I’ve had to come onto a forum like this and ask for advice.

I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) we have 2 children but I want out, the relationship is toxic and it is affecting my children’s mental health along with my own the problem is he won’t leave he says its his house (its a council house with both our name on it) and it’s a horrible situation he gives me the silent treatment and stays downstairs when he comes home from work while I am upstairs. I work as (detail removed by moderator) so it’s mentally draining trying to be happy at work knowing deep down I’m so unhappy. I guess the question is what do I do ? Where can I go I don’t have family who can help and I feel so trapped I really need to leave soon for my own sanity I just need help someone please give me some advice. Thanks so much in advance

[Whyohwhy]

Hi desperatelyunhappy, it sounds like you really need some legal advice. Get in touch with women’s aid to find out what legal help you might be able to get. I am pretty sure I saw somewhere that you can get your partner removed from the house. If you get in touch with your local council they might be able to help. I hope someone can give you the information you need.

[Vanillastar]

Hi desperatelyunhappy

You need to get some advice as to where you stand regarding the housing situation and what you can do. Try the women’s aid live chat they will be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck x

[Whyohwhy]

Hi vanillastar, It’s really hard to let go, these relationships are rarely all bad otherwise we wouldn’t stay so long. We stay hoping to see glimpses of the man we fell in love with. When we see those glimpses we start to forget the bad stuff. Stay strong try and write down all the bad things that drove you to leave then when you are feeling weak read it and remind yourself why you should stay strong. It’s really hard and people who haven’t been through it can never really understand it.

[Vanillastar]

Hi whyohwhy

I agree no one really understands unless they have been through it. I have never been able to make a complete break from him. We have been on and off and I always end up getting sucked back in but I don’t want too this time. Yes they have been good times and it’s not all bad and you want them to be the best version of themselves but really they are cold, calculating, manipulative individuals and you don’t want to believe they can be that person.

Take care everyone x

[Anonymous]

Vanillastar, you want to see the good in him because ‘your’ good, and the constantly thinking about him could be trauma bonding or ptsd, the confusion of an abusive relationship can cause havoc with peptides, chemicals and even brain damage, no contact, acceptance, good therapy, self healing and self care will all help with the addictive feelings and letting go, in the meantime take care 💖💞💖

[Author]

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